HelloÂ
My name is Mary and I am looking for advice. My older sister, now 75, has been getting into trouble through gambling, off and on, for the past 35 or so years. There have been periods when she abstained, i think.Â
Now she is telling me she relapsed, won't be able to pay her arrears in rent, may lose her car, and be kicked out of her retirement flat. She is asking for financial help. She chose to make this request on her birthday.
We have been here many many times before. I am not sure if I can believe her, and fell like she needs to take responsibility. I also feel the request is manipulative, given the timing. I feel saddened that this particular demon has gotten hold again. She lost her dog recently, which may have contributed to the relapse or increased the need to gamble.Â
What do you think? What might be the best course of action?Â
I am retired and not rich, but could possibly spare something... But I doubt it would make any long term difference... I'm worried though she'll end up in the street, in dire straights. I live in the U.K. but she is in Canada...Â
Advice welcome
Hi Mary,
Thank you for sharing your lived experience. It sounds like you are holding a lot of space and compassion for your sister's circumstances, whilst staying grounded how her actions impact you both. That her behaviours could be described as destructive and manipulative, yet putting them in context of a persistent pattern and recent bereavement. You are also aware that your ability to support her is limited, both in terms of finances and physical distance.
The "best course of action" as you put it, can only be decided by you. You mention that you doubt any interventions from you would make a long-term difference, so on some level you are cognizant of what sustainable support might look like for her. Reflect on your capacity, your internal and external resources, your rationale, and your willingness to help as a compass to direct you.Â
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With that said, here are some support offerings that may be of use to you:
- International Gambling Support Contacts | Support for those experiencing gambling-related harms overseas
- Gam-Anon | Mutual aid group focusing on the experience of affected others
- GamFam | Registered charity connecting individuals who experience indirect gambling harms
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As always, you can get in touch with the Advisers that operate the National Gambling Helpline and Live Chat 24 hours a day should you need additional input. We’re here to support you, whenever you need us.Â
Kind Regards,Â
Forum Admin
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