Its now 15 days since my last binge gamble...more than a months salary spent in one day..ooouch. And more than 3 months salary lost since the start of the year and we are only in April! I have a plan...a very tight strict budget for the next few months. All going well...and should nothing unexpected crop up I should hopefully have my credit card cleared by the start of June. I know it doesnt seem that long but every day seems like a life time waiting for next payday so I can see my credit card balance decline. I had worked so hard these last few months...earned alot of overtime...much much more than I normally would. I cant help but beat myself up about how much I should have actually saved since the start of the year with all this extra income.And instead I am spending every available penny paying back a credit card bill. It hurts so much to know that I have done this to my self. What kind of self destruction path was I on...I dearly hope I will never ever face this problem again. What a waste of a life. Its such a sickening feeling. I was in the supermarket the other day...and for the first time ever I paid so much attention to the prices...and bought the cheappest products I could. Its amazing that I was swapping out the products just to save £0.20 here or there...and yet 15 days ago I was putting £20 spins on the slots every few seconds...without a thought.Maybe this lean period can teach me the value of money again...
Hello Valdab,
Well done on getting to 15 days GF. I understand that time can drag when you are so tight on a budget. You are allowed to give yourself a little extra money to enjoy yourself (doesn't have to be a lot). Of course this is at a cost of longer paying the debts but im just giving you something to think about. I maxed out my payments for the first 5 months and it was hard but i understand that the idea of getting out of the debt gambling has created seems like a big milestone point.
I still have a couple of years of payments but i have seen that giving myself a life within that time is more important. Yes i could pay it off a couple of months faster but the debt isn't the main issue that i thought it was when i first stopped. We are very good at not giving ourselves things of real value in the real world when we are caught in addiction. Allowing yourself a little treat here and there gives you some insentive and some rewards for not gambling and also allows you to feel what money and spending it on yourself is like as we often lose its value while gambling too!
Be kind to yourself. Once things start rolling the days soon fly by. Yes its not easy at first and recovery is a very long road but SUCH a better way of life and we can come out better people for it.
All the best.
Thank you so much for your comments and kind words. Funny how I could waste £1,000's in a few minutes but find it so hard to do anything nice for myself...almost a punishment for being so stupid. I have booked a trip in mid June so that is my reward...really looking forward to it especially as if i can keep my focus now til then I will be enjoying that trip with a clear credit card and new beginning.Fingers crossed that this is the last time I ever put myself in this situation and under so much stress and pressure again.
Gambling is very much like self harm. Its more mental, like we don't feel worth spending money on ourselves, even though we work so hard to earn it!
Great that you have a trip booked. Don't get me wrong as i say i totally understand the want to plough through the payments and that is one route you can take. Just be mindful that you are worth it and stopping gambling, even with a debt doesn't mean you have to deny yourself things in the real world. Gotta get used to spending money "normally" again. It does take time.
Take care =)
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