Feeling motivated to escape

Hi Annie2016.

You are exactly in the right place and I hope you will continue to use the forum.

I hope that you will also ring gamcare as many times as you like because its a great start with a one to one voice.

You have been honest and open about it on here. Honesty and openness are your main factors in making gambling history.

My main worry is any secrecy you have from family and you are in such an addicted secret world that you cant bear looking at the bank statements. You are not alone as thats how it affected many compulsive gamblers.

The recovery process is finding out who you are and reaching out for help and counselling. A chat with the doctor is a very good idea just to check for signs of depression and stress which lead to escape gambling

Online slots are the worst thing that ever happened and they will destroy you faster than anything. They are programmed for ultimate mind manipulation and its no wonder people got addicted. The deregulation and advertising is a national scandal. You need them blocked from your gadgets and out of your home

You must focus on exactly what gambling has done to you. Its not an income scheme or a get it back later scheme. You will learn about all the reasons why you are ignoring reality and ignoring the odds.

It will be an extreme help if you can tell someone close about the full extent of your addiction but I will leave you to build up to a right time and place. They can help control and manage your money while your mind heals

You Must stop gambling right now and get help to block/self exclude from every site. They are not your friends and are taking every penny of your savings. More importantly they are providing you with nothing but misery. When you have your phoenix moment you will see that clearly. You will be able to face life again and all your money will be your own

Being gamble free is a lovely feeling and I hope you will join us

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you so much for your comments - everything you say is so true and I now plan to come on this site whenever I feel the urge to gamble and even when I don't as it is very reasurring to read everyone elses posts and realise that I am not on my own trying to beat this.

On my last day of gambling I threw away £1500 - my main vice is online roulette - but as I was playing I felt as though in many ways I wanted to loose as I knew that until I had no immediately accessible money I would not stop.

Thank you, and well done on beating this too.

I love the fact that this site has how many days you haven't gambled: today is the start of day 4.

A x

Hi Annie,

Welcome to the site and congratulations on being 4 days gf! Your story is similar to mine in that my betting progressed to a level whereby I was spending all my wage and then dipping into my savings - I went through about 17k...at least. However after my last binge I knew I had to do something, a little light bulb went off and from reading your posts you seem to have had that moment to.

Something that has been of great use to me is the triangle - time, money and location. Break one of these and it makes it so much harder to gamble and gives us CG's time to collect our thoughts and ride out urges. For e.g. if you use a latop / mobile to gamble then download blocking software or remove the device from your posession. If you find you have to much time on your hands then explore new hobbies/interest to keep you busy. For me when I have broken the triangle I know I cant gamble and I dont get urges...or they are so small I dismiss them quickly because I know I cant gamble.

Also check out some recovery diaries - maybe start your own?! There are some inspiring stories out there of people who started out at their lowest ebb but have managed to be gamble free for a long time and this provides a lot of inspiration and hope that we too can beat this addiction - something Mr Gamble tries to take from us along with our confidence, self respect and money. They also talk about triggers...what sets us off on the path to gamble. Trying to understand your triggers can really help on your journey - I have quite a few but I have recognised my biggest ones and have been addressing them in therapy. If you can identify yours and work on them then that also provides another barrier to gambling.

Your in the right place to get all the advice and support you need...mix that in with some willpower and the desire to be gamble free and you can do this!

Good luck on your journey!

Thank you! That is inspiring.

I have often thought about what the triggers have been - and I certainly think a big one is just time to shut out all the anxieties and stresses of work, homelife etc as you can't worry about anything when all you are focused on is if your number is going to come up. Before I started gambling I have had periods of time when I have had an unhealthy relationship with food and I think gambling is another way of suppressing emotions and giving false pleasure (followed by the inevitable self loathing and guilt which I have often also experienced in terms of over eating.) Anyway, thank you so much for posting and well done to you and continued good luck. I do intend to start a recovery diary as doing it online I think will help to change my relationship with the computer in terms of gambling, and I am fearful of anyone finding a handwritten one.

In the self help book that I read it is shocking to see the statistics in terms of how many more woemn now gamble at home online and it reflects the ease with which it is available.

I have alos googled inspirational quotes regarding stopping gambling as I want to find something short, memorable and pertinenet to me that I can think of whenever an urge arises. So far there are a couple but a good one is about the best throw of the dice being to throw it away. Roulette is my achilles heel and I really want to find something short and sharp to have almost like a stop sign.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and replying. I am finding this site so supportive.

