Hi, I have just found out that my husband has been trying to pay off approx £26k of gambling debts which he accumulated in 2018. This came to light through me finding some credit card letters.
My husband has had issues with gambling throughout our married life and I had been able to build that trust back but now I am torn about how I feel. On one hand I feel that he has protected me and our children as he has been paying off the debts and he has activated the ban on all online gambling sites etc and tells me that he hasn't gambled since 2018 and has started a course via Gamcare. However since this has come to light he has told me that he is going to struggle with payments as he consolidated his credit cards with a loan with a high interest rate.
I am now struggling as to whether to agree to a joint loan in order to reduce the payments which in turn will benefit our household income as there will be less outgoings. I have told him that I want all of his wages coming straight into the joint account and that he transfers all his direct debits to the joint account so I can see exactly what he is doing and that he will get an allowance each month. Is this the right thing to do?Â
Hi Lupylou and Welcome!
The trusted advice is this.......Protect yourself financially straight away and separate your money......you can only help him from a position of strength and knowledge.
Do not bail him out as I can't see whether he is truly ready to stop. Gambling is a powerful drug addiction and you need to learn more about itÂ
Forget joint accounts as you need an account for you and an allowance account for him.....joint accounts are not the best way in the face of this addiction as they only cause confusion about who is going in for the money and it's more complicated restricting access
Forget trust for now as he doesn't need your trust. He needs your love and understanding that he is an addict that needs to go into full recovery.
All your financial dealings with him must be ultra ultra protected and yes he should be on a small allowance with any salary going to an account in your name or totally controlled by you.....you need financial advice about his salary going to your named accountÂ
This is not about disliking him or treating him like a baby.....it's about saving his life his dignity and self respect.
You have a job on of securing who is paying the mortgage and seeing all his credit reports.....you will just know if he's gambling again and if he doesn't provide receipts or gets tetchy you can assume he isÂ
I wish you all the best and the forum is always here for further information and advice
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
