Hey all.
Yesterday I bet for the last time and am now hopefully on the road to recovery. I have been betting via my phone on almost any sport for 2 years in December. I initially had fun and success but quickly lost control and ran up a 12k credit card debt. I took a loan to clear the card but didn't stop. Eventually by end of Feb 2015 I was £30k in debt. I spoke to my brother then and he gave me a small loan and had me close all bet accounts and provide evidence etc. I lied to him ultimately and though I needed to fix the problem by gambling again on a new betting app. Things continued to spiral, and in personal life, my father in law became ill suddenly in May and sadly passed away in December. I wanted to confess to my wife about my problems and the debt, but was shackled by the guilt and not wanting to hurt her more at what was a horrendous time. I just wasn't brave enough. So instead I pressed on and now was spending her inheritance from her grandparents. My goal was just to get back to an even keel so I could stop but as of yesterday I have run up a total of £110k debt. £13k loaned by family, £64k of my wife's inheritance, and £35k on cards and loan. To compound the problem we were due to extend our house ahead of trying for another baby (I have a 2yo son). We dug up our patio and ruined our garden. Work was due to start Monday next week and I have lost it all. I spoke to some family members and friends over the period, but importantly not my wife. That was the biggest mistake in terms of getting help. I was scared to tell her, given what I had taken, all her heartache over her dad, and the fact I was supposed to look after her and had this deception going on all the time, despite still offering my love and support. So that is pretty much my story. The last 24 hours have been tough but I am in a much better place. My wife and her family have been so supportive but are really struggling to understand. They are torn apart and we are still not sure what the future holds. I still keep hurting my wife today, as wasn't able to tell her everything in one sitting about my family lending money, and also talking to other people. Aside from losing all the money, she is really hurt I couldn't talk to her' and angry that others who knew didn't intervene. I lied to everyone though, so they thought I was sorted. Enormous regrets are - not being brave enough to speak to my wife sooner. She could have helped me. Obviously the lost money is another one. So what am I doing about it? My wife's family have paid off the cards and loans. Which is an amazing gesture I can't quite comprehend. I have handed over all financial control to my wife. Closed all betting accounts and she has locked my phone from using the Internet and downloading new apps etc. I have appointments with counsellors booked and will hit my first GA meeting next week too. I guess at this stage I am a bit all over the place. I don't have any excuses or explanations to,justify my actions. I am hoping the counselling will help me understand my drivers for this addiction. I don't want to keep apologising and wallowing as I don't want to be the victim here , although i know I need help. I want to support my wife but I have done this to her. I dont want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I don't have a valid opinion on things because I have done this, she needs her husband to be strong and supportive for her. We are a team and she doesn't want to look after me like another child, she needs me to be her equal and support her - does that make sense? I guess I am just mixed up right now as the only thing I have ever had to offer is genuine love, heart, strength, patience, trust and support. Non tangibles all of them but absolutely what she loves me for. Now I have undermined all of that. It is clearly an illness but not an excuse. I hope and believe I can still give her all of those things but I need to trust over time that she is trusting me and get over myself. Probably lots more to say but that is me for now. Welcome thoughts and direction.
Hi Hogwonk
Welcome aboard. You have taken a huge step confessing and admitting you have a problem. Don't get too hung up on the money, it's gone. We all have debts to deal with. You have been very fortunate to have a family willing to help out financially, do not abuse this trust a second time.
Start a diary, keep coming back and write down your emotions and struggles, it can be quite therapeutic. Read other peoples stories and gain confidence from their ability to beat this addiction.
Live is going to be a little strange for the next few months while everyone adjusts.
Take one day at a time, I know everyone says it - but it works, remind yourself in the morning that you will not gamble today.
Good luck and keep us updated as to your progress
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
