Morning all,
I spent most of last night, reading your posts and diaries. This after coming to the realisation I’m very deep into this addiction and also very unwell.
Quick background…. I’ve gambled on and off for years (I’m 40) I have a partner of 12 years and 3 children (my 15 yr old I hardly see due to myself being a waste of space).
I’m in and out of jobs in the care industry, usually leaving due to becoming triggered over something.
I’ve been unemployed since Nov 30th 23 but have managed to obtain another role that I’m waiting to start due to checks etc.
Over the past 4 months I have gambled every bit of money I’ve had… it’s sickening. My head is gone. In January I had a seizure (appears to be one off) but very scary and spent a few days in hospital. Once better I was looking for jobs, gambling, arguing with everyone… vicious cycle
Now for the truly disgusting part (pls don’t judge). I stole from my children… my youngest 2, their savings. A few days ago, no one in house, cash it all in the bank £400. Get home, lose within an hour. Break down crying.
I immediately informed my Mrs who was surprisingly calm, called me all the names going, but replaced their money as well as paying all bills and hid from me away from house thankfully.
yesterday my mum who knows nothing gave me £100. I got it up to £250 and lost it all. This has been going on for years (although I’ve never stole before.. new low)
my head is a mess… I simply have to gamble everything… ALWAYS LOSE… EVERYTIME through addiction and greed.
I’m sorry, this is long.
I wish you all a happy Easter and luck with your journeys.
Dan.
Hello Dan83,
Welcome to our GamCare Forum and thank you for sharing with us here.
It seems that you have been reflecting a lot on your journey thus far and there are reflections which you are learning from but also things which bring regret and guilt for you. Well Done firstly for being here and taking this proactive step in reaching out, sharing and connecting with others on our GamCare Forum. This is a positive step forward and we are here to help and support you through this.
Please know that you can always contact us through to our helpline to speak to one of our advisers for debrief or if you want to access more of a 1 to 1 support through GamCare. The space hopefully will also provide you a space to talk to someone about your journey - space to go through this together with someone. Our helpline is open 24/7 and you can contact us via call on 0808 8020 133 or go through our website and chat to someone.
If you wish to access more peer to peer support then please do join our chatrooms too where you can connect with others going through a similar journey to yourself here: https://community.gamcare.org.uk/chatrooms/ .
We would also advise that if you are in mental health crisis and require immediate support, please contact one of the following numbers for support.
Emergency Services – 999
NHS Mental Health Crisis Team – 111, Option 2
The Samaritans – 116 123
Best wishes,
Brielle
I can relate to what your going through I've not been doing what I need to be doing in the household I'm in. Gambling every penny. It's disgusting what this addiction does to you. I've been on here since 2015 still battling my demons. I hate myself.
Hello Thisisruiningmylife,
Thank you for your kind support of Dan83,
It sounds like you are also going through a tough time at the moment. Sometimes we can treat other people with more kindness and forgiveness than ourselves. From your description you have been on your recovery journey for a few years now and have not given up. Despite and difficulties or set-backs you should congratulate yourself for your perseverance.
What can be helpful to rebuild our self-esteem and confidence is to reconnect with activities and environments that make us feel good about ourselves. That could be close friends and family and even pets. There may be an aspect of your job or hobbies that you know you are genuinely skilled at that you could remind yourself of. Finally, if there is opportunity to learn something new even through a short free course or volunteering can give us a wider perspective and a more positive outlook.
Please do call the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 if you need to.
Best Wishes,
Louise
Forum Admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
