I need advice from other gamblers.
Ive been with my partner a long time and known for about 8 years that he has a severe gambling problem.
This year while I was pregnant with our first child he started again and gambled 30k.
I guess there is no point going into details of his addiction as you will all know how it is. Ultimately I am the fool for staying with him.
My question is - do I tell my family and his?
Nobody knows apart from me and im tired of keeping his secrets or making excuses for why we have no money.
His toxic relationship with his mum I feel us a big trigger to him gambling and she also asks him for money. I think she should know 1. To stop being a trigger for him and 2. To know she cant rely on him for money.
I know if i tell people he will get very angry at me
Dear helpme22
For starters you are no fool!
my husband, the compulsive gambler, doesn’t know why, doesn’t want to look that closely at himself.
i think all family should know, but it won’t stop the repeated bad behaviour that they all have.
my mother in law knew she still secretly got a loan for him and lied to me for years. She still never mentions it. They don’t want to see their flaws. They are in denial and won’t admit to their bad behaviour.
Strangely yesterday we were talking about him gambling (he hasn’t gambled for 7 years). I asked does he ever think about it, he said no. He said the ‘key’ was stopping his access to money.
The problem you have is that he’s still in denial and still wants to gamble. Once they surrender, then they can start to get better and that includes being honest.
unfortunately you can’t do it for him. But you don’t have to lie for him.
I am a great believer in support from fellow sufferers, I like the support from a group. I learnt so many things from others in my position. I financially secured myself. I learnt to not be his enabler. I stopped trying to sort his mess out.
Dear merry-go-round,
If hope you did not believed him when he said he is not thinking anymore at/ about gambling. If yes, then you are so wrong because gamblers, be them playing or abstaining from it, will think forever at/ about gambling, the thing stays in the blood forever. How you manage the situation and how you stay away from it depends on every person fighting this addiction - there are countless stories of how one stopped and how one struggling. Good luck to your partner.
Bests,
Daniel
P.S.: You can beat it!
Dear Daniel you contradict yourself. How do you know what another person is thinking? How do you know if I believe him or not? My point was for him the best way to abstain was to not have access to money.
no one can beat it, you are always one bet away from disaster!
@merry-go-round you can actually beat it with the right safeguards and support in place. Such as signing up to Gamstop, having gambling blocking software on all your devices, blocking gambling transactions at the bank, exploring the causes through talking therapies.
I haven't gambled in months, I don't think about it ,I don't want to do it again, it's ruins your life
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