Now what?

Thank you Half-Life,

I do really worry when he says that he wants me to give up on him. Alarm bells do ring loudly. I just think if I show him I haven't given up on him then it will make him think he's worth something.

He has already given up on gam care counselling and GA. He found GA all a bit religious. I hope that he might try again as I go to the gam anon meeting. I hope he hasn't got himself into further debt. I do check all I can. I do try to stay positive but when he tells me he's leaving all the time it's hard. Sometimes I just want to say-okay I'll help you pack now. I think he knows I'll never chuck him out. I thought being faced with losing everything - his home, family was rock bottom - but this seems to be his solution. Just can't see an end to this.

Half-Life posts a lot of sense as well on here.

Bye again.

Hi again

pangolin - what you say about being addicted to rescue missions rings true for me. I am a self confessed control freak. And when I see him taking no action I feel like I have to take action- and I'm sure he knows I'll step in because I always take control of any situation. Maybe that's part of his problem... Maybe I do need to let go so he knows he can manage on his own. I don't know any more.

Thank you Mr Stop. I'm grateful to you. I think it makes sense for us to fight it together. It's just him who seems to think we are better off being apart.

Thanks again for all your advise. I find it really helpful.

I have been told in the past that one of the symptoms of addiction, across the board, alcohol, gambling, all of it, is a refusal to accept authority, particularly doctors and teachers, but really anyone who is in a position to address the addiction directly. Anyone who could say "you are an addict", has to be undermined, the addict will tell the world that the person is mad in some way, rubbish at their job or dishonest.

So I think that the writing off GA as being too religious, saying the doctor cant help, its all consistent with someone who is addicted.

Not sure if that helps, but for me it helped to think of Mr Ps behaviour, illogical words and rejection of help as being part of the illness rather than part of his personality, probably with any mental health issue it is difficult to do, but keeping the person and the illness seperate in my mind was probably how i dragged myself through that stage.

The thing about being a rescuer is that in the majority of cases, its a lovely trait, just when your dealing with a compulsive gambler it backfires. Having said that, learning not to respond to everything that happens has made my life much calmer, even when dealing with the world outside me and mr P.

Its a lovely sunny spring morning here, hoping everyone else is feeling the warmth and hope too 🙂

Hi again,

So this week my husband told me he would be home about 9 from work on Thursday. At 8 in the evening he sent me a text telling me how he wanted to end it all. This was just before I was going into the gam anon meeting! I replied that he needed to go back to docs urgently. Anyway didn't hear any more from him and he wasn't home when I got in. I tried to text him, ring him and eventually he picked up. He had decided to stay on the office floor and not come home. Didn't even bother to let me know-leaving me to fear the worst. So Friday morning I ring GP asking for an appointment. They are SO unhelpful that I ended up crying down the phone to them, a colleague of mine walks in, and now my boss knows I'm having problems which I really wanted to avoid. Work is my escape, I don't want everyone knowing. Anyway the receptionist finally agreed to get the doctor to ring my husband, which he did. My husband was probably caught off guard, made an appointment only to ring up later to cancel it!! Rang GP again but they say there is nothing they can do. So no appointment. It turns out that my husband had been drinking so that is probably why he was saying about ending it all. But obviously very worrying. He now back tracks and says he never would do anything like that. He says he will go back to GP but needs to get blood test done- he has had it for 3 weeks and hasn't done it yet. Another case of hitting my head on a brick wall. Again left with no where to go. Even at gam anon I feel like the odd one out because my CG isn't next door.

My cg isnt next door either, he has to go on a different night and a different venue, but we are currently going through a phase of lots of new people, most of them are living with an active gambler rather than a recoverer, stick with it, group dynamics do change and do say that you feel like the odd one out because of the stage you're at, they will remember it.

Theres nothing you can do that you arent already doing, you're going above and beyond the call of duty already. Its up to him. Madness isnt it?

First time here for me. My son is a CG and has been for ten years. We thought things were getting better but in the last few weeks another shattering relapse.