Hi,
I'm new to this site. I've been with my partner now for 14 years and have been living together for 10years. I've known since before we lived together he had issues with gambling but really thought things would change once he left home and had other commitments! How wrong I was. The problem has escalated over the last 4 years and he owes a serious amount of money! I've lived with lies and deceit for so long and there is no trust there anymore. The majority of gambling is done online and I have recently taken over full control of the finances and am trying so hard to get things back on track for the benefit of him and our children. He does insist he isn't gambling anymore but has said he will seek help! I have however turned into an emotional wreck and Am extremely anxious and on edge. Am I being selfish or is this quite normal to feeling like this!! ?
I realise it's a long road a head but will there ever be light at the end of the tunnel? I am so sorry for sounding so negative
Hi, Lou,
Sorry to hear it. Negative? What you know and live with isn't exactly positive, but it's what you know. If you mean that you can't stop the gambling, then no, you can't, we've all found that out the hard way. You can make decisions for you but only the gambler decides whether or not to place the bet. Regardless of what the blame that gets projected or the excuses or reasons, to bet or not to bet is down to the gambler alone.
Actually there's a whole better way to live, you really don't have to live as you are. Change is hard, there are no white knights, your husband is not going not magically stop gambling and make everything better. Move the focus onto you and keep it there. There's a whole lot that you can do to help yourself, regardless of whether or not he bets.
Start by reading as much as you can of this forum, both sides and generally read up on addiction and co-dependancy. Knowledge is power. Also, do what it takes to get to GamAnon meetings and GC counselling. Finally, get RL support for you from trusted friends or relatives, gambling thrives on secrecy.
Once you have the support and information about how best to cope with your situation, you can make the best decisions for you.
You can't choose whether or not he gambles. You can choose whether to make your life better or to stay as you are. And always remember that your choices affect the children. They don't get to make their own.
Look after you.
CW
Hello Lou2016
Welcome to the forum it is a positive step that you are in control of the finances as someone with a gambling problem cannot be trusted with money. You say your husband has said that he will seek help if you can please encourage him to call the helpline on 0808 8020 133 there is counselling available for 12 sessions with no costs involved. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious and on edge please call the helpline if you would like to talk with an advisor they will listen to your concerns. Problem gambling affects family, friends and partners and counselling or other support such as gamanon groups are available to you so that you can get help for you.
The helpline is open every day 8am –midnight and advisors can also be contacted through the GamCare net line
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
Please also find a link here to the partners, friends and family page there may be some helpful guidelines here for you.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family
Keep posting we are here to support you
Take care
Forum admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
