A CHART OF COMPULSIVE GAMBLING AND RECOVERY

You have helped me to understand things clearly. I get it. I have a problem- it's the rush I crave. The money is not even a factor when I'm in the game. I want my heart to beat to a steady rhythm I want to stop lying to my husband. I want to be free.

Thanks Chicagoguy, I find a lot of interesting information on this thread. Please do keep posting it is very interesting to get some information from a group therapy class, which is not available around my place. I cannot attend at this point the 1 on 1 therapy either due to lack of money for such thing, all that remains as a support is this forum as well as the medication I am taking . Well the medication hasn't seemed to help me much as I've been gambling constantly while on it, but surely has helped me with my depression, anxiety and suicidial thoughts.

Thanks again and looking forward for more posts from you.

MF

Goodmourning everyone,

We're learning about relapse in group therapy, so I will share some info with you all.

(REASONS FOR GAMBLING)

* Need for spectatcular success

* Rebelliousness and anger

* Freedom from dependency

* Social acceptance

* Escape from painful or intolerable effects

* Competitiveness

(RELAPSE SYMPTOMS FOR GAMBLERS)

* Critical of Gamblers Anonymous

* Exhaustion

* Dishonesty

* Argumentativeness

* Depression/self-pity

* Cockiness

* Believing it "can't happen to me"

* Omnipotence

* Expecting to much from others

* Letting up on discipline

* Use of mood altering drugs

* Wanting to much

* Forgetting gratitude

* Complacency

(WHAT TO DO WHEN RELAPSE THREATENS)

1. Invent ways to actively combat loneliness. We must take the initiative to make human contact with others in the ways in which we need it. We take the lead in building friendships.

2. Explore appropriate involvement in family counseling. Not all family counseling is right for us. It is imperative that we get it from people who understand addiction. Remember that men generally have more trouble committing themselves to family counseling than women, so it helps if recovering men take the initiative.

3. Learn what works uniquely for us as stress reduction. Some options are: personal talk, physical exercise, yoga, meditation and/or prayer, deep breathing, walking or jogging, athletic activity, biofeedback training. There are other ways--discover them.

4. Figure out exactly what we want from our jobs and then "go for it" Avoid unemployment!

5. Learn to cope with anger and depression. (Try some of the same techniques suggested for stress reduction.)

6. When you are afraid of relapse "talk about it" but to people who are wisely chosen.

7. If in Gambler's Anonymous, work the steps and stay close to your sponsor.

8. Watch what you eat. Do not "up" your usual intake of coffee, nicotine, and sweets. Attend to proper nutrition and do your homework on what to put into our bodies.

9. Be alert to the new and creative disguises of denial. Anything which suggests that the consequences of gambling can be trivialized or minimized is denial and must be confronted inwardly and with trusted advisors.

10. Find the spiritual path which is appropriate for us and begin to develop the disciplines which help us to stay on it.

**(THE OPPOSITE OF RELAPSE IS PERSONAL GROWTH)**

Thank you CG

Your piece there on Relapse symptoms for gamblers has really helped me today....

It all adds to my understanding of this illness ..

Thank you

R and d xx

Hello all,

Been doing a lot of posting on my diary, in the recovery diaries forum, of the information I learn in my group therapy sessions. I'am going to add some more on here for those that would like to read it.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Keep it simple

Keep your story simple

Keep your recovery simple

1. ADMIT

2. STOP

3. DECIDE

4. LOOK

5. SHARE

6. BE READY

7. LET

8. LIST

9. CORRECT

10. REVIEW

11. THINK

12. HELP

1. ADMIT: that I'am powerless and that my addiction has made my life UNMANAGEABLE.

2. STOP: being afraid and stop feeling alone. Accept that sharing is not a sign of weakness.

3. DECIDE: to let go and believe there's a better way thru recovery.

4. LOOK: at myself realistically.

5. SHARE: my inner most weakness with another human being.

6. BE READY: to improve myself.

7. LET: my better nature and instincts go to work for me.

8. LIST: everyone I harmed.

9. RIGHT: the wrongs I've done whenever possible.

10. REVIEW: my personality and my faults continuously.

11. THINK: about myself as part of mankind as a whole and how I can improve my tolerance, honesty and humility.

12. HELP: others thru my example to see peace of mind.

(MATURITY)

(MATURITY) is the ability to do a job whether you are supervised or not. To finish what you started, carry money without spending it, and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

(MATURITY) is patience. It is the willingness to postpone immediate gratification in favor of long-term gain.

