I am writing this with heavy heart. I know what I have done, I know I have to own it. I don't know why gambling takes over peoples lives, but this time it really has to mine. I always liked a flutter, either on the fruit machines or on the horses. When my wife left me (unrelated to gambling) I fell into a cycle of partying and gambling. I eventually put that behind me and moved on with my life. I left the military, found the perfect woman, and got remarried. Then my debts caught up with me. My wife bailed me out. I repaid her and was enjoying being debt free, enjoying having money, enjoying being able to own things. Then things got out of hand. I don't know why. 5 or 6 years with no gambling turned into a year of absolute compulsion. I was obsessed. Dreaming about gambling, gambling at work, lying and scheming to get more money. Lots of things were going on in my personal life with family illness, wife becoming more distant after her own family issues etc so I can only presume this triggered something in my brain and took me to the world of escapism that is gambling. It's just a shame that's all it is. My brain couldn't comprehend that I would lose. It could only see huge wins and amazing futures for me and my wife. Even writing this, my thoughts switched to big wins! Gambling is a horrendous vice. It makes you lie, scheme and deceive everyone including yourself.
Now I am in debt to a staggering amount. My last pay check was a yearly bonus and it all went in catching up on debts. I don't know what triggered this. I don't know what made my brain ignore everything, but I do know its time to get help.
Yesterday I contacted GamCare and they helped me out. I have contacted Step change and they are working on a plan to repay my debts (2.5 years to go!). I have put on all exclusion tools that I can and will be taking the option of having some sessions with the volunteers from Gamcare. I know this is only the beginning and I know I have a long road ahead.
The next step is to tell my wife what's been going on. This will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She doesn't deserve this, she deserves better. This addiction has not only ruined my financial life, but will more than likely ruin my relationship. I only hope she can forgive me and help me through this.
This is the last time gambling will take over my life.
I wish you all the best. My heart goes out to you as I am in a similar situation. I have done so much damage financially and my husband is the one getting a second job to bail us out. It will take years. I’m so thankful he is supportive and I hope your family is as well. There are so many triggers nowadays from ads and social media flashing money and making it look like you don’t have enough and just one Jackpot will erase all the bad so you keep digging yourself deeper desperate for relief. There is no easy fix and you have to figure out how to respond to triggers in a healthy way
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