Day 1 Diary - Desperate

Hello lulu

When you did your first post so did I. I feel like your bouncing between feeling guilty and then thinking f**k it and going and finding a new site and that's how I feel when I gamble. For me it was a way out. A way for me to stop thinking about things going on in my life. Then of course I would gamble...loose and then try and claw back all the money I lost which added to my problems.

I know what it's like to keep this from everyone. You don't want to disappoint anyone. You don't want to let people down. But the people who love you will always be there for you no matter what. Keeping this to yourself will be killing you inside. You don't need to go through this alone

Hi Redbear. Thanks for your post. I know what your saying about it killing me inside but I really cannot tell my husband. I feel better today facing up to losing my 'crutch' which just destroys us. I hope your ok and gamble free

Day 2 finally made it to day 2. I have still looked for new sites but there really aren't any I haven't been on and self excluded as the sister sites of ones I've been on wouldn't let me open an account anyway. Thank god because for me this is my block taking away the location to gamble. I'm trying not to beat myself up over the amount of money I've lost over the years, it's gone and I'm in debt so now to start anew and I hope to God a better life. I can't believe how very bad I've been feeling and all self inflicted. Right now I have no money am in debt but not gambled because I can't I feel a weights been lifted off me because I physically can't gamble now unless I go to a Bookies and I won't because it's a lot more difficult due to my home circumstances i.e. Dog can't leave long so the oppressive feeling is going thank god. I really hope my future life is happier (not had great life) here's hoping

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Hi allain thanks so much for your post, yes it is pretty grim, I feel lost and dont know what to do with myself so am starting to look at things to do though I cant think very straight at the moment, like you say thoughts about the amount of money lost and debt are swimming around in my head making it hard to think also urges coming fast and furious. Yes I agree totally continuing gambling will only make matters even worse, its crazy becasue you know that yet still want to gamble. I've always imagined I would get that one big win which would solve all my problems, doesnt happen though or if it does it would all go back in again. I cant really see the wood for the trees at the moment but am sure my head will clear and things will fall in place. I cant believe either how it sucked me in so much it is very sad at least that's how I feel about it at the moment. Thank you for putting that that stopping gambling cant hurt me but continuing will, I needed to be reminded that stopping isnt going to hurt me even though I see it as my escape. I can find other positive things to 'escape' into I hope. Definitely being on here is helping and I really really appreciate the posts I've had in reply, so much good advice and knowledge and caring, thanks allaine

Day 2 evening Kept busy today cleaning and sorting out stuff that I had been meaning to do for ages but was spending time gambling. Heads bit of a mess and cant think very clearly yet but thanks to support on here I know it will. Urges most of the time, not nice. Going to start looking into other things to do apart from work etc to occupy me. Pretty tough at the minute but cant wait until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thank you so much everyone for your support on here.

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Hi allaine thanks for your post and reinforcement I'm a bit ill at moment got a bug but read your post fully and your so right thank you for the additional reinforcement because I have been doing that justification thing I haven't gambled but thought processes went on to point I was setting it up. Reading your post has pulled me back and my counselling starts next Tuesday I want to be free of gambling for the rest of my life this is the beginning Day 3. Thanks allaine hope your ok

Day 3 not gambled got a bug though so short post. Happy that not gambled but still getting urges and trying to justify another waste of time, money and sanity. Still not done it so that's brilliant. Hope everyone is ok

Day 4 thought but less about gambling instead of it consuming my every waking minute even dreams! I'm actually getting some respite but still thinking about it way too much. I'm still down too but not suicidal can't believe that gambling bought me that low its scary. Have no money rest of month got to probably borrow and that's all down to gambling. Here's hoping I do this

good luck lulu just read your post and is such a struggle , im addicted to everything that,s bad for me too and im on day 3 but mostly down to no means and pay day tom for me so very sure ill succumbe a bit to the devil but your post has really helped and taught me how SERIOUS this is , i felt sucidal about 2 months ago , got a bail out otherwise would i lost my home and i have a 1 year old SICK

stay strong sweety x

Hi Spraggy, Im afraid I didnt stay strong, Im so addicted it consumes me, this time though I am going to do it its got to stop, good luck to you too hun i wish you all the best x

Day 1 again, gambled and lost £350 this was one site i found on the internet and all the way through opening it and one little voice saying just £20 and the other consuming devil. I've done, I really thought I could win and get out of trouble instead I am in more trouble, I cant take anymore its got to stop and the only person that can do that is me. So ashamed too after all the kind posts that I went back to it, i dont deserve any support but would be so very grateful.

Ok time to start a post in recovery section I'm moving on from new one to being seriously in recovery thank you everyone you've all helped so much

Such a great post. Thank you.

allainepo wrote:

Good ways to keep busy there Lulu, i had a load of stuff to catch up on when i stopped the gambling madness, still have actually, makes me wonder how i ever found the time to gamble as much as i did. I feel more annoyed now about the time i have wasted rather than the money. And as for cleaning well there is always cleaning to be done (certainly in my house) so that's a great way to keep busy. When you get the urge or feel you might be starting to justify a gamble in your head it's a good idea to log into here and just have a read. You know the drill, when we get the gambling trigger whatever it is and we start to kid ourselves that we can just have a little gamble to help (yeah like that ever worked), then hundreds or thousands of lost pounds later we are back to square one feeling terrible. Even a win is just a short term loan of money and false happiness. There is also some good stuff on youtube about addiction and your time will be better spent watching that than having a gamble. Keep fighting those urges Lulu and hopefully you will start using your time better, please don't waste any more time or energy gambling, we are fortunate enough to live in a country where we get to choose how we spend our time. There are poor kids being bombed in Syria and living on waste dumps in Kenya and we think that it is a good idea to spend many hours gambling, it is complete madness really and once you break the habit i hope you will find better use of your time and choices. There are so many problems already we have to face so lets not add to those problems anymore, instead let's get our lives, health, sleep, peace of mind, morality, sanity and everything else back that we have handed over.