Back again

Hi Spaingone, welcome back to the Forum, i'm sorry it isn't in better circumstances.

It is fine to fall as long as we learn from it, and make sure we don't make the same mistake again. If you keep making them without making any progress, then you need to either do more to force yourself, or do more to get to the root of the problem.

The problem with a new screen name is that people don't know what you were advised previously, so there is a good chance that they will be repeating themselves, hence they may well be less inclined to contribute. Nothing against you personally, it would be the same for anyone my friend.

If you want to know why you went back, then the answers are right in front of you - analyze yourself very deeply; what drove you to it? Did you allow yourself to "numb out" your past losses and experiences?

There is no other way forward other than zero tolerance, without exception. There is no half measures - it just won't work - you are not built that way and will never be capable of handing it. It is that simple.

JamesP

Hi James, thanks for your post, I have read many of your posts, they are always very supportive. I seem unable to 'let it go' that the bookmakers/internet sites are in possession of my savings, so I have kept going back trying to recoup slowly what I have lost, then when I start to lose what I have slowly gained in say ten weeks quickly, I let the red mist descend and I lose even more, even when I remind myself of these situations before I gamble the same situation occurs over and over again. I had started to gamble again just for a liitle social and petrol money but we all know where this goes. What I need to ask you is how did you put your massive loss on one side and write it off, and never attempt to recoup that massive figure.

Hi Spaingone, you are very welcome,

Two things made me able to cope with putting that massive loss to one side:

1) The realization that winning money is far worse than losing it.

The most I ever won in twenty years was £7000.00 (after losing approximately £350,000). Winning money seems like the answer to all of our problems, but in actual fact, it is much worse than losing it; the more you win, the more desperate you are to repeat that level of euphoria - the huge problem with that is your old stakes won't give that to you, so suddenly, you find yourself betting at a higher level than ever, which invariably leads to losing and then you are haunted day and night by that "golden goose" that never really existed - I never really had than £7000.00 because I never would have been able to spend it. At least with losing, you may stop at one point but winning is effectively mental poison to a compulsive gambler.

2) Making that massive loss mean something

I can never get that £350,000 back, and neither can you gain your money back either my friend - it has gone and there is nothing we will ever be able to do. So how do you cope? How do you live with it? By making it mean something - whenever I felt even remotely tempted, I remembered that £350k - it is a huge amount of money, but if I hadn't stopped six years ago, it may well have been £500k or £600k by now. That money, that £350k, is a good investment if it makes me never spend another penny on gambling again; it is a lot, no question, but it will never be added to and it is my tool that I use to stop me ever thinking about it ever again. Not only that, I use it to boost other areas of my life - I way always "say-er", rather than a "do-er"; I had plans but never followed through with them - now, I am the opposite, largely thanks to that £350k; I agreed to get involved with charity work which I never would have done before, but it is without doubt one of the best things I have ever done, I go hiking, travelling, write, sing and do so much more because of the £350k - if I hadn't lost that money, then I would never have done these things; it gives it meaning, it makes me able to draw a line under that time in my life.

It is never about the stake my friend - it is what it will lead to. You may start with good intentions but you cannot guarantee how you will feel and how you will react on any given day, so your only way forward is to stop without exception, zero tolerance. There is no other way and there can never be any other way.

Move on with your life my friend - it may be painful now, but it is extremely likely you will feel that way in the time to come. I strove to feel that way because I knew it was coming, I knew that, if I buckled down, the urges would lessen - the stronger they were, then the better I would feel in time.

Make it mean something as I said my friend - make it the one thing in your life where you said enough is enough and thought right, I will use it to make me a better person.

JamesP