Partner gambled... but now lies and is stealing money again

I'm torn between saying this & leaving you to it but if that was me I suspect I'd be beg, stealing or borrowing now to get you the proof you needed that I 'had' booked it! Don't be forced into any rush decisions & ensure that if you are going to run with the relationship you don't just restrict access to money, you must have open access to his credit reports (all 3 I have read from other f&f). I would also suggest you decide what your bare minimum standards are going to be with regards to GA or counselling as I'm guessing that has fallen by the wayside of late? Does his mum know he is gambling again?

I know it sounds daft but I'm glad you've realised that you need to try & relax. You have to keep your strength up so you can make rational decisions, this is your life he is gambling with.

Be strong - ODAAT

Hi,

My take on this is as cynical as ever. I wonder if you're in danger of getting completely sidetracked by the holiday receipts? Even if he does pull a weekend holiday out of the hat, don't let it become a smokescreen to cover the real issue - money is missing from your account and from your joint account. A weekend away? Paid for with your/joint money? Why didn't he ask you first? He didn't have your permission to use the missing money for any purpose whatsoever.

My husband behaved in a similar way when asked to explain the precise whereabouts of our children's savings that he had "moved". He was "looking after the money". We found out afterwards that he had gambled it at bet-on-anything-you-like dot com but at the time of our initial challenge, he was in total denial.

Focus on protecting yourself and looking after yourself.

CW

Hi how has your weekend been xx

The thing is, with a partner you should have no doubts in your mind at all about their honesty, any single cloud of mistrust should be enough, those warning bells are instinct and instinct is there to protect you! Listen to it, it's never wrong!

feelinglow wrote:

thanks for all your responses... another long lonely day!

i haave spokeen to my partner via text today and he is adament hes paid for a weekend away. He assures me he will give me proof of this tomorrow. I dont believe that at all nor do i expect to see anything tomorrow but one thing is for sure and that is I am feeling so much stronger today. I am absolutely certain that i will not let my future be like this in any way because this way of life is so unhappy.

I have told him tomorrow is the last opportunity to show me if this actually exists.. it doesnt take away the lies and stealing but at least it does mean that money wasnt spent on gambling alone.... if he doesnt show it (which i dont expect to see) then i will be walking away from this relationship and will never look back.

if it does transpire that it is the truth... then i need to next think about the biggest decision which is to give him a chance and restrict all access to money and accounts or move on...

i am absolutely dreading tomorrow as i know i will be disapointed but i must try and relax tonight as im making myself ill due to the stress and worry. x

How are you now? Thinking of you xx

Hi everyone... i havent been around too much lately as ive been focusing on work but wanted to log in and update you all. I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support as i was really struggling with ths situation.

i know there wont ever be a fix for this but i have made the decision to give things one last go... then i can feel that i havee done everything in my power to trya nd make a go of things. He turned up and showed the documents to me and even though i can help doubting him we will see if the truth transpires or not!

i think its true to say everything you learn at GA support is true... dont let your guard down,... learn to never trust and always be in control... and thats something im trying to adapt too now.

i am feeling so much more in control and i have learnt that if my relationship isnt bringing me happiness then i need to move on... so we will see what the future holds! x

Hi everyone... i havent been around too much lately as ive been focusing on work but wanted to log in and update you all. I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support as i was really struggling with ths situation.

i know there wont ever be a fix for this but i have made the decision to give things one last go... then i can feel that i havee done everything in my power to trya nd make a go of things. He turned up and showed the documents to me and even though i can help doubting him we will see if the truth transpires or not!

i think its true to say everything you learn at GA support is true... dont let your guard down,... learn to never trust and always be in control... and thats something im trying to adapt too now.

i am feeling so much more in control and i have learnt that if my relationship isnt bringing me happiness then i need to move on... so we will see what the future holds! x

Hi feeling low it's good to see you popping by with an update. You sound a lot more stronger and positive than you were. Well done you for giving your partner the chance to overcome this addiction. I hope you can both make it happen and regain a happy future x wcid