Feeling motivated to escape

Well this is the third time she's had to have chemo, spending her money I felt the worst ever, I didn't leave my flat for days, and it took me days and the attempts to win it back like I said, when I lost it again so quick that was it, had to tell her. Seriously the best thing was coming on these sites and reading people's stories, I didn't even realise I had a problem til probably a few weeks ago, now that I have done research about the effects of and the possible reasons why you gamble I had a complete vision of clarity and knew what the problem was, me sitting in my flat feeling lonely getting a git depressed and the gambling was the escape, I didn't play everyday, I didn't think about it all the time, I've never done it before it just all logically made sense that there was an underlying issue, I'm going to stay with my mam for a bit not so much so I don't gamble more so that I'm not sitting in this flat by myself, I need to get back to the gym get fit and healthy again, when ur in shape u look good and feel good, I know totally I just need to go back to the old me, for whatever reason I started to feel lonely, had no motivation to do much classic signs of depression, when I was gambling I was so confused I couldn't believe I was being so stupid it's not me. It's great to see the bigger picture and it's all in our heads. Go out, go for a walk, join a gym, go to cinema, go swimming do anything to change ur life and be out rather than sitting in and letting that thought enter your head. Put it this way I've got £80 in my bank right now, I've had a drink, if this was last week I'd be online playing BJ, hasn't even crossed my mind. I hope other people can realise they really can stop you have to rly, rly want to and be totally honest, tell people, ask for help, it's nothing to be ashamed off, look how many people this has destroyed, I knew nothing about all this and how many people it affects, if everyone found the courage to talk about their problem then general society would know more about it them maybe if more people knew how bad it is people would maybe talk about their problem sooner.

Hi Annie,

Well done for dusting yourself down and getting back on the journey – we all have false starts but the most important thing is to learn from it and try to do something different next time. It can be difficult to open up to people and if you are not ready to share with friends after your experience then that’s ok – I would really then recommend you get counselling. Just having somebody to talk to and listen really helps us understand why we gamble. Like me you used it as a way to escape the anxiousness and pressure of life so using therapy I am starting to understand why I get anxious, how it develops into something much worse and ultimately how I try to find a healthy way of getting myself back on track. It is very hard work but it will be worth it in the end if I can get myself into a position where I can deal with what life throws at me without entertaining the thought of gambling!

Keep posting in your diary and keep reading lots, you pick up great little pieces of advice from the site. Keep going, I wish you all the best!

Annie

You have done the right thing by coming on here because as you can see you have already built up quite a support network for emotional support and practical advice. However you must not forget that to survive this in your daily life means you need to share your secret with others face- to -face in order to create another support network at home. A few people on here have already said that "secrecy" is the worst thing, and it really is, and once your secret is out in the open not only will you feel a great sense of relief, it will also make it more difficult for you to gamble. When someone is gambling more often than not their mood changes i.e. irratable, depressed, not your normal self. Your friends and family may have noticed this in but they do not realise what is the matter because of your fear of confiding in them and they will have been worrying about you. The whole thing is emotionally and physically exhausting for all concerned. This is what happened to us as parents and eventually our gambler hit rock bottom and the secret finally came out. Yes, it was shocking to us but it was the best thing that could have happened because there was now a reason behind some totally irrational behaviour and the stress on both sides started to subside. We took over control of finances for a start and that is a deterrent and then got the professional gambling advice etc. This seems to be working at the moment. More importantly it is important to get back the self esteem which disappears with this awful problem and that means getting your life a littlle more organised. Make a list of what you need to do to carry on with your recovery i.e.

1. talk to a counsellor above and get advice on the self excluding. It is diabolical that you had £10 taken off you leaving you with the incentive. I think you should tell a professional gambling counsellor about that one.

2. Stay on here talking to people in your situation, also writing is a great therapy in itself - when you are doing that you are not gambling!

3. Tell someone close about your problem and ask them to help monitor your finances and help you budget from month to month. This will be hard, emotional and you must give them a little time to absorb the information but it really is worth a try. If you have debts the banks, citizens advice and government approved debt advice people can be very helpful even if you are honest about your problem.

