Practicality question about finances

Hi JazzMax,

sounds like there have already been some great steps taken. What I generally recommend is a set amount of cash per week. If he gambled online, it is safe to have it in one bit. To cover his basics and maybe an extra £10 or £20 on top. So if he generally needs £70 per week for petrol, lunches, etc. then £90 a week. It should be the same amount every week, and he decides how he spends this money, but once its gone its gone.

A very important part of the recovery process is to come back to reality with money, to practice handling money safely again. And this weekly cash that he has control over should help with that.

Hope this helps.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

If you use prepaid cards you will get charged a fee for having a positive balance, so you could put say ВЈ10 on the card but find out you lost ВЈ2 out of it on fees so not ideal if your stood at a filling station needing to pay for £10 petrol. A simple way is to transfer money from his account (manually in advance or via standing order monthly) then you can transfer small amounts from your account to his daily via mobile app. He can keep hold of his card but will never have more than a set small amount to use on it.

Morning,

When my gambling addiction came to light i gave up all access to cards and cash for a long period.

IMO do not give a gambler any cash at all. For me ВЈ10 could have given me a few hours in the bookies. Mrs Bal put petrol in the car and if i needed cash i was given a relevant amount on the guarantee i provided receipts to the penny. Even for my £2 GA meeting.

Harsh = yes

Deserved = defo

Did it work = yes. I got my card back after 9 months and still sometimes leave it at home if i dont need it. I last had a bet 2 and a half years ago but am always one punt away from disaster.

Be strong with him in the first few months and hopefully reap the benefits for many years to come.

Best wishes

I looked into prepaid cards but there's no facility to block them from online gambling so they were a non starter.

I totally disagree with the suggestion of making largish - or any- amounts of cash available. First time round Mr L had a tenner a week he could spend no questions asked. He used it (naturally) in the bookies. It was enough to keep the flame burning and it ultimately led to a doubling of the debt and worse. He now doesn't carry any cash whatsoever routinely. He keeps a small float at home for GA subscriptions and if he needs it for anything else e.g. a work leaving present I get it for him.

He had the card to the joint account (monitored by me daily) back fairly quickly as it was one of the few things he'd never abused but I kept the available balance at nil so I could see at a glance if anything untoward was going on. I still see receipts to make sure there's no cash going out undercover. That's the only bank account he can access and I pay for alerts on the credit report which will tell me if any new accounts are opened inbetween monthly updates. He also has NOC's lodged with every credit agency saying he doesn't want to be offered credit facilities even if he applies for them.

You need to find a way of doing things you're comfortable with and that keep him 100% accountable. He will get used to it. If he forgets about the petrol, he won't do it again. It's another of the consequences to the way he's behaved. That said gift vouchers for petrol and food spending could be an option (see receipts) if you're not ready to let him have the bank card.

Hi Jazz, sorry to hear you have found yourself in the middle of this mess & glad you have sought help for yourself too.

I kept hold of our joint credit card for fuel etc as that was the best way of my then partner (now husband) of seeing @ a glance if I’d crossed the line but although I didn’t provide receipts, I too had pocket money for lunch etc. It was degrading but no-where near as painful as my losses were becoming & even then on the day when I figured I could cobble together a few quid, I almost succumbed whereas when I was in action, I wouldn’t have bothered stepping foot inside a bookies or a bingo without a good wedge. Although I planned to only lose a small amount, I always knew I’d need a wad to chase when the inevitable happened.

I’ve read that your husband’s damage is online, but I wouldn’t risk letting him get his hands on any spare money @ this time as it’s very common for us to get a fix wherever we can. This is where I stumble: My mother also has an active addiction but her poison is the shops too & so I have her as an additional cardholder on my Barclays credit card...You couldn’t gamble with a credit card in the bookies when I was active & Barclays will allow you to remove the cash withdrawal facility so she can still eat & drive (plus I can ensure minimum payments are met). Sadly, this is a massive “no no” for an online gambler so am wondering whether a basic bank account (which blocks online transactions...Barclays also do these) would be your safest option. It still involves a huge babysitting element as you would need to transfer money into it but not being able to use it online would be one line of defence for you & you could limit the damage by only transferring enough for the day in the 1st instance, increasing to weekly if you felt it justified but even then, you need to stay on your guard.

Whatever you decide moving forwards, keep looking after you & your little girl - ODAAT

Hi,

I closed down all his accounts (starting with the ones in our childrens’ name that he’d abused). His account was in overdraft and I insisted that our home was transferred into my name in part compensation for what he’d taken from us. On that basis, I cleared the overdraft and closed that last account. Now everything is in my name and he receives his allowance via a single joint account that I maintain with a minimal balance for which he has a card. I wrote to the bank and said that I did not and will not authorise any loans, overdrafts or gambling transactions but otherwise either of us can operate the account, the bank didn’t reply. His desktop is fitted with GamBlock and all other laptops in the house are password protected.

It’s not foolproof. If he wanted to, he would but so far he hasn’t tried. As far as I am concerned, the aim is to protect family money and not to prevent a relapse.

It’s really about you doing what’s comfortable and manageable for you. If he’s going to gamble, he will, if not, he’ll use the allowance for the purpose intended. I have heard of allowances being administered via a cash card account (card is only available for withdrawing cash, no Visa facility).

Look after you.

CW

Thanks for the advice everyone. Norland, that seems the easiest way but I've been told that him still having an account in his name there's the possibility that he can still go overdrawn (or arrange to get one), get a credit card or loan etc. Congrats on your progress, Bal. What's a NOC, Lethe?

Hi again

NOC = Notice of Correction. Infuriatingly there's no facility in the UK to outright freeze credit applications as there is in the US but this was the closest alternative I could find . He needs to register it by post with each agency (addresses are available on theor websites). Mr L's reads along the lines that he does not wish to be offered or extended credit facilities even if he applies fr them and/or appears to qualify. Its not foolproof, neither is the paid for report monitoring. If they are determined to gamble they will find a way but it's better than nothing. On another note allowing a couple of his loans to default and/or taking out a debt management plan are also quite effective at restricting access to eye watering amounts in loans because they will cause his credit rating to tank at least for a few years. Not an option if he needs to preserve his rating for any reason but I was happy to allow it in Mr L's case as neither of us have any plans to apply for credit in the future.