550 days Gambling free

I’d like to say that getting to 550 days gambling free was easy but having my second child and realising it could all have been lost by the spin of a roulette wheel or the throw of a dice made me think twice ,it was almost 15 years of gambling starting with the fruit machines with my mates and getting the buzz of a £10 win which slowly moved onto online gambling , football betting and anything I could bet on really, the difference was I was alone with no friends around me and my mind was in absolute bits along with my bank accounts , staying awake all hours chasing my losses flicking the screen off if my wife walked in the room , the lies and constant deceit changed me as a person and it was like a demon inside me  took control even when I wanted to place just one more spin ,or just one more pound ....another £10 won’t hurt ,the truth is though it does , I took out loans , I spent money I saved for a house deposit , I spent money that was meant for my newborn child , I spend savings that were my child’s ...do I regret it ....course I do it killed me inside but I couldn’t control the urges and it was tearing me apart.

I confessed 3 times to my wife , I attended ga meetings but I never stuck at it and that’s because In my head I could control it ....could I hell!! The spiral continued for years and years so did the lies and kicking the a**e of 30 year old I had nothing to show for my life, sitting one day after losing yet another spin and having nothing left I prayed in the back of my head that my wife would find out and put me out my misery ....she did ! Opened a bank statement and it was all there , I felt relief but I knew it was the end for us , a week later and I knew I had to take action Gamstop was my saviour and I started using this site , I read books and took advice I listened to podcasts , I gave control of everything to my wife and I went to see a counsellor , i didn’t go to GA meetings but I’m a firm believer that everyone will find their own way of dealing with this demon if they have the right support , she gave me another chance and the arrival of my second child has really given me something to focus on , I have very little urge now and anyone reading this needs to know that if you dig deep even when your feeling low and on the brink that you can fight your way back but only you can change your mind set . I’m not over this but 550 days is something I’m proud of ,I still have low days ,I still lack confidence and I still  worry about money and the buzz and rush from gambling is something I struggle to replicate ...I’m working on it !! Good luck and stay gambling free x