Hi, I'm new to this forum so bear with me.
I've been with my partner for around 4 years and in the past 18 months have found out he's in a load of debt through gambling. I've given him quite a few chances to stop or at least talk to me about it, but he won't and just shuts me out completely. He suffers from anxiety and hates his job so he says he uses gambling as a release instead of harming himself. I have just found out he spent 900 on a slot machine in the month, when I'm paying for all the bills. I don't know what to do as I'm scared if I kick him out he will do something drastic and can't take that risk. We both earn good money so we should have a comfy life (we're both late 30's with no kids), but now we're struggling for money. Any advise would be good. Thanks.
Hi h2342,
Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forum. It sounds like your partner's gambling causes you a lot of stress, which is understandable. How much longer do you want to continue living like this, though? There's nothing in your post that indicates that he wants to do anything different about his gambling, so do you just resign yourself to having a life where you struggle every month? If he suffers from anxiety, or hates his job, there are healthier and more effective ways to address those issues than by gambling or harming himself, which affects you as well as him. Counselling could be a great help in that area, for example.
It's important for you to remember that you're not responsible for him. I understand that you care about him, and want to help him, but this can't come at the cost of your own health and well-being. At some point he needs to take responsibility for his own choices, which are harming the both of you. That's not fair to you, and it's really okay for you to decide to take care of yourself here and put yourself first. If he's willing to take the steps necessary to change, then the situation is more hopeful, but if all he ever does is shut you out then your options for supporting him are limited. Your life and happiness are important here, too.
If you'd like to chat with us about any of this, we're happy to do it. You can reach us on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or the Netline from 8am to midnight every day of the week.
I hope you're finding the forum to be a supportive place; you're certainly not alone on here.
Travis
Hi h2342, i was in a similar situation to you until recently,(as you can see from my recent post) although i think my partner's situation was even worse. At least you're not bailing him out & he's not stealing form his employer. However, you are still suffering. LIke everyone says, unless he admits he has a problem & really wants to stop, he won't do anything, things will carry on as they are, but you'll continue suffering all the heartache & despair caused by his gambling addiction. That 's no life. It's utter hell.
It's really tough but you are not repsonsbile for him or his actions and you have to look after yourself first and foremost. You have be be selfish essentially and think about your own well being. He is not considering your well being is he? It took me a long time to put me first and I wish I'd done so a lot sooner.
I really hope things work out positively for you, whatever you decide to do. x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
