I have a 15 years relationship with my husband. He’s perfect until he quit his job 5 years ago and started trading forex. I’m having a high-paid job from which i managed to have a credit loan of around $500.000. Gave them all to him and he burnt them all over forex.Â
I know im stupid.Â
during the time he kept burning money, he had mood swing and high demand of emotion support. I gave all my trust in every words he said until he threw out our last pennies. And our house.Â
im now the only one who’s making income to pay the debt (which i will lost ability to pay in next 2 months due to losing my job). He shows a very deep regret over what he did over the years and start finding jobs, also trying his best to maintain our basic life.Â
i’m wondering does he do it because we have no ability to borrow money for gambling again or he really does regret. Should i continue to help him?
additional point, i got the debt one by one, not all at once. He said sorry many times before and ask me to borrow money to help us make over. But every time there have money, he’ll convince me to give it to him for trading to get back what he lost. It turned us into today point. I really dont know what to do. Even when i love him so much but i constantly have the feeling that he will go back to the addiction right after we can have little savings. I exhausted and never want to be in that situation again.
the more i love him the more i wonder whether im trying to lie myself about this man. Is he using me?Â
Hello Duck,
Welcome to our forum and thanks for sharing this.
I can hear how confused and exhausted you’re feeling with your husband’s gambling. It sounds like there has been a huge impact on you financially and emotionally and you’ve been left questioning what to do next.
I can hear you’ve got to the point where you don’t know whether you can trust your husband any more when he says he is sorry – after he’s borrowed money from you previously and gone back to trading. Deciding whether you should continue to help him isn’t straightforward and I can see why you’re uncertain about what to do. It can be so difficult to know how best to help a loved one when they’re experiencing gambling harm. Working out your boundaries so you feel safe and comfortable will hopefully help you feel more in control.
I imagine it took a lot of courage to face those difficult questions of whether your husband is using you and whether you’re lying to yourself. If you are struggling, I wonder whether you could try and find some support so you can process and explore this further? You have mentioned dollars so you may be living outside the UK but if you do live in the UK, you are welcome to contact our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 to chat to us and find out what support is available to you.
I hope you’re able to continue writing down your experiences on our forum and gaining the perspective and support from others.
All the best,
Claire
Forum Admin
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