Need advice please

@hjk27389zn  Hi Anon, and well done on supporting your relative.

If you sign up to gamstop you can add email addresses to your gamstop exclusion, this means that the email address can't be used to register with any UK licensed online casino.  You can add as many email addresses to this as you like.

However anyone can set up a new email address in a few mins.  I would suggest that your relative needs more blocks in place as they are already trying to circumnavigate the blocks that they already have.

They clearly need more preventative measures to stop them.

How open are they being?  Would they be willing to hand over finances to you?  Or at the least allow you to review they statements?

Problem gambling is very addictive.  They may seek many different ways to get the fix.  I did and had to hit rock bottom before getting better.

All the best

Hi the Bean,

Thank you for reply and info/advice re emails.

He’s been gambling for at least a couple of years following a  very difficult relationship break up.

He is in debt with loans,credit cards, Pay Day loans etc.

Only time he’ll talk about gambling addiction is if asking for money,which I no longer give.I did help financially on the understanding he signed up for Gam ban etc and handed over his finances to me.Also that he talked to someone at GamCare.

This didn’t last long as he insisted on having his cards back and continues to gamble.

He won’t talk to me or anyone else about it.

I’ll keep trying my best to support but realise he’s got to want to stop and initiate his own recovery.

Thank again

Kind regards

Please don’t give any more financial support. It’s not helpful (for you or him…)  I’ve unknowingly bailed out a gambler before I knew how the debt was incurred but I’d never knowingly do it again. 

Good advice I’ve had is to put strong boundaries in place which you’re prepared to go through with. For example what you’d do if he asks you for more financial support (say no!), what your do if he uses your details again for anything to do with gambling etc. 

I’d also want to be sure finances hadn’t been taken out in my name. You don’t say what your family connection to this person is but any joint finances or assets need safeguarding. Look after yourself too. It’s horrible to have to be suspicious about everything, but sadly addicts can behave out of character and lie very convincingly. 

I hope he access expert help soon.

Hi Platypus,

Thanks for replying  and the good advice.

It’s my adult son who is addicted to gambling using online casino slots.It’s a horrible,insidious illness.

I've made it very clear that no more money will be given.He has again asked for money to  pay bills and  been told no.I will continue to support him in any way I can,but will not give him any more money or help with gambling debts.

Luckily,there are no joint assets or finances  and  he has no access to any of my stuff.

He says he wants to stop but doesn’t want to talk to anyone or accept professional help.He thinks he can do it on his own.I don’t think he has reached “rock bottom “ yet.

It’s heartbreaking watching him go through this and it’s affecting our relationship badly.I want him to get the help he needs,but realise it’s down to him.

I’m finding out as much as I can about gambling addiction and the help available so when he realises he needs it I can sign post him.

I’m finding GamCare really supportive and helpful.

Thanks for reading this

Kind Regards

Hi,

I have not been in your positions but I have been in your partner & sons. Reading this it seems like they are still in denial and have no intension of giving up at the moment as they are doing the same things I was and telling you the same things.

Yous are right that they don't need money handed to them as this will be gambled. They may not mean to but  if you give them £100 to pay their bills they will think they can gamble that £100 up to £500, pay their bills and have £400 for themselves. We all know that is not going to happen.

Best way to deal with it is to watch them block their gambling accounts through Gamstop, Block it on their banking app and try to keep them occupied with other hobbies, jobs etc to keep gambling of their minds.

When I was trying to quit I listened to the the problem gambling podcast with Barry Grant & Tony O'Reilly on Spotify any chance I could. Listening to different stories from themselves and their guests give me the strength to give up.

It was only a year ago that I decided to do this and I feel much better within myself now. I have had a few wobbles but lucky enough at the minute I am able to control them.

I wouldn't be a good at putting my thoughts into words (gambling turned my brain to mush) but I hope this helps a bit.

Stay strong for them and try and help them to admit to themselves they have a problem and there will be brighter days ahead!