4. Keep a diary in order to tick off the days you have not been gambling.

5. Think of nice things you could be doing with money saved from not gambling - and ways of keeping busy and activities where you can be out and about meeting new people.

As I have said many times on here before - I hate the thought of another family being affected by this and hope some of the advice/support/tips I am giving might help people on here and hopefully we will end up with a few more happy families and relationships!!

Good luck.

Keep going Annie and don't worry about the slip...

In terms of something short and snappy relating to roulette... How about -

Remember how the wheel makes you feel?

Keep sharing Annie. Even if you don't feel strong enough to tell your loved ones. You will one day. Sharing on here helps so much. One day at a time.

Your story is like many ,mine also, I used to be great with money and had savings now I am £16,000 in debt,we lie keep secrets from our shameful behaviour I have lied to borrow money only to start afresh and fail again slipping into more debt I have had massive wins only to give it all back.i once owned a house I now rent and own nothing I have several payday loans and credit cards and I tell my husband nothing I feel terrible guilt when I look at my kids but no more we have the power to change I will be paying off my debt for years I can't bring back the lost money but I can look forward to the future and making changes u can too I believe in you x

Wow, thank you all so much for your amazingly supportive posts. I have not been on here for a week or so but my partner is out tonight so I thought I could really think about and read about on here the positives of not gambling. I had no idea that there would be so many posts and also so much support. Thank you so much. I have reached day 13 and for some reason I have been really grumpy and snappy today which generally is not like me but prviously I think this would have resulted in me thinking 'just have a few spins to cheer yourself up' but not tonight. Thank you all so much. I wish you and your families all the best on this road. I have actually started reading books again, which I hadn't for about 6 years since kids were born, and I have also found that a great way to become absorbed in something positive that involves escapism. You have all continued to give such great advice and without doubt if that urge to mindlessly sign up to another site comes I will defintely come on here again and gain strength and wisdom. Thank you and good luck xx

Now on 21 days! Have had moments when I have really been aware that could have fallen back into the trap but have stayed out and feeling relieved! Good luck everyone!

3 weeks, that's brilliant. Keep up the good work. You are doing better than me but today I am feeling more hopeful that I can beat this. Hopefully this feeling will last. X

Made it to 41 days then have just lost £140. Very cross with myself. Gambled again as was feeling cross about other stuff and had a few hours to myself without the family!! Arghhhh. Start again tomorrow!! xx

Hi

I hope you can say more about what door was open to you and how you can step up the effective blocks now.

I do worry about you because I feel you are holding something back. I have always sensed throughout your posts that you cant really tell anyone close and can handle it with minimum help. Am I wrong there?

Its a deadly addiction and you must be open and honest with everybody close to you as well as the forum.

Its an addiction you must treat with the fear and respect it deserves. I just feel you think you can casually do it with a bit of willpower.

It takes far more than that and you must take the fight on. Relapses are almost certain if you have an option to gamble. You should at this stage be blocked everywhere and find it difficult to gamble at all. If your gadgets are wide open they are in your home and temptation is right there

Its got to be impossible to reach for gadgets or get in anywhere where you still feel welcome. You cant leave the gambling door open because its too easy to have a relapse

I cant stress enough that if you have no outlet to gamble, you will go off and do productive things and feel better about it.

Stress and the sham drudgery of life does lead to urges but they are harmful urges that will destroy you.

You will rack up the days when you cant gamble...the point is that you will feel twinges but you will learn to counter them in seconds because you wont be able to gamble. Over time you will think about it less and get stronger.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I too am on Day 41 but don't want to gamble anymore, I have lost soo much (Not just money) this is the first month I have been GF,I have been on holiday, bought loads of great stuff,paid ALL my bills and still have money left...by now I would have been skint...anyway hope you get back on track and get passed day 41 next time with flying colours.

Thank you both.....just wrote a long entry and moved off page without posting....but feel positive - realise I need to make the changes. Am feeling much better from greatly reducing gambling last few months. Good Luck all and thank you for advice. I plan to try and post every couple of days. Best of luck on journeys everyone. xx

Going to set myself the 101 day challenge which will ake me into November. I can do this.

Come on Annie2016, you can do this! Get things in place, one day at a time x