Finally admit it

Hi Glyn, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here,

Stupidity doesn't enter the equation my friend - you didn't know that the first bet you ever had would lead you towards experiencing the things you have.

The stupidity and time for self-recrimination comes later on, if you truly don't give everything you have towards giving up for good.

It does take its toll physically, I gambled for twenty years before I stopped over five years ago. Sleep, diet, stress, worry all play their part and you never really know what kind of mess you are going to wake up to each day.

You have done superbly well to hand over control of your finances and install betfilter, some people never reach that stage so very well done for that. It is important to remember that these are only preventative methods; some people do this, breathe a sigh of relief and believe they are cured - you haven't changed as a person my friend, only your circumstances have so you still need to spend some time on yourself, working out a positive way forward where you can tackle your urges to the point where they are virtually non-existent.

When I stopped, I found that there were several gaps that I needed to plug in my life. Now I do charity work, write, sing, go hiking, travel and so much more. There will undoubtedly be similar ones for you my friend - push yourself into finding things that will make you complete again.

Very well done though Glyn, I greatly respect what you have done to tackle the problem so far. What I would ensure to do is be completely honest with your wife, even if you are having the very worst of worst days - her trust in you has understandably taken a knock, so do everything in your power to restore it as best you can. She would always rather know the worst of how you are feeling, than nothing at all.

JamesP

Thanks James ...Yes you are right I have kind of explained things to my wife but if im being honest I haven't really given her the total monetary damage over the years. I have admitted that its a problem that is out of control and that I am doing this to prevent a complete loss of everything we have. She hasn't asked maybe because she knows or doesn't wish to know ? I am fortunate to have a good business which I can focus on to get back on track financially if my accounts are restricted, in fact without the mental distraction of all the daily gambling which I can do whilst running my own business I can really throw my dedication into making money rather than throwing it down the pan !!

There was a guy on the BBC breakfast show just last week who seemed to have this amazing lifestyle and he lost everything wife kids family homes etc and that has really hit home with me. I should have a good lifestyle but its being squandered away through this addiction ....I cant remember what his name was but he was very inspirational ?

my next step is to get myself along to a meeting to openly discuss things in more detail in terms of the journey....you seem like a very wise and genuine person I appreciate your comments and likewise the comments you have given others.

You're very welcome Glyn, no trouble at all. I wish I was wise and genuine in another subject but these are the hands I have been dealt, so I try to make the best of them.

I saw that gentleman too. Felt very sorry for him - I have been a part of this Forum for six years now and have seen a huge amount of stories, some of which makes him seem very tame in comparison. You can always fall further, you really can.

Great idea to get to a meeting. It is very liberating to speak about what you are experiencing and see the faces from people who understand and appreciate what you are going through. It is also reassuring that most are decent, honest, hardworking people who, just like the rest of us, have discovered something in their life that they cannot control and want to learn how to cope with it.

Well done again for continuing to maintain this positive, proactive attitude. It may not always be that way in the coming weeks but ride the storm my friend, because you will likely feel better the following day.

JamesP

day 3 and feeling great , the online blocking software works a treat not that ive been tempted to bet but I have just tried it out to see if it works and I honestly think this is a major step. I have never been into going into the bookies my major weakness is online gambling which I have realised detaches you from the physical connection to the cash and also is just so easy to access in the evenings or more recently whilst im working....I know its a small step but even if I get an urge this restriction will prevent any damage. I understand I need to explore the psychological aspects behind why all this has happened but as a crude prevention method its working....but I can honestly say im not going through any kind of withdrawels...will post here daily as a kind of mini diary....best of luck everyone. ps - great to wake up today knowing I have the same cash in my account as the day before and no feelings of guilt which constantly lingered in the back of my psyche.

Day 6 now with no bets placed and no urge to bet....I went to the great north run at the wkend and enjoyed the experience doing something much more constructive with my time...James P is correct I have always enjoyed running but I tend to fall off the wagon and invariably I used to miss training when I had bets on...I was never someone that could place a bet and just check in for the final result. I would literally sit and watch every second of the game on the betting site so could never focus on anything else whilst that was running.....if I focused more on training I would not only be fitter and achieve much more rewarding things in life but id also be financially richer ....I can only see win win from this. good luck to al you guys attempting to break this

now 1 wk in and no lapses...im going to my first GA meeting tonight so will report back !

well first GA mtg out of the way last night and had a really good 1 to 1 with one of the support guys....whilst ive made a start by telling my wife im going to GA and installing online block software I was encouraged to go home and tell my wife in detail the extent of the financial losses incurred over the years and also give up more control of my bank accounts than I initially though necessary....needless to say I was frightened of telling her i'd blown around £100k of what should be our savings. I was blown away just how well she responded and we are now planning on her taking control of my personal and business accounts and living off an allowance ( cash only !! ). I have also changed the password on the betfilter so I cant possibly uninstall.

despite the large amount of lossess my only physical debt is 1 cred card which is maxed and by living off an allowance that would be clear within 1 year and we can also enjoy having some actual disposable cash to enjoy ourselves a little more.

im still very positive about the future ...despite very little feedback I will continue to post here.

to anyone reading this there is light at the end of the tunnel, I know im just entering the tunnel but take care

Really well done, Glyn, you've done so much to take control of your life and take those first steps toward a happier, calmer future.

Don't worry too much about not getting much feedback here - I'm sure a lot of people read and feel for you and wish you well but don't actually type a response. You might get more feedback if you start a diary in the Recovery Diaries section. But then again you might not 🙂 just try to be proud that you're doing this for yourself - being "your own best friend" as it were.

Anyway well done again.

FF

thanks Feetforward - yes it wasn't a dig , just something I noticed. I think there are a lot of people that must just read but not respond especially if they are in that denial stage or curious ( I did it a lot in the past when in down periods but never committed )....im doing it to just air my thoughts and hopefully a few peeps can relate to it.

I wish you all the best

Superb work mgmvegas, very well done my friend - you should be proud of yourself for the work you have put in, and the steps you have taken.

You may just have entered the tunnel but these are the most difficult days my friend and you are doing all the right things. There will be days that you are less positive but that's ok, the following day is likely to be a lot brighter.

If you want regular feedback, it is best to start a recovery diary on that part of the Forum; you can track your own progress and people will respond to you throughout your recovery. Take care my friend, I look forward to keeping track of how you are getting on.

JamesP

Hi Mgmvegas, I hope you are doing well today. Despite a lack if response I'm sure many people like myself are reading and wishing you the best. Myself, many others and yourself are all on a journey and reading your diary is great for me...the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been bet free now for around 3 weeks and rarely have urges. If I do, I have got them and have yet to come even close to relapsing. I am free from my demons FOR NOW but I must concentrate and continue the journey. Hope everything continues well for you

Mgmvegas you have done really well mate, it is brillaint to hear. JamesP is right about the recovery diaries, there is a lot more postings on there. I cannot really add any more to the advice that you have been given, all I would say is recognize and understand that there may be a few clouds on the horizon but they clear pretty quickly.

wow thanks guys for the comments its really appreciated...best of luck

Well done , you are doing well , I am nearly a week gamble free , we can do this