Reaching out

Here we are again.. After sorting out £700 of payday loans in December with the help of my elderly mum my son has just got 2 more loans and gambled again. Daft thing was he was feeling great having got straight apart from one loan left to pay. To have you're son ring you crying that he doesn't know what to do and is going to probably lose his fiancГ© and son is devastating. He has been to a Councillor who told him his only friend was gambling and needed to get a social life. He always says he needs to see someone after the event. I just don't know as a mum how to help anymore. They are supposed to be getting married in a few months and have a beautiful child. He is in full time work and life should be great for them. My ex husband is arranging hypnotherapy as my lad is at rock bottom but it just seems to be a never ending circle. He has cut bank card up but the loans are from the Internet he says it's killing him but when he gambles nothing else is in his head. I'm terrified where this will end. Is it really possible to get out of this destructive addition.

Hello, WF,

Sorry to hear it, my sympathy is a given ...but... There is a saying that the gambler will play as long as someone else will pay.

So as long as you keep bailing him out and clearing up his mess, protecting him from unpleasant consequences, nothing will change. From his viewpoint, it doesn't need to.

I recommend reading this part of the forum, including the whole of this thread, the advice is already there. It's counterintuitive but with this progressive addiction, it really is a case of being cruel to be kind.

You shouldn't blame yourself, contrary to what he would have you believe, you haven't failed in his upbringing and it's not your fault. But it really doesn't help for you to take on the responsibility for what he does, that responsibility belongs to him and him alone.

And we've all bailed out with the best of intentions but again, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I've not seen anyone report on this forum that hypnotherapy has helped. What does change things is when the CG hits rock bottom and is ready to seek and accept help for his or her own sake.

Get help and support for you, take care,

CW

We'll it's 12 months on and my son is married but the gambling is still a massive issue. It's now payday loans and online gambling as he puts his wages into my daughter in laws account. I can't understand how now he has straightened finances out he then gets another payday loan and openly admits it's to gamble with as he was bored ! At my wits end

He does it because he can. He does the gambling and everyone cleans up the mess he leaves. If he is openly admitting he is gambling there is little anybody can do. See if you can find a way to detach yourself from the problem.

I know it's very hard but you will drive yourself insane trying to fix this for him.

Cathyx