(MATURITY) is perseverance. The ability to swear out a project or situation in spite of heavy opposition and discourage setbacks.

(MATURITY) is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort, and defeat without complaint of collapse. Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say,"I was wrong", and when right,the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so".

(MATURITY) means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are master of the alibi. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialized.

(MATURITY) is the art of living in peace with that which can't be changed and the courage to change that which can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference.

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

Hi CG

Thought id see how far id get wjth your maturity list....

1. Can do first 2 but not 3rd...am very vengeful

2. No patience at all

3. Getting better at perseverence

4.still complaining and still have desires to say I told you so, but have humility most of the time as it means the willingness to learn...have willingness but still often blocked,

5.i am dependable

6.am good at changing things I can but rubbish at acceptance as I am a coontrol freak obsessed with injustice,

So perhaps a 1.5 out of 6 and a " could do better" ... on my maturity report..

Xx

FAMILY ROLES (Claudia Black, Ph.D.)

In an addictive or depressed family system the disease becomes the organizing principle. The affected person becomes the central figure from which everyone else organizes their behaviors and reactions, usually in what is a slow insidious process. Typically family members do what they can to bring greater consistency. structure and safety into a family system that is becoming unpredictable, chaotic or frightening. To do this they often adopt certain roles or a mixture of roles.

Original work regarding family roles was by Virginia Satir, then adapted by Claudia Black and Sharon Wegscheider Cruse to fit the addictive family. Over the course of years the names vary, yet the descriptions fit. You are welcome to rename that which best describes you.

(FAMILY HERO * RESPONSIBLE ONE)

(STRENGTHS)

Successful

Organized

Leadership skills

Decisive

Initiator

Self disciplined

Goal oriented

(DEFICITS)

Perfectionist

Difficulty listening

Inability to follow

Inability to relax

Lack of spontaneity

Inflexible

Unwilling to ask for help

High fear of mistakes

Inability to play

Severe need to be in control

(PLACATER * PEOPLE PLEASER)

(STRENGTHS)

Caring/compassionate

Empathic

Good listener

Sensitive to others

Gives well

Nice smile

(DEFICITS)

Inability to receive

Denies personal needs

High tolerance for inappropriate behavior

Strong fear of anger or conflict

False guilt

Anxious

Highly fearful

Hypervigilant

(SCAPEGOAT * ACTING OUT ONE)

(STRENGTHS)

Creative

Less denial, greater honesty

Close to own feelings

Ability to lead

(just leads in wrong direction)

(DEFICITS)

Inappropriate expression of anger

Inability to follow direction

Self-destructive

Intrusive

Irresponsible

Social problems at young ages (i.e.)

truancy, teenage pregnancy, high school dropout, addiction

Underachiever

Defiant/rebel

(LOST CHILD * ADJUSTER)

(STRENGTHS)

Independent

Flexible

Ability to follow

Easy going attitude

Quiet

(DEFICITS)

Unable to initiate

Withdraws

Fearful of making decisions

Lack of direction

Ignored, forgotten

Follows without questioning

Difficulty perceiving choices and optons

(MASCOT)

(STRENGTHS)

Sense of humor

Flexible

Able to relieve stress and pain

(DEFICITS)

Attention seeker

Distracting

Immature

Difficulty focusing

Poor decision making ability

(THE FOLLOWING ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF BELIEFS WE HOLD THAT DRIVE OUR BEHAVIOR)

(BELIEFS OF THE RESPONSIBLE CHILD)

"If I don't do it, no one will."

"If I don't do this , something bad will happen, or things will get worse."

(BELIEFS OF THE ADJUSTER CHILD)

"If I don't get emotionally involved, I won't get hurt."

"I can't make a difference anyway."

"It is best not to draw attention to yourself."

(BELIEFS OF THE PLACATER CHILD)

"If I am nice, people will like me."

