I really don't mean to be negative but it's that time of year, I'm literary bracing myself for a gambling disaster from partner. I hope I'm wrong- the random picking a fight scenario has already started every few days in its bizzare manipulative way-this is usually a bad sign. he has managed to confuse me with the finances/control/access to credit reports very intelligently over a period of time. To question anything Is offensive and not worth the fight emotionally- I've not got much left in me for another round guys. Someone please inspire some strength if anyone else has any fight left!! Xxxx ps please don't advise me to take back control of his finances and challenge and encourage counciling,I just cannot do it all again. It's not like he just says yeah sure of course I understand - I don't want to be yelled out and emotionally beaten thanks.
Hi again BIS, you've had all the advice in the world already I'm afraid, there is no magic wand but ringing the helpline may give you some much needed strength. I wish you well but you have to put yourself 1st, no-one deserves to feel the way you are! Sadly, living with a compulsive gambler means everything is 'your fault' & the only way to stop the emotional abuse is to not tolerate it! Be strong & don't be afraid to do what is right for you - ODAAT
Hi, BiS,
Am not unsympathetic but how do YOU want to live YOUR life?
How you live your life doesn't depend on how he lives his. You're your own woman, not some leaf blown about by his wind. You make your own choices, unlike the children, who get stuck with what adults provide. You control you, you have choices about what you do, doing nothing is one of them. But at least take ownership of the choices you make. Blaming him for your decision to stay and walk on eggshells is the equivalent of him blaming you for his gambling. Easy enough to do, understandable, but it changes nothing.
You've already found out that waiting for him to change/stop isn't improving much. If you want things to change for you, you have to bring about changes in you. Starting by getting the help and support to do it. Or not, it's your choice.
CW
Hi
Feeling pretty much the same, Christmas is always a tough time anyway as my partners mom died around this time so every year i get the dread. For me the bickering and moodiness and him feeling 'ill' and tired has started again this past couple of weeks so like u i am too waiting for the next gambling disaster. That said i am trying to focus on me,my family, friends rather than block them out as i have in the past. Im also preparing mentally for my response which will be ok, so YOU tell me how YOU are going to fix YOUR mess. I know that won't be easy as naturally I am a fixer as many of us are but i am going to be strong for me, for my own health and sanity. We have to try and not dread the day, the day when it all goes wrong just when we thought things were feeling normal. When and if the day comes when it all comes crashing down, let's take a step back, remember our worth and remember its their problem, not ours so why should we feel the mental and emotional burden and pain.
I hope you are wrong and if not please remember that even after the darkest of nights the sun will rise again.
Xx
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