Hi all, never posted on a forum before but having read through a number of threads and reading the positive comments I felt like I needed to let my ‘ dark secret ‘ out and be honest for once.
I’ve been sports betting for about 10 years and don’t even want to think about how much money I have wasted in that time all funded by credit cards and loans. My goal? To make money for my family to live a happier life, unfortunately all my gambling done was gave me debt and depression, both of which I hid from my wife.
My wife found out about the gambling and I promised to stop, all was good for a while but it soon started again, the draw was to much for me, this happened a couple of times. This was a couple of years ago.
A year ago a family member payed off all the debt we had and our life began again, this was until the money we had started to run out and I felt I needed to make more, we both work full time but it wasn’t enough for me, I wanted us to have holidays and nice things.
In the last 6 months I’ve built 20k debt trying to ‘chase the dream’ all the while becoming more and more depressed and self loathing. Inevitably my wife found out again and I thought my life was over, I broke down in a major way and finally admitted my problem, not just with gambling but depression too.
It’s been nearly 7 days since I place my last bet and in that time I have seen a doctor and been prescribed anti deppresants and self excluded every betting account I have to the maximum time, I won’t lie that the draw to check scores and odds is still there but this is a fight that I will not lose this time, I never want to see the look on my wife’s again, it was total panic, but not because of the money lost, it was what it had done to me.
My lesson through all this is that talking to people really does help, I kept everything inside bottled up for fear of what others would say,but in reality what I got was nothing but support, yes I’m sure there are bad days ahead but as long as they don’t involve a bet then I will be happy.
Welcome to the forum,
You've taken a great first step by coming here. There are plenty of people here that are far more established and in a position to give better advice than me. However, I will say this, use the motivation you have now to get as many blocks in place as you possibly can. The pain of a loss or the clarity you find in a 'rock bottom' moment will fade (like a hangover) and the 'maybe gambling isn't so bad' thoughts will start creeping back in. Fortunately, if you get sufficiant blocks in place, when these demons do come knocking there will be enough barriers to buy you thinking time and prevent falling back into old habits.
Good luck and keep posting
Phil
Well done on taking the first step I'd be a similar gambler to yourself ie sports betting and constantly checking odds and scores,as Phil said above there make sure you get your blocks in place and hand over financial responsibility to your partner,bank cards credit cards anything that you have access to placing a bet with you need to hand it over..the first few weeks are the toughest to get through so prepare yourself to be tested but after that it gets easier,I no longer check odds or scores well only in relation to my fantasy football and only because I'm a big football fan but can say it gets easier once you learn to realise what's lost is lost and that money isn't as important as your mental health and your relationship with your partner,put them before gambling that's what I've done and am gamble free for 79 days now..good luck on your gamble free journey and as Phil says keep posting here there is great support on this forum.
I had to leave my fantasy football league because it was driving to many of my urges but I really miss it, these stories are very similar to mine chasing a big win and a good some of money that could really make a difference, it’s doesn’t actually sound that crazy wen you say it out loud but what I’ve come to realise is the bigger picture, I’ve changed as a person over the last year because of gambling it’s the big losses and the being skint and the being so down on yourself constantly that really isn’t healthy, Best of luck and I really hope we can all get passed this and feel happy again
[quote=Phil83]
Welcome to the forum,
You've taken a great first step by coming here. There are plenty of people here that are far more established and in a position to give better advice than me. However, I will say this, use the motivation you have now to get as many blocks in place as you possibly can. The pain of a loss or the clarity you find in a 'rock bottom' moment will fade (like a hangover) and the 'maybe gambling isn't so bad' thoughts will start creeping back in. Fortunately, if you get sufficiant blocks in place, when these demons do come knocking there will be enough barriers to buy you thinking time and prevent falling back into old habits.
Good luck and keep posting
Phil
You are very right, and I’ve been down this road so many time now, I think I have as many blocks in place. As I can find, I just wish I’d done it 10 years ago !
[quote=SEL87]
Well done on taking the first step I'd be a similar gambler to yourself ie sports betting and constantly checking odds and scores,as Phil said above there make sure you get your blocks in place and hand over financial responsibility to your partner,bank cards credit cards anything that you have access to placing a bet with you need to hand it over..the first few weeks are the toughest to get through so prepare yourself to be tested but after that it gets easier,I no longer check odds or scores well only in relation to my fantasy football and only because I'm a big football fan but can say it gets easier once you learn to realise what's lost is lost and that money isn't as important as your mental health and your relationship with your partner,put them before gambling that's what I've done and am gamble free for 79 days now..good luck on your gamble free journey and as Phil says keep posting here there is great support on this forum
I have found a lot of helpful post on here so far and speaking to people who are in the same situation has been invaluable so far.
We have a plan in place, full access to bank accounts, credit reports etc. Budget in place to start clearing the debts off.
I have stopped checking games, luckily I haven’t really followed football since my late teens so I don’t look anymore.
The more the days go by the more I come to realise that money is just money, what’s the point if you lose the ones you love or end up in such a state within yourself that you completely give up, luckily although I had very dark times, things already feel drastically better just for not spending all day looking at statistics and ultimately throwing money away.
Keep up the good work yourself 79 days is excellent and a really good motivator for me.
Heya,
The comments above are great and really helpful. The only think I could add is weigh it up. What if you had to choose between your wife or gambling? Eventually gambling would take over and wife would leave. Gambling creates an uneccasary issue that can be avoided. Once it takes over you could end up with damage to your relationship that you cannot sort out. With gambling, you can always get out of debt. Issues with wife can eventually last forever. What is the motivation to gamble that you could risk everything with your wife? Relationships are sacred. I have a wife, I've never subjected her to the version of me that has ever gambled. She is my motivation. I got into some debt through gambling, paid it off when I met her, decided to change and never have since gambled. She knew about my past as I felt the need to tell her and it hasn't been an issue. Even though that was nearly two years ago I still come here as I think reading, speaking to people and getting an education about gambling is vital for a good recovery. It's never been a problem as I've been honest, have never gambled because while I could see the flashy lights and get the dopamine fix from gambling, I choose to be a good partner, move past the gambling, get the fix from being a good, honest, hard working partner who pays their way and supports their family. It's weird but maybe I have since held the opinion others have of me in higher regard as I don't want people to think I gamble which really in myself I feel is a horrid and negative character trait. The projection to others makes me want to kick gambling even more. I know I'm rambling........my wife and family mean more to me than a flashy light so I guess I stopped. Maybe I want to be a safe bet. Maybe I just want to do what is right. Either way, gambling leads to misery, single, married or divorced. I think that is my realisation.
Great post as it just unravelled something for me. Taught me how much I've changed in two years.
Thank you.
You'll beat this......just think of what you could lose.......
All the best,
Abet
Hey Abet
Thanks for your comment and we’ll done for 2 years.
It has been 12 days now and to be honest my life since has been so much happier, strangely it has bought me and my wife closer together, and as of yet I haven’t really had an urge to gamble.
What you say is very true, for me I think it was the desire to have the money for us to live a good life but since I have realised that in actual fact the money we earn is more than enough for us to have a good life and it was just the addiction giving me an excuse for what I was doing.
My family’s is certainly my motivation to beat this and never look back, I find this site very inspirational and just what I needed.
Thanks again and I look forward to the day I’m 2 years gamble free.
If you want to keep it going click on my username and the follow the link to my blog. There you will see everything I have done to keep the problem at bay. ​
Especially give the link to your family so that they can eduate themselves and help you get through this.
Mike
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