Owing money

No doubt you do feel bad but what's going to be different next time you have the urge to gamble?

It's not, absolutely not, about the money. The pain that you are undoubtedly causing your brother is the behaviour that goes with gambling, the broken promises, the lies, the unreliability, the manipulation (it's not in your brother's best interests to bail you out quietly). The financial loss is secondary to the damaged relationship. It's a whole lot easier for you to focus on the money but gambling is an emotional illness that can be arrested by bringing about a personality change in you. Paying your brother back without recovery solves very little.

With gambling, what counts is action. Words, however sincere at the time, are meaningless. You had a lot of advice on your previous thread about how to overcome the addiction but only you can follow it. Break the time money location triangle and go to GA, get counselling. Do what it takes. In time, not overnight, what you do will change things for you and your brother. And maybe your other brother will follow your example.

Wish you well,

CW

Samson wrote:

I'm exactly in the same position regarding returning to work. You're not alone. Hoping you get better soon.

Thank you, I am finally getting around to getting help for these things. I wish you the best in returning to work.

Hi CW

Thank you for your honesty and encouraging words.

At the moment the only thing stopping me is having no money to gamble with but I know that will change sometime and I'll need support put into place before I get a job. I am waiting for psychotherapy to deal with a variety of things included my gambling.

Hi Life of Design

In your original post you mention your fear that your relationship with your brother may never be the same again. Since I don't know you and don't know your brother I can't comment except to say that with a clear plan and clear actions first to not gamble again and second to repay him when you're able, that may be enough - on the other hand it may be a very different story if you go back to gambling.

In my case, I ended up having to borrow money - from my mortgage, credit cards, my mother, and three friends. In the end I realised that if I went back to the CG who was in my life (and thankfully she's not now), then I would be betraying all of these people who lent me money and supported me. She's now out of my life and the lifestyle surrounding her gambling is a distant memory / nightmare. As part of the various things I've been doing to put right the damage and harm it all caused me, of course I have plans in place not only to rebuild my financial situation vis a vis lending institutions but also to repay the friends and family who bailed me out, agreed with them. None of this has affected my relationships with these people because they can see I'm genuine, they can see I'm making the effort, they can see that the cg who was in my life is now out of it and won't return, and they can also see that I'm not going to make the same mistakes again - they can see the changes within me, not only in my words but also in my demeanour and actions. I guess what I'm saying is that although you mention guilt in your message, guilt is a negative emotion - try not to focus on the guilt but instead try to focus on positive things - like the psychotherapy you say you have got lined up - all the things that give you hope and structure and opportunities in your life to rebuild it and get past the gambling, and which will also put you in the position to repay your brother.

As cw says, it's not about the money - it's about the gambling and all the harmful behaviours that go with it. And as cw says, it's actions that count - so good luck with it!

Good luck!