This is my first post here. I've been with my husband for ten years, always knew that he liked a bet on the horses but in the last week I've started to see the scale of the issue. He'd left his online betting exchange account open on the iPad and I looked at it (doesn't feel right snooping) and saw a lot of transactions that surprised me. I spoke to him about it, was v calm and said I was concerned and worried. He immediately admitted that he has a problem and has really for the last 30 years. He told me he had deleted the app from his phone for the betting exchange. This morning I looked again and within two hours of our conversation he had deposited another £200 and used it on the online slots. I looked through the history and his net deposits are £6.5k. In one 24 hour period he had deposited two lots of £1000 and another £200. I am unsure where this money came from but I suspect savings (that's about all he had afaik) He admitted that he chases his losses but assured me that he only uses money he has and hadn't taken out any loans or further credit cards. Right now I feelI have huge concerns about being lied to and the long term implications of the problem and the impact on our relationship. I feel angry, sad and confused - at this point mostly about the lies as I just don't know how much of what he's telling me about how he funds it is true. We are yet to have a discussion about what (if anything) he is prepared/able to do or how I can help him. I love him to bits for the record.
Hi scared wife, I'm sorry you're hear. Don't feel bad about snooping you might need to do more. If he is being honest he should hand over all finances, call gamcare, get to GA. My cg used savings, Xmas bonus, then progressed to loans. Chasing their losses. It just gets out of control, they cannot stop, they cannot win. Make sure all your finances are safe, no joint accounts. You can do credit checks. Personally it's normally a lot worse than they confess. You can also seek help and advice. Call gamcare or go to gamanon. Realistically it will only get worse if they don't actively seek help and show you they want to stop. Keep posting, there's lots of help here. Good luck!
Hi
Sorry to see this. The sad fact is much as you are reeling you are going to need to take immediate steps both to establish the truth and get as much as you can under your sole control. You can't trust a word he says so don't without seeing independent proof in the shape of credit reports from all three agencies and access to every account shown on them.
Once you've minimised the potential for any further financial damage you have some breathing space to see if he means what he says. He won't give up until he wants to. If he doesn't want to your choices then lie with how much you're prepared to tolerate.
Thank you Lethe and Merry go round for your realistic replies. Still reeling and haven't had chance to start discussions with him yet due to work commitments but will happen by the end of the week. Fortunately our finances are separate so I'm protected in that respect. Lethe - you are absolutely correct that in the end (if he can't/won't stop) then it will come down to how much I can tolerate. I have spent some time formulating a plan about where/how I could live if it reaches that point. Desperately hoping it won't be necessary but having an achievable plan in my head has made me feel stronger and more in control of MY life. Thank you both again for sharing your knowledge.
Hi scared wife. Maybe do some credit checks. You can download blocking software onto gadgets. If he is realising a problem, get him to hand over finances if he's willing. My cg carries no money, I control all bank accounts. Good luck!
ILuHi all,
Sorry to comment on here, I'm u sure how to do a new thread. I am also new to this and am the GF of a CG. I have helped him through and he has been clean for over a year now.
Luckily for me I knew about his addiction beforehand as we were friends. I guess I am searching for advice from partners of CGs. Had you known beforehand, would you have continued a relationship?
I am scared wether to continue or cut my losses beforehand and just leave now it's so difficult as I do love him but am scared of getting hurt. Any advice is much appreciated as I feel I'm highly naive to this. Thank you
Hi rosey to start new thread go to bottom of family and friends page. There's a box 'new topic' that will give you new page/thread to start. In response to your question? That's the big dilemma. I knew my cg gambled, constantly told him 'it's a mugs game'. It got progressively worse and he turned to his father. We were getting married and he'd gambled all our joint savings. They lied didn't tell me. So I have no idea, I have 2 children so I can't say if I knew I wouldn't because I have them. If he has a problem is he admitting it? Is he dealing with it? Do you have control of finance? Do you have joint accounts, house? Just learn as much as you can about addiction, talk to him. In my opinion if he doesn't have a problem he will understand and stop. Beware if he does he will become secretive. Start your own thread, lots of help will come along. Keep posting and asking. Good luck!
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