Hi I have recently (2 weeks ago) found out my husband is a cg. As you can imagine I am devastated. I have cut his cards up and have set myself up with a new bank account, and have been reading up on the forums which has helped immensely. He has admitted that he is addicted and has taken some steps via Gamanon to start working through the 12 step programme. Found out last night he has also set up a new bank account. As well as using all funds in our joint account he has also stolen my credit card from my purse to feed his addiction. The problem is if I can't get access to this new account how can I trust mortgage, bills etc will get paid. He states he needs a bank account?? Am I being fooled here? I have made no decision whether to stay and support him or leave him yet as it's still very raw but we have been talking through things. Can I live a life where I cannot leave my bag/purse around have to hide bank cards etc and spend everyday checking bank? I really am not sure if I can.........? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Hi whataboutus, sorry to see this. If he is going to GA he should be attending a meeting at least once a week. In some places there are more than one. Alarm bells would be ringing for me with new bank account. Addiction is very powerful and if he is in the grip of it you won't know what he's doing. It all about secrets. So if he wants new account fine but you need to be the one paying the bills and mortgage. Agree to that and he can set up regular payments to you. These things come before any debts. If he has been to GA they normally suggest someone handling finance for a cg. Stealing your card is a worry. Call gamcare and maybe find a gamanon meeting for you, they are relatives of a cg. Usually same time as GA but in separate room. No one can advise you to stay or go, maybe get some help first. Credit reports to see if more debt. I don't really know what else to suggest. Just safe guard your money, don't pay his debt.
Hi Whatabout us, welcome to the forum 🙂
So sorry to hear you too are on the receiving end of the appalling behaviour that us gamblers are capable of & whilst I'm not sure that 'being fooled' is the right terminology, if you don't have some degree of control over that account then he isn't doing right by you. I can see why someone would genuinely need a bank account but they don't need to have money in it & if he isn't allowing you access to it (and his credit reports for that matter) then stay suspicious because he's very likely to still be in action. It's pretty standard practise for you to lock down your own finances & you do have to see that bills are being paid because if he's already stooped to stealing, non payment will be child's play in comparison !
He will actually be @ GA (Gambler's Anonymous) & 2 weeks seems very quick to be working the Steps. GamAnon is something you should be considering for yourself as that is the branch that offers support to our loved ones. The helpline may also be a good port of call.
You need to get your head round addiction, especially if you are planning on sticking around & somehow figure out what you need from him. It sounds to me like he may have been caught out rather than coming clean & is paying you lip service @ the moment...The more you know, the better prepared you are to spot when he is lying.
It's gonna sound crazy, but you need to try & look after you - ODAAT
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