Hi
I am a compulsive gambler who has been battling this horrible illness/addition since I was 18/19 and am now 36. I am married, have 2 beautiful little girls, a close family, lots of friends and a decent job.
Despite all these good things I have pressed the self destruct button once again and feel far worse than ever before. Back in 2009 my gambling came to light by accident as I'd moved home and my dad picked up my post for me from my previous address and because of how a statement had been positioned In the envelope he could see I had a massive outstanding balance on a credit card. When he questioned me on this I broke down and told my parents of my addiction and the daily trauma I was going through. I then got the courage to tell my friends and close family. Everybody was supportive of me. I joined this forum and it helped. My parents paid off my debts and ever since I have been paying them back with a direct debit after I get paid.
Everything was going well with this but due to the embarrassment and guilt of borrowing such a vast some of money I tried to pay back more than I could afford and made debts on other expenses. I got a loan to pay these off and have been paying it every month as planned and reduced what I was paying my parents.
I was really getting somewhere and felt my life had moved on. Then in the past 2 weeks for no reason other than I hadn't actually fulfilled the objective of finding out why I gamble i have been gambling and borrowed money and gambled that. I've been massively up but not been able to press stop or at least pause. I'm now owing more than ever. I don't think any amount of money would have stopped me.
I will get through this and I will be a better person in the long run. Reading this forum does help me and I am going to see this through to the end this time.
Thanks
I have just joined this site to help my brother and I know you are him so can I tell you how proud I am that you are able to write about all that happened (and think you need to finish!). I have put a message on the friend and family forum about how can I help you as I just want to do whatever I can for you. I love you. x
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Thank you Joydivider and worried sister.
JD I have today phoned gamcare and am being referred which is excellent. I feel like I've moved forwards for the first time in nearly 20 years even when I stopped in 2009 I didn't believe in myself so didn't see it through I'm in a position now where I will succeed.
I am going to begin a diary on here as this seems to be helping so many others. So now in day 2 of not gambling which is only small but it feels much better than Saturday morning did.
Hi this is so tough AND also worried sister
I have replied to the post in the Family and Friends section.
A common pitfall with some CGs is that they want to fix everything now. You can only do so much. Don't overextend yourself when paying off debts. All you end up doing is putting yourself under stress which, as you have found, can cause you to try gambling to fix the revenue shortfalls.
Work out your budget and stick to it. It took me 4 years to pay back my sister. She understood, as I am sure your parents and sister do.
The guilt will pass, as it did with me. I like myself now. I hope you do to, or will very soon.
Best wishes
hi this is so tough and worried sister
im in to early days of recovery(10 days) but it feels like im fully recovered but i know its a bumpy road ahead as like you said the family has bailed you out of £20,000 and now your sister has bailed you out of £10,000 but pal seriously you have to stop. do what i do, give your finances to your sister to look after, carry silver coins with you(10p,5p and 20p) totalling the amount of £2. the reason i do that is when i dip my hands in my pocket i come to realisation that im broke and this is down to me gambling ive lost over £300,000. and i wont be able to recover that amount back so i managed to accept that. its been a hard journey but worth every moment i can walk pass the bookie and smile knowng that what ever profit ive made for WH, carols or lads -are -broke. they won't be getting a single penny off me again. i currently have 2 jobs and work for 7 days keeps me occupied. slowly by slowly im getting there i want to be gamble free for the rest of my life i can't gamble because i can't stop. stay strong and don't look back don't ever lose loose your sisters trust because from the sound of your and her thread she's the last person left that you can trust and even though she's bailed you out of £10,000. don't be a fool and carry on.. its down to us to change our lifes around if you really want something you can obtain it. but it will take time. don't give up and always thanks your sister for being there. my sister helped me clear the last bit of debt i had yesterday. and i am so grateful to her that i will stand by her forever. just like the way she stood by me.... keep posting and reading post on gamcare, and also watch video from a guy called mr brightside gambling addiction(youtube) thats been helping me out alot. i know you will beat this but you have to be honest with yourself. take care mate...........
Thanks for your comments. I haven't gambled or even thought about gambling this week. To be honest with work and family my life is so busy I don't even think about it. That's why I don't understand that when I do find myself with an hour to myself I can gamble such vast amounts of money. More importantly I don't know why I refuse to quit ahead despite sometimes being £5k £10k £15k up. I'm rational in every other way in life and am considered by all in this way so what for those short moments stops me, greed ? , maybe but I think there's more to it and aim to find out what. First counselling session tomorrow and am looking forward to the beginning of talking about this and not worrying about the last 20 years as I've certainly achieved more positives than letting this rip my apart.
There is nothing rational about gambling and CGs.
We all had "wins". We all knew that those wins were never, ever going to be anymore than a means to have another punt, and to eventually lose it again. In the last couple of years of my gambling, I remember every time I was ahead, I was thinking to myself..." I don't deserve any of this money", and so I would stay at the venue until it was all gone. The next day, a brand new day, and I would repeat that cycle. Intelligent wasn't I ?
Occupying your mind is very important as an aid to halt your addiction. Keep the brain occupied, and your thoughts about gambling will be minimised. Even something as simple as a 1,000 piece picture puzzle, crosswords, suduko etc. There are plenty of ways to keep your mind ticking along, try some of them.
Best wishes
Thanks for the advice wal. Keeping the mind active and concentrating on other things I find is good and stops me thinking of gambling.
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