A

Have messed up - this blasted gambling. Had an email from a site that I had asked to exclude me saying that of couse they could do this but that they had put £10 in my account, obviously I had to go back onto site and spend the £!0 and then deposit another £60 and then throw this away.

I must STOP throwing money away. I no longer want the gambling industryto prosper from me! Todays date is my Mums birthday so as I did not manage to make my birthday the last time I gambled, I will make today the last time!

Had a job interview today and got offered a new job (probably why I was tempted back by the destructive gambling as I was feeling offguard and happy) and am no longer going to waste another penny!! Couner back at zero for the last time.

x

Early stages Annie2016.

Personally it took me ten months to get a grip after joining the forum and then it was a phoenix moment just how strong my blocks should be backed up by telling everyone close again

It may well be that you havent set up the real test yet because that was an easy entry to gamble. They really are despicable offering these £10 bonuses because they are a false bonus.

They know that you are highly unlikely to win anything at the real odds and they also know that it leads to chase gambling.

I cant stress enough that your recovery will be 10 times harder if you dont tell people close.

What you have is honesty with yourself and others. We need to be honest with ourselves because it leads to reaching out rather than keeping secrets. Its also because you have to work out in your own mind why you gambled and that can take counselling and all the help you can get.

So I would say no real test yet so dont be too hard on yourself. What you need to do is take the fight full on. If gadgets are an entry point they should be managed for you. Please make sure that you block from everywhere you would think of going online. Online is the worst thing that ever happened in gambling derugation. Take the fight on and dont let them in your home. One of the things that kept me away from online gambling is that I didnt trust them from a distance and I would never let them into my home

When you work on your feelings you will realise that its not entertainment and more like tempting you to be doing something you shouldnt.

Ive just finished another computer game .£1 it cost me and its given me many hours of entertainment. Now thats entertainment and you will find something else worthwhile to be doing

I cant believe I ever got sucked in by spinning reels. You will feel that way also

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you....words of wisdom indeed.

I di feel at a loss at the moment. Am starting again for the final time. I will look into counselling, but really don't feel I can tell friends or family as after telling my closet friend at Christmas, I have not really had any contact since and feel that it has damaged our relationship. I wonder whether it felt too much for her to deal with but I feel saddened by the repercussions of telling her. I have just lost again...I feel like a broken record but this time really is the last. If I get any emails I will delete then straight away, I will not google casinos, I will enjoy life gamble free. Financially I can not afford not to. Will try and write every day on here, and I will begin to read the stories of others.

Thank you

x

Annie,

My story is very similar to yours.

Sometimes I feel pressurised (non intentionally, I'm sure) on this site to tell everyone close about my gambling problem. However, it is very complicated and, if I thought it was the answer I would but I had a similar experience to you. Telling solved nothing. Just added to my stress by feeling judged and it definitely changed the dynamics of the relationship, negatively. Nobody close to me is in an appropriate emotional position to support me and I do not want to add to their worries. I am strong enough to shoulder this, with the support of Gamcare counselling, but will need to tighten my barriers. K9 doesn't work on android tablets, so I have discovered. Researching alternatives at present.

I wish you all the best and will be keeping up with your posts. X

hi Annie, you can get an inexpensive gambling site blocker (or try it out for free for 28 days here) : http://www.plevna.f9.co.uk/block-gambling-with-txnogam.htm

It is disgusting that the site you tried to self-exclude you from offered you an incentive to keep gambling with them. They were using you ! abusing you even ! You are better than this, don't let yourself be taken advantage of any more. You can mark gambling site emails as 'spam', don't even open / read them just mark them as spam / delete straight away. Maybe consider setting up a new email address ?

Disclosure can be tricky but it is the way to go.

Obviously some people are not suitable, full stop. Is there trust and does that person have your best interests at heart?

But it's also the manner of disclosure. It's always going to be embarrassing early on disclosing, but you need to go deep and get the emotional side across.

Going deep can reveal the seedier side but with openess comes connection and understanding.

If the recipient doesn't mention it again, bring it up again. Make it clear it's not out of bounds. Sometimes people think we won't want to talk about it. There can be a lot of inaccurate if well intended second guessing.

If that person's no good... try someone else!

Disclosure isn't essential but it's like a fast forward button for your recovery.

