Hi I'm 23 living in the UK just for the last 6 months. From Sofia, Bulgaria.
Been gambling since 12, Casinos since 16.
As a kid I couldn't stand a loss. Any game, sports etc for me losing was not possible. I went all aggressive suddenly. This has taken into my whole life since then.
Texas Holdem Poker, slots.... I'll never forget my first winings. And my biggest... And the special ones..
But now more than 10 years of gamble , last 5 serious ( big casino 20 sec from my house has a big role here )
And then the last 1 year as a Texas Holdem poker cash player ( started to win huge , from 180 days i have gambled like maybe 165. 8-14 hours/day . I couldn't stop - had too many friends that were also playing every day and living in the center of the city just making it impossible. Also putting more money on the slots while just waiting for the cash games made my life a huge circle without a possible exit.
At one time there was no more possabilities that I could live there with an actual realistic eye becouse of being in debt.
I came here, started work. 3 days after I've quit becouse didn't like the people.
10 more days without work made it impossible to think of gambling anymore.
Good then.. 2 months without gambling, hard work and paying all debts ... was feeling great.
Suddenly I was going 3 weeks of holiday in Bulgaria. Went to Liverpool just for the idea of wining a bit before the holiday and not playing in my country... I won £200 for 2 hours and went home...
That was a big mistake.
First day in Bulgaria- no gambling, watching my friends blowing their money.
Next 20 days - couldn't stop gambling even while traveling with a car to other cities.
Ended up those 2 months here before being useless as I've got in the same debts.
After coming back I was clearly 100% sure gambling wont be in my mind anymore since I cant afford it in any ways.
25 days have passed.. I was doing good and even had ВЈ200 in me that I owe nobody for this week. Thought maybe it's ok going for a £40 tournament just to sit there and not gamble with cash, but chips in the tournament...
Well the worst has happened - wining 1st place of ВЈ1400 made me fly so high that I went home after the 9 hours tournament and next days celebrated a lot without working. After 1 week I felt so sick without having chance of getting my adrenaline boosted from nothing but betting a few pounds plus spending too much money for stupid things... And won totally £300 for 2 days slots and home poker with friends. I was deffinattely feeling better after that big break and could work everything anytime.. Was I thinking ?
From that moment .. I wake up now after 10 days being in full debts and having £0 , owing money to friends , housemates , and losing my job becouse yesterday I went gambling some borrowed money and got home 5 o clock, starting work from 7 am so I couldn't really hear the alarm.
I have very serious problems. Debts I can't afford and owing money to everybody around and that I know. Even my ID card is put for £30 with 1 guy and can't start a new job...
When I had the money everybody was happy but now nobody trusts me anymore.
Always I was thinking that I'm stronger than gambling, but maybe my whole life being around it its now impossible to not try when I have some money ready to be spent...
Really I don't see a way out of this since it's very complicated as you read. Only seeing in the mirror all my reputation and life paths lost
I've had hundreds of people I know as friends, now I cant look them at the eyes.
Im stuck now in a house where people are looking after their stuff even as they know I'm never gonna take something that's not mine. But it's normal I know..
For every moment I knew all this is going to happen.. and still couldn't stop it.. its bigger than me..
Wanted to share this, thanks for reading.
Welcome to the site , it all made perfect sense everything you wrote . Firstly you have done the best thing you could have done and admitted you have a problem . It’s a situation you find yourself in that gambling has been the main contributor here . The only way you can go is up . As you know when you are a compulsive gambler (sounds like you are) then you are a compulsive liar . It’s no wonder that people around you don’t trust you. That’s not entirely your fault, it’s what your addiction does for you . You have short term issues which I think you can tackle . Sorting a job and getting your friends trust back , paying off immediate debts . You have a long term problem that you need to get help with your gambling . Self exclude yourself from the casino and other gambling places . Is there a Gamblers Anonymous meeting near you ? These will help . With regards to immediate living day to day , are there hardship funds available or help from the government , council or agencies ? I’m not sure what is available to you. You have taken the first steps but if you don’t address your problems , they will be with you always . You go to a different country and they will follow you . Good luck and keep reading and posting on here
Thanks a lot for the support. I really feel so good that its hard to tell it. I now realize and have an idea of much more things than just gambling. Also got support from people that I never expected .. My only wish now is being able to help my mates from Bulgaria that every month they spend huge amounts ( with avg salary of £300 ... ) I dont think its possible tho since Bulgaria is all about gambling and spending your money. But nobody knows, maybe in a few years I may have the power for helping them and lots of other people.
Have a great day
Never let yourself feel like you cannot reach out to anyone or talk to the people closest to you. These are the people who will give you the best guidance and be there for you when you least expect it, the main key to it all though is being honest with them this will be the best way to get everything back on track along with the comment from Bryan seeking external help to voice your feelings to other problem gamblers may also help with the way you feel and the impulses you have.
I am in no position to preech as i find myself in a very similar position a the minute i thought i was stronger than impulse gambling but is recently got hold of me again. i hope everything works out for you.
I gambled in Bulgaria a few times and can say those casinos are very dodgy and don’t seem very legal! With regards to wanting to help others , that’s possible but I would suggest helping yourself firstly as you need to be a bit selfish at the start of you recovery
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