My name is James and I’ve had a gambling problem for close to two years, which most of that timeframe I felt in control of my habits and finances. It was in May of this year that I under went my pre-contemplation phase, and until last night it stayed there. For four weeks now I have tried to stop gambling but end up finding a way to gamble on weekends, so I go 5-6 days and then fall hard…last night I contemplated for a few hours before letting my wife know my struggle and that I needed help. I am honestly on the verge of tears every other hour because the guilt I have seems immeasurable, and the debt I put myself in, although manageable, gives me anxiety that I don’t normally experience.
My addiction began with Sports betting and eventually became slot machines, where occassionally I had some very large win before losing most of my winnins and eventually resorting to debt for the habit - im now in the hole $16000 CND. At times I feel helpless, useless, and a complete degenerate. My wife and som deserve so much better from me.
This is day one, and Ive done several things to help me, being self-excluding from any app/website Ive ever played, using Gamban to help prevent access, and downloaded RecoverMe to help with my jounrey to recovery.
I am happy to have found a community to share my feelings and struggle with and I hope that by starting this process I can help myself and others in their steps to a gambling free lifestyle.
A few questions I have for the community:
1. How do you deal with the guilt and shame feelings associted with this illness? Ive lost 13k in the past 4 months and I feel like Ive stolen the life from my family…I have this deep feeling of regret and guilt and it eats me up on a daily basis.
2. Is communicating this always so difficult? I broke down to my wife at home yesterday, and Ive broken down twice today at work having read through some of the forums on break…I certainly feel a sense of release but it all just seems to circle back to my lack of self control and ultimate regret for this decision to gamble at any point previously.
You new life can start the day if you abstain from gambling the debt emotions and guilt will begin to ease get your head down and talk and work hard to stay off the gambling and life will get a lot better quickly
I appreciate the positive response and I think keeping busy is 100% what I need right now, along with reminders of why I am abstaining. Fortunately I have a good group of friends, some who have battled addiction, to help me through this. I can certainly say it is devestating and so difficult.
Well done for stepping up. This is the hardest step. I’ll be honest with you.
1. The guilt and shame is something that is tough to lose. It’s part of the recovery process though. You can’t change this now. The only thing you can do is promise to turn this around. You can provide the vets life for you and your family by quitting. It will be the best thing you ever do, for you and for them. The sooner you realise you can’t change the past, the better.
2. Communication is the key to beating this in a relationship. Gamblers are liars, plain and simple. Talking about things and being honest for once is freeing and important. You will get better at this and the emotional part will go once you accept part 1. Day 1 has to be a line under the days previous. You do have to become a new person, but just remember that person will be better in every way. You’ll be honest, open, you’ll have money, you’ll be able to talk about things without fear. It’s a tough journey but, honestly the best thing you’ll ever do.
Stay strong 💪
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