Hi All .. Married for 15 years and always had suspicions of OHs gambling, as his first wife divorced him after 10 years of marriage due to this issue. From my point of view he would also pop out to run errands and I reckon that was a trip to the bookies. I could not bring up the subject because he would get verbally aggressive. Last year he had an accident and ended up in hospital for 6 months & I realised at that stage his gambling was bigger than I thought ( as I was financially better off with him being in hospital ). He has had a more or less full recovery but is unable to work at present. So here we go again .. he drops me at work yesterday and was spotted going into the bookies which he then denied for the full day. He has since admitted it but it was seemingly only a £5 line ( like that makes a difference ). Each Saturday he goes online ( which I know about ) and spends roughly £10. As I am now the only earner and trying to keep a roof over our head I feel very disappointed, let down, feel unfairly treated ( I could go on and on) why should I go out to work while he spends my money on gambling. Will this gambling problem always be an issue in our life ?
Hi Mrs G, I have a gambling problem myself which I am in a constant daily fight with.
If your husband is a compulsive gambler the likelihood of it being in your lives forever is very high.
There is help available, like here! There are counselling sessions available, there is a chat on here also.
A few of us here (22 I believe) have a combined diary where we offer daily advice and support to each other along with a few jokes albeit mostly bad ones!
Your husband is most welcome to join us if he wishes. We have become a small community of friends bonded by the same determination to kick this evil habit.
I hope he will come along he is most welcome.
Many thanks for your reply. He has often said ' I just like a bet & it is not an issue ' he can't see the problem albeit his first wife divorced him due to gambling. I have been looking through the forum and learning about the 3 Cs and the fact that I need to protect myself. I think today is the beginning of a real change .. or else one day I might just wake up homeless.
Hi MrsGee, welcome to the forum 🙂
The fact that you managed flying solo whilst he was in hospital says it all really! The gambling problem doesn't always have to be an issue but for us compulsive gamblers it is always with us! With acceptance, the desire to change & the right support, we can arrest our addiction but you cannot do that for us & if he is unwilling to admit he has a problem, it won't stop being one I'm afraid. Whilst active, we kid ourselves on every level why we don't have a problem from excusing it (I don't drink, I don't smoke, it's my only way to have 'fun') to expecting it to fix us (one big win & I'm sorted...Only we can't win because we can't stop. My particular downfall being a £500 jackpot machine that I religiously pumped thousands into in search of the 'elusive' life changing win & many others on here having eye watering sums of money & then losing it & more). Another favourite is "it's MY money!" I read that aghast from people in marriages, with children but we really will tell ourselves anything. If your husband is not working & still managing to gamble, where is the money coming from? If it is yours from your wages, then this has to stop. If he really doesn't have a problem, he won't mind not spending your tenner @ the weekend or letting you have full access to his credit reports to give you peace of mind on the subject. If he does mind then you will need to figure out what you are willing to put up with & start laying down the law, being prepared to follow through on any ultimatums you give.
Sadly, you do have to look after you now, us gamblers may be charm personified when there's something in it for us but in reality are usually pretty ****** @ giving our loved ones the respect & support that they deserve. The help that GamCare provide by phone & counselling is for you as much as us gamblers & if you can get to a GamAnon meeting all the better. Look after you - ODAAT
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