Hey guys, I don't know where to start... I have always had a particularly close relationships with slot machines... when I am stressed out, the flashing lights help me zone out, when I am sad, they help me forget, when I am anxious, they help me relax, I was introduced to gambling at a young age. My step grandad had a problem with the arcades and scratch cards. He used to look after us a lot as kids and used to give me money to go and play on the 2p machines so he could play the bigger machines.. we live in a seaside resort so plenty of temptation around! Then when I was older, that's where I hung out with my friends, playing on the 10p pushers... when I was 16/17 I lied about my age to play online and found bingo- with the 'on the side' slot games of course! I've always worked, since I was 13 in guest houses and cafes and now I have a really good career spanning 10 years so far, so never had a problem finding the money to play. I even had a couple of big wins which only made it more exciting. As I got older I found all the different fun slot games online and in the over 18 sections of family arcades with bonus rounds and the potential to win big... I found it was the only way I could deal with my hectic life/family/work/relationships... it's what I do to unwind, destress, it's my little bubble away from the world and I enjoy it- until it gets out of hand. Sometimes I can spend £20 and walk away- but most of the time I over spend-dramatically! My family and partner know I have a problem. They just don't know the extent- when I disappear for a couple of hours, they know where to find me and that something is bothering me! But nobody knows how bad it is because I've got very good at lying and playing it down! If they knew how bad- it would be 10 times worse!
Hi Humff, this is an excellent place to start...Welcome 🙂
I too had a very long standing affair with the machines starting with the penny pushers, developing onto the FOBTS (thankfully never got to grips with the online black hole) & managed to teeter on the edge of collapse without quite going over the edge for years! The 'problem' with this is it allowed me to convince myself that I didn't have a problem, for a very long time. Historically we have gamblers in the family but of note, I followed a beloved Great Aunt (who did my looking after) & my mum into arcades/bingo & it took me almost 3 decades to get out. I have since severed all contact, firstly with the machines & of late with every form of gambling (I clung on to the lottery like the lunatic I am for several months after coming into recovery because for some strange reason I deluded that being able to somehow made me normal) & I can't begin to tell you how much better my life is now.
I've learned a lot about myself & although I never gambled solely to escape like you seem to do (I gambled wherever & whenever I could, happy, sad, calm or mad, nothing stopped me when I had money except the shop closing) I'm starting to rub the rose tint from my glasses now & can see I have underlying 'issues' that may have aggravated it.
You're here because you know you don't have it under control & I don't want to slap you in the face with a list of do's & don'ts but perhaps you could consider the free counselling service offered by GamCare? Gambling is a very destructive way of coping & they can help you unravel & steer you towards better coping mechanisms - ODAAT
Thanks for the reply ODAAT 🙂 I've known for a long time I've got a problem, I've managed to stay away from arcades for good few months now, slipped once or twice , but I work from home and travel a lot, it's only when I'm back in my home town that I get tempted. Familiarity I guess. With regards to the online games- well I've lost count the amount of sites I've tried to take control! I've set limits, self excluded myself, permanently closed my accounts, but I keep going back, finding new ones, getting leaflets in the post, open duplicate accounts and then trying to worm my way out of trouble when I try and withdraw and they tell me I can't because it's a duplicate account. I'm really going to try again... fresh start this morning- day one! I will not spend any money on gambling as of now! I've filled out the application for the counciling so thank you for the idea. I'll just wait to hear back. In the meantime, everytime I feel like I'm going to cave, I'll come here and have a read through....
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