What a year this has been.
I have been with my partner for 6 years , but those years have been a total lie it seems and I have left him.
It was strange, he needed to be out of the country all year so from November to march we were constantly going on holiday. Sounds wonderful? It's not, I am disabled and all that travelling was too much.
On my Birthday in May this year he just popped out for half an hour but was gone 5. He came back and announced that he had been offered a job for the season in Greece but he had to be there in two days. He is an entertainer. He had no money - I didn't know at the time why he had no money, so he asked me for his travelling expenses plus some spending money to tide him over until he got paid, I was unhappy, but he put a lot of pressure on me so I had to agree in the end. He promised me that as soon as I got out there to join him he would repay it all plus give me my travel expenses. I couldn't really afford it, but I felt I had to go along with it.
Three weeks later after much begging from him I joined him, it was an all inclusive holiday resort, nothing special and we had a partly furnished room, with no facilities at all. We ate the hotel food and could drink the all inclusive alcohol. I only drink a but of wine and it was disgusting, he was constantly knocking back whiskey and on the odd occasions we could afford to buy a bottle of decent wine (for me!) He ended up drinking that too. He kept telling me that he hadn't been paid, and indeed he was constantly texting somebody but it certainly wasn't his agent because I asked her and he definately had been paid.we couldn't go out for a meal or see the sights on his time off because he had used all my money and he said he hadn't been paid. I was so miserable I came home, actually that happened rather quickly, I found myself booked on a flight rather suddenly come to think of it
When I got home I was having a clear out when I found d bank statements hidden behind a wardrobe, being an entertainer he always had a room wherever he worked so it was odd that mail had been coming for him to my address. Funnily enough he used to rush to get the post for me to save me the effort, the little darling
He had gambled away all our savings plus all his wages .it shocked me how many thousands of pounds he had wasted on online sites, in bookies and so on. Then debt letters started arriving, and debt collectors and it all got really stressful. Apparantly he had forged my signature to get himself on a utility bill at my address, from there he opened a bank account, from there he took on dozens of credit cards and payday loans, all between March and May this year. I was going hungry by the way, because he was not contributing anything and I was feeding him. Stupid me. Still I didn't realise the seriousness of the situation
I spoke to his family (we are both 60 by the way) and he told me that he had always been a gambler. Then finally the penny dropped and I realised why he had no cash in the last 6 years even though he was employed. Then I started to wonder what he didn't have a bank account, why he had no fixed address and why he only ever wanted paying in cash.
I did some further enquiries with his family- why they didn't tell me this I have no idea, but I needed to know. Firstly he has a 9 year old son I knew nothing about, he had never mentioned him, secondly his daughter who is a solicitor also didn't know about the son, but she told me that when he and her mother first met he was put in prison for buying and selling used cars at auction using fake cheque books and whilst on licence he committed armed robbery on a post office. At this point I had a breakdown.
There is more. I had to report him to the police who gave me a crime reference number to try and get creditors off my back, which, touch wood, is slowly starting to help, I had to put notices of correction on my credit files and have had to deal with two other women who thought they too were in a relationship with him.
I never knew about the gambling, but it makes sense now. He is a perpetual liar, a thief and a criminal. The CSA are after him for 54K maintenance owed for his daughter and an amount I don't know for his son, this will be why he likes to remain under the radar and not have a permanent address. He has been sacked from three previous hotel jobs for taking money off women and not repaying it. And he is still on the bankruptcy register. His daughter tells me that when she was small - her mother comes from a wealthy family, - their house was burgled one day , and shortly after he was seen driving around the channel Islands in a new porche with his new girlfriend meanwhile because he had not paid the mortgage and had, again, forged his wife's signature , she ended up having the house and car repossessed and was 100 k in debt.
So, I am totally stressed, never suspected any of this. Now, does anybody know the answer to this. I have bits of his clothes and shoes here, he had no where to leave them when he went abroad, and obviously I want rid of them. He is back in UK apparantly and I gave him 28 days notice to collect them. Can anybody advise me?
I am trying to slowly rebuild my life, my friends were all his, so it's not easy, plus I am disabled, plus he has stolen all my money. My her at feels lime a brick. And no I will NEVER have him back.
What do you all think! Gamblers comments welcome too as you have been there.
Thank you for reading this rather long tale.
