Hi guys,
After a million and one times saying I'm done with this nonsense, I hope this is it.
I'm 38 and have been gambling in a ridiculous way for about 18 months now and it seems to be getting progressively worse. I don't really stop gambling for any more than a couple of days at a time, but each and every 'relapse' is that little bit worse than the last.
It started with fruit machines and their lovely little flashy lights, then onto online bingo and the slots and then I discovered the dreaded roulette. Oh the fun to be had with that. 18 here, 36 there.. So much more instantly gratifying than faffing around with bingo and trying to get on special features with the fruit machines...
Anyway, to cut a long story short, there were wins, there were bigger wins, there were losses, chases, pay day loans, more pay day loans, more chases and in the end, any win was meaningless coz it's just another stake.
So after so many pay day loans, my wage became meaningless. None of it was my own. I'd pay a loan off in the morning and by the evening it was back out again and being spent on roulette....
Time then becomes meaningless, what's the point when it's just to stare at an iPad for hours on end...
Fast forward some more and after tears, arguments, promises, generosity from family and friends, understanding from family and friends when they don't even understand at all, I'm worse than I ever was...
This time I'm alone, all bridges burnt, all trust gone, all money gone and all self belief gone.
I'm here today coz I got a well deserved and long overdue telling off from a friend after I'm crawling asking for yet another 20 quid to last me 3 weeks...
I wanna rejoin the rest of the world and enjoy it. I'm not gonna waste time blaming the bookies, fixed fotbs, the whole gambling industry luring us in... It' was my choice to start and it's darn well my choice to stop.
Tomorrow will be day one.
I don't need luck, that's got me nowhere in the past.
I just need a little belief.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and it feels wonderful knowing that at least someone out there will read it and get it.
Cathy x
Hi Cathy welcome to the forum well at least you have come to the right place it will be an uphill struggle at times but if you belive in yourself and walk away now and never look back that's the biggest win you will ever have. it's a long road but I as an ex gambler can tell you it can be done if I did it any one can. All the best thomas
Hi Cathy,
I totally understand and know where you are at, as I have been there so many times. I have followed the same pattern of lies, deceipt, false promises, pay day loans etc... the list is endless.
It is so hard to hear people say you just need to stop, but with gambling, the desire has to be there to want to stop gambling and not just because we have ended up in debt or ran out of money. Compulsive gamblers never ever win. I have won thousands and each time thought I could win more and ended up literally begging for money to survive from every possible source.
Its a terrible addiction to have and an illness that requires alot of help and support from family, friends and any gambling support groups. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it takes alot of hard work and commitment to acheive the ultimate goal of staying gamble free. Despite having had a few slips since I made the conscious decision to stop gambling, believe me that life is so much more healthier, enjoyable and easier without gambling in it. I am no where near perfect, after all I am a compulsive gambler but since using this website and attending GA I dread to think where I would be now if I hadn't done something constructive to correct my gambling, it was totally out of control.
I am only day 34 after having had a silly slip but i know as time goes on this illness will have less impact on my life.
Try and read as much literature to understand some of the reasons/causes of gambling and how to overcome it. We will never be cured but we can control this madness and learn to live a more fulfilling and enjoyable life with total peace of mind.
I wish you the very best and if I were you I would be thanking your friend who sounds like they will support you through your recovery.
Best wishes Cathy, it is hard but acheivable.
Hope x
Unfortunately it is also a cruel trick that usually we have to tackle this terrible addiction while we are at our lowest point.
Thanks so much guys for offering your support. I felt immediately better just reading your replies and knowing I'm not alone... Have been reading this forum for a couple of months now, but I think it makes a difference to actually put my own thoughts down... A big fat well done to you for now being ex gamblers. If I was on day 34 then I'd be over the moon and then some. I had such an awful day today to end such an awful week. Probably about 800 wasted and my wage is pretty cr** so that's a disaster really... An entirely avoidable disaster. Good grief, what a pickle we put ourselves in.
The peace of mind you talk about when you're gamble free is my motivation for now... It's not even the money, I can live on peanuts if I have to. But it's a pretty terrible lifestyle choice. Nothing should be all consuming, least of all gambling. It has probably made me an incredibly dull person, I know I feel dull. But hey, onwards and upwards. Feeling very positive now, and it's down to this site.
Keep up the good work guys,
Many thanks, Cathy x
I think gambling does make you dull, it numbs your senses - all you care about is watching horses run round a track or numbers on a machine. You lose your ambition, your motivation, your appreciation of life's little things that make it all worthwhile.
It is no way to live.
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