Hi All
First time poster, I have spent years of losing a fortune on bookies roulette machines, due to the massive losses, I have lied, cheated and hidden my debts from my wife, I have done all the usual crazy things, multiple credit cards, losing all my wages and spending money which was meant to pay bills. I do not even want to mention how much I have lost as it has gone now and I cannot change it.
On 28-12-2017 my wife found a debit card receipt I had dropped on the kitchen floor, after losing yet again that afternoon. Even then, I still lied over and over to her after being found out. I was in denial, telling her she was wrong. Anyway, she threw me out of our home immediately and told me she wanted a divorce. My wife had discovered my gambling habit previously but I promised it would never happen again. I meant it too, but I now know willpower alone is not enough for me.
The following day I decided to look on the GamCare website and started my research, I did the online assessment and it proved what I already knew, I am a compulsive gambler. The site and the forum has been really insightful. I finally realised honesty was the best policy for me. I spent my New years eve telling my wife I am a gambling addict who cannot be trusted due to this evil, destructive illness. I thought she would hate me forever but I knew she deserved the truth at the very least. To my amazement my wife has decided to stand by me and has been so understanding.
She is now in total control of the finances, cards, bank account and all my post. We are also following all the other advice on the site, We would welcome any other advice that can help my recovery.
Finally, it needs to be said that this problem has made me feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. It makes me lie, cheat and be secretive and deceitful. I have felt that there was simply no way out of this nightmare.
It is early days for me but by admitting I have a problem and want to stop is a huge step forward, I am going to beat it and I have the support of my wonderful wife, who thankfully is no pushover and will be tough when necessary. She deserves better than I have given her so far. Thanks
Hi green flash ! I'm wife of cg. Any advice? Tell your wife to learn as much about this addiction as she can. Never let her guard down. Never let loose the reins. Never give ultimatums and then go back on them. Tough love. I would suggest you both find a meeting GA and gamanon. Don't think you're fixed, there is no cure. Willpower will not get you through. Get support, not just for you.
Best thing you could have done mate, be honest and open with her, I also gave my wife the opportunity to ask any questions she wanted, my biggest lost, longest time spent in a bookies then...any questions she wanted, then drew a line under it. Iv also been to a couple of GA meetings now, there really therapeutic, it’s really good to get things off of your chest.
Good luck mate
Hi
Like you i was a FOBT gambler although it was mainly slots. I also gave up access to finances.
However i gave up finances for in excess of 9 months and never at any stage asked for my cards. If money was given i provided receipts to the penny. You should actively seek out counselling (gamcare can provide), self exclusion from bookies and attendance at GA.
Willpower alone or giving up cash for a bit will only break the cycle on a temporary basis. If you are serious you must look at why you gamble.
Like me you are an addict and like me you are one bet from disaster.
You wife has given you a second chance. When i was given mine i took it with both hands
Best wishes
Get to your local GA meeting, the 12 step program will help show you that you can overcome this one day at a time. It also shows us the reality that we are compulsive gamblers for life, I have a found it life changing and cannot reccomend it enough. Its not an instant fix but if you make it part of your life it will become a massive part of your recovery
Hi guys
Thanks for your firm but fair replies, just the kind of thing I was hoping for. I now accept that I have a problem for life and must always be vigilant. I agree with the comments that I am not fixed and there is no cure. Maybe management of the problem is the best it can be. I'm also starting the gamcare counselling.
My wife has given me a second chance and i am extremely fortunate, she really is so tough and determined that she will never give me money or access to any cards. It has been agreed she will allow me money for petrol and other necessities but I must provide receipts and be accountable for anything I spend. We now have access to a credit file so she can check I am not attempting to get credit behind her back. I want my wife to get as much help and info as possible as she is a victim of all this too. Obviously these are early days and I'm so determined to succeed but I do worry about relapsing as I have read other peoples stories and my heart goes out to them. Thanks all for taking the time to reply to my message, I am truly grateful.
Sorry I forgot to ask, what are the differences in the gamcare online counselling compared to gamblers GA counselling.
Thanks
She needs access to credit files from all three agencies and she needs to access them regularly. They are all now available free via Noddle (Callcredit), Clearscore (Equifax) and Experian through MSE's credit club. I pay for alerts on Noddle which will email me if anything changes on Mr L's credit report in-between the monthly updates. He also has notices of correction lodged with each agency stating that he does not wish to be offered or extended credit even if he applies for it and/or appears to qualify.
Your wife's going to be reeling at the moment but there may well be moments of anger to come. My advice would be to take those on the chin and not try to justify yourself in any way.
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