Finally admitting to others that I have a problem

Hi Paulitfc, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here,

I'm so sorry for what you have experienced with your Father - my heart goes out to you my friend.

When we experience loss, or go through a bad patch, there is a tendancy to want to drive ourselves down further. You feel bad enough as it is, so why not through everything away? That is understandable.

But it is not always going to be that way - coping with your loss will get easier in time, even though it has been five years already. If you carry on, what state is your life going to be in when you do start to feel better?

I have stopped for five years now after gambling for over twenty; in the first year of stopping, I suffered great personal loss too - I couldn't quite believe how badly the cards had fallen for me when I was trying so hard to change my life. But I knew it wouldn't always be that way as I said above, I knew that, no matter how bad things were, gambling would only drag me down deeper, win or lose.

Those demons aren't there all the time - what you have to do is set yourself a routine to work your way through them - they are only temporary, they soon pass; they only become a problem if you act on them. And what if you do? What if you win? The relief and joy is only temporary too - it doesn't solve your personal or financial problems; all it will do is make you want more of the same, until you do lose, then you have even more problems to add to the ones you have already.

Try and use the pain you are feeling to inspire you; why not think about turning that negativity to positivity? Your Father was a very positive influence on your life - why not do something in his memory? Why not train to run the marathon or get people to sponsor you to do something in his memory, giving the money to a cancer charity?

Everyone needs an outlet for grief my friend - few could blame you for taking it as hard as you have and doing the things you have done. But now is the time to draw a line under it - there are a lot of open doors at your age; let that hurt drive you to be more and achieve more than you have ever done before. Forget about what you have lost, forget about what has happened - there is nothing you can do to get it back, but you can use that experience to stop you turning this into something that blights your entire life.

You have made a positive start by posting here my friend, sincerely well done for that. Now you have to stop burying your head in the sand and make some positive, fulfilling plans for your future - share them with your partner, work as a team to not only come through this, but to create a better life and relationship for you both.

JamesP

Hi Paul and welcome to our Forum,

It sounds like you have been going through a really difficult time with the passing of your father who you describe lovingly as your best friend, very sad news, and also with your gambling.

You acknowledge that you indeed have a gambling addiction which you have been battling for the past few years - trying to manage your urges on your own and now realise that you need some support, well done Paul for taking the first and most challenging step. It is also great that you are able to make the connection between the death of your father, your inability to express your feelings and what gambling provides you with.

I can hear that your gambling has had a negative impact on your relationship and is something you are struggling to come to terms with. It sounds like you feel guilt and shame in hurting your partner and also feel frustrated with yourself. Perhaps trying to communicate with your partner your feelings around your gambling is something you may want to consider.

It’s great that you have found us, I would encourage you to have a look around, there are many people in similar situations to yourself, and you will find that the Forum is supportive and encouraging. Feel free to get in touch with us on our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or alternatively come through on a netline call to speak with an adviser.

All the best Paul,

Saffron.

Hi Paul,

I hope you have been feeling better over the last few days since your original post. I, like most people here have ruined big chunks of my life due to my gambling. That is all behind me now and as I write this I have never been happier or more content in my life (even though I still owe a shed load of money). Perhaps my thoughts might be useful.

Now I don't see my gambling as an addiction. I see it as a form of escapism, a place we can go where we don't have to deal with reality. It is this escapism that was my addiction. For me, I spent 10 years of my life smoking joints before stopping and replacing it with a new friend - gambling. I was escaping from some part of myself that I didn't like. I only found this out through my counselling sessions (paid for by Gamcare). Perhaps you are using it to escape from your tragic loss. Perhaps you need to address the loss of your dad (and best mate). It may be that if you do stop gambling you might replace it with something else. We are so self-destructive.

The staff at Gamcare are great and can put you in touch with an expert counsellor. I'm not someone who shares my feelings and I found it very difficult to open up to the counsellor. Now I look forward to my visits and I now understand why I was looking for that special place to escape to.

Whatever you decide to do, best of luck Paul, you are not alone!!