An incredibly sad tale, i am a cg, and I have now stopped gambling. Some of the things you describe are really awful, fraud, not paying bills the debt issues, I have not gone that far, I have wasted my own money, nearly all of it, but I have never missed a bill in my life, I have no debt, and I have not taken from my partner. However our future financial situation is bleak, bleaker than she realises (we have independent houses and finances), but I feel terrible at what i have done, I did not mean to do it, but I did and one day I will pay the price for gambling all my savings away. I am telling you this because some CG's have a concience. I would say you are well rid of this man, and I would like to say tonight I am really feeling for you, life at times can be so rubbish - take care
Thank you. My heart is broken. Six years of my life. Yes, hats off to you for admitting it. He is different, he is in denial because he doesn't want to be free of it. He is a crook. He stole all my money too by the way, We never lived together, but he managed to steal my identity. It is me who is paying the price. He will just carry on. Good luck to you and thank you.
Welcome Newlook, to the Forums.
You have taken tremendous courage by sharing your story and experience with the Forum and its users. You have taken some positive steps in recognising the problem gambling your ex-partner has and how it has impacted on the lives of the people around him. You sound as though you are now wanting to take some decisive steps in changing the problems that have arisen through the impact it has had on you emotionally, physically and financially.
We advise all people who have been a victim of fraud, and have had any money taken without their consent and who have been stolen from, that this is a criminal offence, and you have the option of reporting this to the Police and taking it forward from there.
To get support for some of the emotional impact it has had on you, you need to recognise the positive step you have taken by talking about it on here and getting support from others, however there are also services you can access, such as counselling support, and we have a list of counselling services you can access. Please feel free to contact one of our helpline advisors who can provide further information and advice on this, the phone number is free; 0808 8020 133. The helpline advisors can also facilitate transfers to the counselling services.
It also sounds like you recognise that the relationship was both emotionally and financially abusive and would like some support in dealing with this, you might find extra support for this from a service called Womens Aid (National Domestic Violence Helpline) here is their free helpline number ; 0808 200 0247.
Please continue to use the support of the forums, and feel free to contact our helpline, and netline services.
Take Care
Forum Admin
I am a compulsive gambler and what you describe could have easily been me doing this terrible things, some things that have been done to you I have done and am not proud to admit that.
As a compulsive gambler we are unfortunately very manipulative, I did the post trick I would increase our overdraft on Wednesday so I could intercept the post on Saturday while I “graciously” allowed my partner to have a sleep in. As I read your story I was not far away from going down the same path as this man in fact I was most certainly on it thankfully I’m now a much better path. You sound to have started doing all the right things, I would suggest if you have not done already to get a credit report that way you will be able to see all the skeletons in the closet and unfortunately I would not be surprised if more came to light. I lost my partner of 19 years over gambling and she, has now after 12 months been able to move on with her life which I am pleased about she never asked for any of the pain I caused.
You need to concentrate on you sod him bag his stuff up and put it out of sight for the 28 days then just get rid start a clean slate. I would also recommend calling Gamcare they will be able to offer you some support and counselling which you may find helpful.
I can only wish you all the very best in the world, you sound like a very strong lady I must reiterate that you need to check your credit report if you haven’t already. Ive just realised you posted 10 days ago i hope your are doing ok under the circumstances.
KTF
Hi
Gambler of 14 years, stopped for over 3.
Thanks for sharing your devastating story.
I was pleased to read you have reported him to the police. You might be able to recover money much more easily. You might be eligible for legal aid cover if you are on certain benefits or on a low income.
Dealing with the emotional side must be difficult- understanding how someone could do this. There are support groups for family members of addicts which might help.
Hopefully some of the brilliant posters who are 'other halves' will chip in soon.
Wishing you well.
Louis
Hi Newlook,
Thank you for taking the time to post your devestating and sad story. I'm a recovering CG, my situation very much like Lost My Life's. I never stole from anyone to fund my gambling, but then again I suppose every pound I lost would have helped my family live a better life.
To me your partner has lived a life of being in denial and also a conman and a theif. I'm so sorry you are another innocent victim of how this awful addiction ruins lifes. I wish you all the best and hope you can recoup as much of the financial damage as possible. Be strong, don't let this terrible experience get you down. A recovering addict always approaches recovery one-day at a time. You do the same my love and each day you will grow stronger and become the person you want to be.
All the best.
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