Day 1 Diary - Desperate

Can anyone give me any tips and advice I'm struggling tonight

Hi and welcome.
The general advice to newcomers is exclude from all sites. Then get some blocking software. Ie k9 or gamban. You can also have the adult content turned on through your ip. You're going to want to hand over financial control to somebody. Your husband maybe? If by chance you need a bank card for work or whatever. Order a new one and get someone to scratch the cvv code from the reverse. It's then usless online with out it. The best advice I can give you is to be honest. Not only with you but with your partner to. Fake recoveries or going it alone do not work in the long run. Honesty is best policy.
Moving on gamcare do 12 free sessions of counselling maybe sign yourself up. There's also groups like gamblers anonymous

Quitting gambaling is the easiest thing you can do. We do it every time we lose. Staying gamble free is where you need to work really hard. But it's possible there's more than a few diaries on the forum that prove it.
All those diaries use some or all of the above.
I wish you all the best

Ps give samaritans a call if you're feeling suicidal. Or use the netline and speak to an adviser on gamcare.

Hi lulubobs and welcome to the forum.
I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. You've come to the right place.
Hopefully if you read the posts on here you will realise that you are not alone when it comes to living with this terrible addiction.
Many of us have felt how you are feeling now.
I just want to tell you that no matter how terrible you feel at this moment you can get through this.
Take a deep breath, look at yourself in the mirror and say that you are worthy. You want a better life, you can have it. You deserve another chance. Get through today gamble free. Tomorrow is a new day. You can prove to yourself that you can do this by taking it a day at a time. With each new gamble free day you will mentally improve.
Personally when I was at my rock bottom I found ringing the helpline here on gamcare and when it was closed, the samaritans, a massive help.
Just having a listening ear on the other end of the line helped me greatly. They do not judge and have helped many people who have been in similar circumstances to yourself.
Sending you a bucketful of strength. You can do this. x

Hi Lulubobs,

Good advice there from our Deano. In my case, gambling filled a void. Online slots was my vice, I happened upon them by chance, got a relatively big win within my first 20 spins, and the rush of adrenaline that followed was addictive, and what was missing from my life. I was bored and lonely, and my laptop and slots became my friend. Soon, just as you have found, it became the worst enemy I've had. Like you, I must have signed up to in excess of 100 online casinos, seeing the light so many times and self excluding, only to be lured back in when I was bored, or skint ironically, thinking I could gamble my way out of a tight situation. Stopping is tough, keeping stopped is tougher. Keeping the triangle broken has been a big help to me, if you take away either the time, money or location, you simply can't gamble, but also realising the reason that you gamble in the first place and addressing that is a must. The good news is, it can be done! There are several routes to choose, neither one is better than another in my opinion, just different - we are different creatures with different wants and needs. Just find what's best for you, and commit 100%.

Best of luck and keep your P****r up, day 1 is the pits, we've all been there though and you have to go through it to get to day 2.

Twinklyr x

Hi Deano thank you so much for your post. I'm really worried about the keeping it secret will make me fail in my recovery but I know if I tell my husband the truth he will leave and I couldn't bear that, you see he met me when I was recovering addict off drugs and I relapsed a few times so that was pressure on him then when I got properly clean I starting spending money shopping and got into debt more than once then I really got sucked into gambling and it has caused numerous problems with our relationship, he can't take anymore basically and even now I may have destroyed my marriage, he's away this weekend and he'll come back to me not having money again, I've stopped gambling but it may be too late already. If it's not and he's ok then telling him truth will finish him and us. I think I will ring the Samaritans I feel so very low, thanks for your time Deano

Just read your posts Little Miss Lost and Twinklyr, thank you so much for taking the time I really appreciate it. I will do that ring Samaritans and GamCare too I'm also going to try and get to a GA meeting. I feel slightly more positive, being on here helps as I've told no one. Just to talk helps. I'm doing that with my bank card too scratching out the last three numbers that's such a good idea. I feel sick right now thinking how I might have destroyed my marriage. Hope it's not too late and I've realised I must have an addictive personality because I've never not been addicted to something. I've requested counselling so hope this will help too. Thank you both again X

Hi I'm not saying you will fail if you don't tell your husband. But you have tried going it alone for year's and like you said. You always go back to gambaling. So the way forward may be trying something different? I know you say he may break up with you. But on the other hand he's stuck with you through your drug addiction. What makes you think that he's not going to stay with you this time? Obviously if you've been together 17 year's he's not just there for a laugh. He obviously loves you. Gambaling addiction will tell you all kinds of crazy scenarios to keep the little secret addiction hidden.
Please don't think you're alone.
Just reach out to someone
There's always someone on here listening.

Hi and welcome , sorry to hear your feeling so low but suicide is so final and you can overcome this if you really want to and try. Download the k9 software so that you cannot gamble and open up new sites, read some of the success stories on here they are so inspiring and get some counselling. Best wishes to you x

Thanks Deano I really appreciate your time posting I know what your saying but I can't tell him. I've self excluded now but today one of the sites was still open until they got my email so I gambled again I feel absolutely terrified doing without my 'crutch' logic and everything tells me it's destroying my life yet I'm so obsessed and feel completely lost without it. I'm scared I'll never be happy again is there really life after being so immersed in gambling? I guess I should read more stories on here too. Last night I was a mess I called Samaritans yet today still gambled (for last time). I'm scared and depressed don't know how I'm going to cope, thanks for listening

Thanks Anon100 for your kind words and advice yes I'm going to read stories on here because I'm desperate for hope thank you

Day 2 but not it's Day 1 again as I gambled but the site is now self excluded. I have also tried to open new casino accounts but because I've self excluded from so many the ones I've tried have automatically blocked me. So I know that's lucky and a good thing so why do I feel so down and empty the emptiness is horrible and not having a 'buzz' to look forward to. It's wrong I know logic tells me that but I feel so lost and empty yet a spark inside me is so relieved that maybe now I can start to be happier. And no more lying and deceiving which has wrecked my head. I've forgotten how I felt about life and activities before the horrible disease took over. I'm still trying I wouldn't be posting on here if I wasn't but so ashamed gambled again and tried to open new sites, hate myself for doing that thanks for listening I'm going to take one day at a time

Hi lulu reading back over your first post. You had a drug addiction yet you overcome it.
You're stronger than you think you are. You just don't believe it yet.
I think counselling would be a great kick start to get you in recovery.
I'm glad to see you're here still giving it a go.
Just believe in yourself more

Thanks Deano means a lot

Day 1 again still cos I gambled again today and lost a fair bit which I couldnt stand to lose. I am gutted but you know when your this far down the line you actually get used to having no money and losing its so sad. So I have self excluded from that new account already when usually I would stay for a while until it got way way too much. I feel really depressed but in a funny way also positive because I am quitting it, like you said I quit drugs so I can this. I am putting things in place properly this time and really going to try i cant take anymore, i think that its a crutch but its not I need to look and find something positive. Can I ask if anyone knows if you use K9 and it shuts down Safari, how can you still use the internet for normal stuff? I still want to use the internet just not obviously gambling sites. Would really appreciate advice on this. I have today filled out the counselling form for counselling through GamCare and will work hard to get to the bottom of why I am in this situation. Any advice on K9 would be most grateful.