Hi, this is my first post.
I have a gambling addiction to online slots. Four years ago I told my Mum and husband - Mum gave me money 'to clear my feet' (she didn't know the full extent of my debt) and husband took joint loan out to cover the rest. Although I take full responsibility for my actions I do wish that my husband had been more pro active: I have always dealt with the family finances and even when he knew I was up to my eyes in debt due to my addiction he never offered to take over, or offer me support. Anyhow, after a few months of no gambling I was up to my old ways again. A chaser of losses, like most gamblers and, despite how much money you throw at the beast you will never catch up.
I relapsed badly and have accrued another huge amount of debt. Typically, I'm always going to stop but last week I realised I was down to my last and would not be able to pay my mortgage. The bank manager could do nothing as my credit history is so bad. Luckily I contacted telephone banking and truthfully explained my circumstances and I was offered a one-off extension to my overdraft. I have hit rock bottom as tomorrow I will have to draw money from my 13 year old daughters savings - I have told her that I didn't get paid for extra work I have done and when I get paid on Thursday she will get the money straight back.
I am very lucky to have a well paid job and my debts will eventaully get paid providing I do not waste my money gambling. I have self excluded from all sites - I have even joined sites I have never played on and immediately requested self exclusion. Last week I received an email informing me I had £40.22 in an account I had excluded from. I contacted the company and they informed me the only way i could get the money would be for the account to be temporarily reinstated and then I could withdraw. I immediately withdrew the money and next day checked the account and the withdrawl was pending, so I cancelled the withdrawl and hoped to recoup some losses by gambling the money - it was gone in around 15 minutes and I felt sick. I contacted the company and was immediately excluded, again.
Enough is enough. I have been gamble free for 6 days and I do not have the urge. I have kept busy and my house is a lot cleaner!
I hope I've not gone on too much, but it has felt great typing this out.
I wish everyone success in their journey and hope we can travel the road together.
Take care
annie
Hi
Annie
I too stole from my children too fund my addiction.
Exclusion is great but you also need to block all gambling sites from all your devices including phone. K9 is free software that will work, also parental controls but you need someone to set the passwords for you. Please consider Ga, smart recovery, counselling to help you beat this insidious disease x
Hi day@atime
Many thanks for your comments which I taken onboard and have just downloaded K9. I have no internet on my ancient phone so that has never been a problem. My sister is visiting tomorrow so I will get her to change the password - she knows about my addiction and will be happy to help with that. I have had the number for a counsellor for a few years and have spoken to her on a couple of occasions but never met her for a proper session, I will call her in the morning.
Thank you so much for your comment about stealing from my child, it felt like I had been knocked over when I read it. It is a thought I have had on many occasions but someone else saying it makes it 'more real' if you understand?
I will get started in the morning and hopefully, start my diary.
Good luck day@atime, bless you for your honest comment xx
Hi Annie. If you can get your finances on a reasonable footing it will make a big difference to your recovery. Financial problems make it easier to turn to gambling to try and make some quick cash. As already mentioned, use every tool available to you to stop as I found the stress of stopping made me want to gamble and escape it all!
Hi all, well it's been 10 months since my first and last couple of posts and things have gone from bad to worse. I keep trying to stop but I just seem to be drawn to the slots, even when I had a really big win which would have paid off most of my debt I spent every last penny. I am an utter failure. I bought Gamblock and had a problem installing it and just thought...well didn't think if the truth be told and carried on chasing my losses. If I can kick this all consuming habit I will be happier, I know and although it will be a while before my debts are paid off I won't be adding to them.
Today is my day off and my husband is in bed after his nightshift. Normally I would let the dog out the back garden, play with her for a while and get the laptop up and running and wash my money away. My husband would get up and say 'why don't you have a lie down' (I've a medical problem). Of course I'd lie in my bed, but would rarely sleep having sneaked my laptop upstairs or told him I was going to check my emails. Well today, me and my lovely wee dog have had an hour and a half walk. when we got home she fell asleep and I have made a big pot of soup and dinners for the next five nights!!
I realise I cannot keep on the way I have been and I do feel a bit different today, a wee bit more positive. I have therefore taken the bull by the horns and called Gamcare for counselling - a thing I have never done. Tomorrow evening will be my first session and I am a bit apprehensive but keen to get started. When I posted earlier in the year forum members said how important it is to have this support to help you through and although it's taken me a while to get around to it, I am very pleased to have had a chat this morning with a counsellor, who sounded lovely and I hope with my heart that this will help me change my mindset and turn my life around. I have lots to be thankful for and would hate to lose it all because of this debilitating addiction.
Wishing you all well x
Hello Annie, I'm really sorry to read your post today. I was hoping as I read it was going to have a happy ending. But I guess the reality is, if there was a happy endning you would not find yourself here again. My addiction is also online slots, like you I have won good amounts ranging from 500 - 2k, but inevitably it aways goes, if not the same day the following week. I try to tell myself you will never win. The odds online are very good (haha, I know thats a joke) some up to 96%, where as in arcades some are 80 ish %. But this still means you will ALWAYS lose on the whole. But I think for me, I no longer play to actually win (I know how stupid this sounds) I think I play for the rush, the excitement of getting the bonus features etc. In reality we both need to gtr ur bonus features in real life. Like you have been with the dog and soup. Bless you love, I wish you all the luck. Teresa xxxx
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