My partner told me about his gambling four months ago, it started while I was away on holiday and has continued despite him getting counselling, moving out and going along to sessions. I've been trying to get back to normality for the past few weeks after another relapse and things were going well. I believed he was getting better but he told me he gambled again last night. I know we have no choice but to split up as I just can't see a future without the worry, guilt and upset that his gambling causes. The last few months have been awful, I've become isolated and feel like I can no longer tell people close to me about it because of the judgement that I keep returning. I love him more so much and I am heartbroken but I have to protect myself. Would appreciate some support. Thanks
Hi
Life with an active CG is hell. If they won't stop they can and do drag everyone around down with them. You've been supportive but the will to give up can only come from the gambler. If it doesn't happen the only thing you can do is as you rightly say protect yourself. Don't feel bad about putting your needs first. An active gambler prioritises gambling above anything and anyone.
Hi DoryJane,
I'm Kev and I'm a compulsive gambler. My wife always knew I liked to play the machines, but after moving in together she realised I wasn't a recreational player, I was at the "don't pay bills, gamble every penny" stage. For whatever reason she stuck with me and we're now married with two beautiful children who want for nothing (except a bigger house, which will never happen due to my credit rating!).
Life is good, I am trying my best but it isn't quite enough - I still have control of my finances and I'm still wasting money like an idiot. I will never be the man they al deserve and that is a fact.
If I could go back ten years (and this is the God's honest truth), I'd tell my wife to run a MILE. Her life would have been 100% better without me in it! Life with a CG is not a life, she has all her own stress plus mine too.
If I could go back five years (daughters birth), I would kill myself so she at least had a decent chance in life, maybe with a step-dad who could provide for her properly.
Do you and your CG partner have kids? If not, I would say get gone. If you have children and he wants to be a proper Dad, get to a full programme of gamblers anonymous or something because if he ends up like me you will both be miserable forever and that is a stone cold fact.
Apologies to put that quite so raw and direct, I don't usually comment on the "Friends and family" posts, but he is refusing to get better and dragging you down too. Plenty more fish in the sea, ditch the deadwood now. I wish someone had told my other half that a decade ago.
Hi Doryjane321,
Welcome to the forum, and thank you for your post.
It sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure to get your partner to overcome his gambling problem, but unfortunately he didn’t respond well to the help (counselling) he got to stop gambling. It seems like that is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety, and I do empathise with the situation that you find yourself in.
I suggest that you encourage him to get in touch with us, so we can offer him the help and support that he needs to overcome his gambling problem.
Both of you can contact us on our free phone line on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers. Our lines are open every day from 8.00am to midnight.
In addition to this, I suggest that both of you try and read from our Forum for strategies that helps to overcome gambling problem.
Meanwhile, try and protect all your finances from him; go for separate accounts in case you do keep joint accounts. See whether he’d agree to you taking control of all his finances, and until such time that he feels well recovered to manage his finances again.
I think it would be advisable to stay in touch with us so we can keep supporting you in this.
Keep reading, and keep posting.
Best regards,
Beatrice
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