"If i focus on someone else, the focus won't be on me and that is good."

"If I take care of you, you won't leave me or reject me."

(BELIEFS OF THE MASCOT CHILD)

"If I make people laugh, there is no pain."

(BELIEFS OF THE ACTING OUT CHILD)

"If I scream loudly enough, someone may notice me."

"Take what you want. No one is going to give you anything."

(HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF RESPONSES TO FEELINGS AS AFFECTED BY OUR ROLES)

(THE RESPONSIBLE CHILD) "I must stay in control of my feelings."

(THE ADJUSTER CHILD) "Why should I feel? It's better if I don't."

(THE PLACATER CHILD) "I must take care of others' feelings."

(THE MASCOT CHILD) "I must take the pain away."

(THE ACTING OUT CHILD) I'am angry about it, whatever it is."

(ANOTHER WAY ROLES RESTRICT OUR LIVES IS THAT THEY DICTATE THE WAY SHAME MAY MANIFEST ITSELF IN ADULT YEARS)

(THE RESPONSIBLE CHILD) shows shame with control, perfectionism, and compulsivity.

(THE ADJUSTER CHILD) shows shame with procrastination, and victimization.

(THE PLACATER CHILD) shows shame with victimization, depression, and perfection.

(THE MASCOT CHILD) shows shame with depression, and addiction.

(THE ACTING OUT CHILD) shows shame with rage, addictions, and procrastination.

**WHILE THE STATEMENTS ABOVE ARE SUBJECTIVE GENERALIZATIONS, THEY DESCRIBE THE REALITY THAT MANY PEOPLE LIVE.

(Claudia Black, Ph.D.)

This is from my group therapy sessions,

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

hey CG..I think I can pretty much identify with ALL of these roles ..

In the family system I have played many roles due to the complications of being an adopted child and then being taken in an exsisting family unit due to my folks dying when i was young..

Played the lost child as an adopted child

Played scapegoat in the role of adult child to my alcoholic mother

Played people pleaser as codependant in the role with addicted parent

Played responsible family hero when I went to live with exsisting family unit after parents died and took on reluctant family hero due to being eldest by default .

As i got older I became family mascot in the good times but now under huge stress have reverted back to my primary role as family hero who failed and now am scapegoat again.

I'm my life I have played adopted child,youngest child,only child,eldest child ,orphaned child in the pecking order...a lot of acting for one soul in a lifetimes.

R and D xx .

hey CG..I think I can pretty much identify with ALL of these roles ..

In the family system I have played many roles due to the complications of being an adopted child and then being taken in an exsisting family unit due to my folks dying when i was young..

Played the lost child as an adopted child

Played scapegoat in the role of adult child to my alcoholic mother

Played people pleaser as codependant in the role with addicted parent

Played responsible family hero when I went to live with exsisting family unit after parents died and took on reluctant family hero due to being eldest by default .

As i got older I became family mascot in the good times but now under huge stress have reverted back to my primary role as family hero who failed and now am scapegoat again.

I'm my life I have played adopted child,youngest child,only child,eldest child ,orphaned child in the pecking order...a lot of acting for one soul in a lifetimes.

R and D xx .

Hey all,

To those of you reading my forum, stay strong, and stay dedicated to your recovery, your worth it!

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

8 months gamble free as of today

today i blew 3400 pounds in just under an hour on a fobt machine.

this is the first time ive ever gone on a site to speak to people like myself.

i still feel now that if i went back i could win my money back.

i hope today is my last bet.. i pray it is before it ruins my life.

i also feel for the people who have had there lives ruined by such an evil game.

Hey all,

9 months and 5 days gamble free as of today, stay strong and believe in yourself, you can do it!

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

Well done, Chicagoguy. Happy for you, mate. Hope you are doing well. Still doing the same. 9 months here too and it feels great to be free of it still.

All the best

Alex

Hey all,

Just an update if your reading my thread, still gamble free since 1/7/2013. Stay strong everyone and read up on the info I posted on this thread.

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

Gamble free since 1/7/2013

Hey all,

Anyone reading this forum, I'am 15 months gamble free, read my recovery diary, in that section. Stay strong, and I wish you the best in your recovery process.

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

Gamble free since 1/7/2013