i don't know what to do. I have just opened a letter addressed to my husband to find that he has went over his £4,700 credit limit on his credit card (which I knew nothing about) I asked what was going on and he's admitted to me that he's ran up £15,000 worth of debt on credit cards by online gambling. He did this years ago by using his overdraft but that was only 1,500 and he promised never to do it again. He was really upset and said he's a changed man and that he's not got a gambling problem as he stopped a WEEK ago. What should I do! I'm absolutely gutted!!!
Firstly, take a few breaths. You are in shock and we don't make our best decisions in this state. I would say he does have a gambling issue. I am sure he would like to think he is done with gambling but this addiction does not work that way... it's not that easy. You are going to have to get financial barriers in place pronto to protect yourself (and family).
I am a mom of a gambler so the financial implications aren't nearly as dire. There are lots of spouses on here that will reply shortly. They will be able to give you more direct advice.
In the meantime have a read of both sides of the forum. You will quickly learn you are not alone in dealing with this and there is lots of support!
Cathyx
Thank you for replying.
I am still in shock, I've not slept a wink all night and sent my husband into the spare room as I couldn't bare to lye next to him.
I said to him we will work through this together if he gets help for his addiction and seek debt advice. I think I'm also so upset as we were planning another baby and to move house which will all need to be out on hold as financially we can't now afford it. I feel so betrayed. I will read through this site and I'm sure the way I am feeling will be echoed by others. How could I have not seen this coming I keep asking myself I must have been so stupid!
I appreciate your advice. We are going to sit down tonight and talk it through. He has already agreed to hand all financial control over to me including handing over all his bank cards, online details etc. Tonight I want to see all his statements to clarify the sites he's been using and block him from them. Luckily, all the credit cards are in his name only, but for a fleeting moment of madness, I thought about taking a loan out in my name to pay these off but, then quickly realising how stupid this would be. I only work part time since having my son and my husband and I have always just put our money in the one pot. He has a good job with good overtime, but I rely on him financially, and I'm so scared that we are going to loose our house over this.
Thank you for the sites for debt advice, I'm going to direct him to these.
I love him completely, but I really don't know if I want a future of hurt, lies, crippling financial constraints and whatever else this addiction will bring.
He has asked me not to tell anyone. I am very close to my mum and I just want her shoulder to cry on. I feel embarrassed!
Hi,
Echo HL but when she advises you to look after you, that includes you getting the support that you need from your mum or whoever. Keeping the secret is no help to you or to anyone else. Gambling thrives on secrecy, the more it's out in the open, the harder it is for him to gamble because he's more accountable. Also, it may be that there are various family members who do know and have lent money. Whilst each are manipulated into keeping quiet, thinking that they are "protecting" the others, the gambler has full access to several sources of money.
Long conversations about the gambling can result in manipulation, best advice is to educate yourself as far as you can so that you know what to expect. Get support for you to cope with the situation that you're in, from GC and GamAnon.
Keep the focus on you, take care,
CW
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