Louis

Thank you to everyone for your comments. They all make so much sense. In many ways I don't know who on earth the person is who stays up late gambling so to try and explain it to someone else is overwhelming, and however much you trust people, I don't really believe that I can really trust anyone not to tell anyone else, and for me I would feel that if people knew then it would change my identity to others.

I am very willing to try counselling and have found counseliling helpful before (not gambling related) think for me that this may be the answer. But I will try to come on here everyday. Good luck to everyone else with your journies. I hope wel all break free and enjoy the simple things in life again.

x

I have never been in a Casino, never bet on football or horses, I'm 37. January this year I placed a bet on a UFC fight just thought why not I had a bit cash in the bank it wasn't much maybe £50, anyway didn't win. I wasn't really angry or bothered that I'd list the money but was drunk and it was late and I was just thinking how can I get that money back, ha why did online casino come into my head, I've never gambled in a casino. You know what's coming, blackjack was the game as I knew how to play, was 5k up, my first time playing, couldn't believe it, 2k of my own money so there is 7k in a pending withdrawal, they sure know what they're doing. Next day I'm still in the mindset I won 5k last night I'll just try reverse a little bit and see what happens, just like everyone else lost it all. Since then I've lost all money I had, taken loans, very early on after losing the 7k and some more I told my mam cause I owed a payday loan and was struggling with bills, she bailed me out I paid the loan and promised her I would never do it again, well from then to now every few weeks I'll manage to get hold of a bit money I can be good and withdraw and self exclude if I win straight away but then when I get the withdrawal I end up back on another site, it never ends good anyway. My mam has got cancer I had her credit card cause do her food shopping, 2 weeks ago did the worst and used her card to gamble but I was being sensible and always deposited what I had in winnings, came to 1k and withdrew and self excluded. I got the withdrawal a few days later, all I had to do was go pay her card off, lost it all, every one knows the guilty ashamed feeling and how can I be so stupid, well I did it with my mams money while she is getting chemo, I didn't have the heart t tell her, I had to get the money somehow, somehow managed to get a payday loan £250 won £960 and withdrew. Phew. Yeah got the winnings today, no way I was going to do the same mistake again, it was gone in 10 mins on blackjack. I'm 37 and I rang her crying. I'm going to go to the doctors, eliminate any access to online sites as that is my only issue, give my mam my debit card, I've also told my best friend. Now I know I'm going on but today is the day I admitted to myself I have a problem, a problem I want to fix, which brings me to these forums which I wish I'd known about earlier. Literally every story is identical. I've always had loads of friends, a girlfriend good social life etc. This year I found myself for the first time ever feeling lonely, all my mates have kids etc, I'm almost positive that this problem that we all have is related to a mental issue or an escapism from something something that we aren't happy about in our lives. If I had a girl here the last thing is be thinking about would be playing BJ online, if I'd been to gym or boxing I'd be tired and just go to bed. I'm almost certain that the way to get out of this is honesty, with yourself and friends family, do what you can to prevent gambling for me it will be blocking access to thne sites but most of all I think it's a lifestyle change. Get a hobby, go to gym, go to cinema anything to break the cycle of sitting there by yourself with the thought, cause once u have the thought u know it's going to happen. Don't know if this is of any use to you, you seem very certain you don't really want to tell anyone, I think you will be surprised when u release all the guilt and lies that you tell yourself. I'm so glad I told my mam , I'm going to go stay with her, sad at 37 but I'll be there to help her through the chemo but she's also helping me cause I won't be sat in my flat by myself and get that thought.

Sry for the ridiculous essay, basically my point I'm certain this addiction directly relates to stress/depression or an escape route form something in our life.

Wow- thanks for your comments 38 years and Soutano - what you say makes alot of sense to me. Soutano, hearing how quickly the gambling sucked you in like everyone else on this site is very scary. I'm so glad that you seem to have found the conviction to stop - hopefully realising after 6 months how destructive it is will help you to be free of it forever. One of the self help books I read compared gambling to being a fly in a honey trap and you keep gambling away until you are at the bottom of the trap at which point you are so trapped that there is no escape even if you want to - it was trying to show that gambling is like a prison and that stopping gambling is like becoming free again rather than self denial. You sound incredibly strong and it sound as though you have a very special bond with your mum - I wish you both well on your journies. This is day 2 for me gamble free and I feel positive.

x