Broken & Lost

Posted by: @dazza85

↑

I am a gambler. I am compulsive. I hide my spending but I chase addictive needs.  I last spent money gambling yesterday. I thought I had my gambling under control, I stopped myself after losing £1000s online sports betting but then started going to casino's. I stopped that realising I was never really winning to get back into online gambling again losing thousands.  I stopped myself and blocked myself from most service online and picked up online RPG gaming. Before I knew it I was pounding money into online gaming "To be the best" paying for 5% chances to upgrade equipment literally £150 for a 5% chance over and over and over.  My wife has worked extra shifts to pull us out of financial hardship whilst I've been spending off my credit card the whole time. When I stopped myself spending in the game I started to buy crypto coins chasing that dream. Today I sit here a broken and lost man.  My wife and family have now found out the amount I've been spending. We already did TWO remortgages to get finances back straight.  My wife's left yesterday I don't know if she will return. I love them so much that's never in question. The last message received from her was "I don't have the space for your self pity".  That hurt but I can't argue it. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't understand why I even do it. But time after time I can't help myself but spend money I don't have to chase bigger and better.  I called in sick in work so it's also affected my day job. I've no idea if my wife will ever give me a chance after she ALREADY gave me two. I'm a joke. I'm worthless and she's right nobody needs to here the self pity really. I'm sorry. 

I've reached out to beacon for 121 support. I've booked in for a regular Tuesday gamblers annonymus meeting from next week. I've sold everything I could online to get some cash back to pay off some debt.  I've reached out to my GP. 

I can't think what more I can do but I feel an overwhelming shame and need to stop this.

 

Wednesday 21st January is day 1 without a gamble. 

[ removed link

 

 

Hi Dazza,

You are not alone and I feel your pain.I have lost all relationships and most of my friendships over gambling and have absolutely nothing to show for 30 years of work except gambling debt, regret and stress.

But it can get worse for you believe it or not as I have been there - your wife is 100% never coming back if you keep gambling and at best she will need to see actions and evidence of you stopping and changing.

We don't realise the damage we do until everything is over BUT speaking as a 53 year old man, it will get progressively worse for you if you gamble on. I am living proof of lost homes, relationships, 7 figures in money (300k in the last 2 years) and am a broken man but I also know that if I stop today, I can have a future of such.

I wish you the best and would welcome staying in touch.

Michael

Hi Dazza

I feel your pain!

I am only 4 days gamble free and am also broken. I’m finding that reading diaries on here and staying close to my own diary is really helping. If you look up weirdfish, he went through a similar problem with his wife in the early stages but he is now coming up to a year gamble free and is doing so well. I found his diary inspiring and it may help. I recommend reading from his day 1.

Hopefully we have the strength to stick with our recovery this time around.

Em x

Sorry to all concerned that have lost a Lot of money.Please believe me you can Lose any amount there was a big gambler initials TR horse racing gambler lost 250 million.Just to remind you their is no limit to what you can lose. 50 years ago i had a bet of £50 pounds I had 50 pounds on a horse won 8-1 i won £400 the Bookie said to me i was only young winning this money is the worst thing that could've happened to you , over a lifetime it will cost you. 50 years ago £400 pounds is like 30 grand now you could buy a house for 4 grand even cheaper. The bookie was right through out my life i have lost more than you could believe. Any younster reading this gambling will destroy your finances and mental and Physical health. the answser to stop gambling is more simple than you think.Just STOP and Lead a normal life.anyone can stop if they want, just let your brain heal and manage the compulsions.

@mickypitt  thank you for your post.  Your absolutely right. I want to put everything into this and remember every day I'm an addict ! It's been hard to accept infact it's took me 20 years to accept it. 

I will do everything I can to show my wife I really mean it.  Only time will tell as to wether or not she loves me enough to stay one last time. 

I hope so! 

@ypqtfao731 similar thing with me. 18 years old I dropped £2300 online slots. 20 years old I landed £20 on green 0. Every since I've chased like it's a normal thing. Good luck and thanks for posting !

@837aobfmvu don't give up Em! Honestly keep at it. Let's do this together ! I'm day 2! We can do this.  I will check out that guys post too thank you!