IHi this is my first post here, I am a young married mother of 2 beautiful babies, and unfortunately on Sunday evening I had to ask my husband to leave our family home, it has broken me and I have no idea where to go from here.
My husband has gambled before in the past, before we had children mainly poker with his friends using cash this resulted in him stealing some money from me (in the 100s) he’d only admit he did it as I was about to ring the police believing someone had been in our home. He was remorseful and paid me the money back this happened over 3 years ago. Recently, in the past 18 months I had noticed he had been gambling on his phone but he assured me it was ‘slots’ for pennies and he could afford it. Since having the children I have control of his monthly wage and only give him what he can freely spend. So recently me and my mum had fraudulent debit card transactions, on gambling websites, we were refunded the money back and it wasn’t a lot at all (20-25£) but he lied, he was adamant it wasn’t him he even went as far as to tell us that someone had been using his own card fraudulently. We gave him the benefit of the doubt as we hadn’t no real proof it was him. Monday evening my mum has a text from a casino website so I immediately asked him are you using my mums details? I asked him to look on his phone, something I never feel I have had to do, and he point blank refused and continued to lie saying he was booking a surprise for me and my mum. So I felt I had no choice but to ask him to leave I can’t be around a liar and a relationship with no trust is nothing. I am devistated he is an amazing dad and for he best part a loving husband. He is seeking help from the Gordon Moody association but I have no idea where to go from here. I can’t imagine my life without him in it but I can’t live with a liar. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated xXx
Lying, deceit and thieving go hand in hand with an active gambling addiction along with eventually unpaid rent/mortgage and bills as it all spirals. Until your husband wants to address it he won't and that's what your life will revolve around. You can't help him until he wants to be helped. How do you want things to be for you and the children?
As compulsive gamblers we lie to protect ourselves from the reality of our addiction, we sacrafise eveything until the penny drops (usually when we hit rock bottom) and we seek help. You have probably done the right thing in showing him the door, that way you are in control. If he wants to return and you accept him back there must be strict conditions, obviously he ust be seeking help for his addictions. He must have barriers in place for his addictions, these would include self excluding from all betting shops and online sites (gamstop can help with the online ones). He must be willing to give full financial control to you. You should also have full access to his email, back account, credit rating (this shows any borrowings or credit cards he may have). I know all that sounds daunting but the trust is gone and will take a long time before its back so you have to have these in place to protect yourself and family if you are living with him.
Hopefully for his own sake he will seek help, its not easy, replases are common as this is deadly addiction but their is light at the end of the tunnel if he looks for it.
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