First day here

Hello Shaunpb1982

Welcome to the Forum and well done for reaching out.  You have taken such a positive step and I am sure you will get a lot of identification and support here.  Problem gambling is cunning powerful and baffling and without help it is too much.

Along with this forum we have Advisers available  24/7 to help you through this early stage of Recovery. You can contact them by calling our Helpline on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way to overcome the gambling issues you are currently dealing with.  

You have taken the courage to address your problem gambling and a part of recovery is being kind to yourself.  You are no longer alone and will move forward in your life - one day at a time.

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

Hi Amanda, thank you for your kind message.

I have already found this forum to be such a useful source of information, support and inspiration. After reading the journals on here this afternoon and joining the live chat for an hour in the evening I have now closed down all but one of my gambling accounts.

With the final account I have put in place a £10 daily deposit limit which I will only use on a Saturday to place a small weekly 3pm football bet. I have opened up to my closest cousin about my problems with gambling and made a commitment to myself and also to him that this will be my only bet of the week, which I will prove to him by sending him a screenshot of my account betting history (on a daily at first and then a weekly basis in time). He is a very no nonsense kind of person and is the perfect man for the job.

I know this may sound risky to some people but placing this small weekly bet and sharing banter about it with my cousin was always one of the highlights of my week and I would miss it too much to abstain from it permanently. I have spoken to my cousin at length about this issue and I am confident something inside me has changed these last few days, particularly with the information I have read today. I know I will keep to my commitment of this one small bet on a Saturday. I also feel extra security and less anxious knowing that my cousin is fully aware of my gambling problem and will never allow me to break my commitment or slip back into my old ways.

I am about to go to bed now feeling hope for the first time in a long time, it makes such a nice change from regret and despair.

Thank you once again 🙂

Hi shaun, admitting that gambling has you beat is very hard. I don't think you are quite there yet, I'm 9months gamble free and I know a £10 bet for me would no doubt escalate. I know it's just my opinion and I really wish you all the best, but I'm doubtful that you will find anyone that will agree with you that it's a good idea. Reading your initial post gambling has had a severe effect on your life, is it worth even having a small bet ?? Look forward to seeing how things pan out for you. Best wishes

Hi Charlie, thank you for your reply. I understand exactly what you are saying and really appreciate your advice.

I'm also due to call my cousin again later tonight so will discuss it some more with him. One thing he suggested yesterday was for me to put all the blocks in place that would prevent me from gambling but he will place my Saturday 3pm bet on my behalf so I can still join in with the family banter but avoid the temptation that having my own account may bring.

Hi Shaun, well done for taking this positive step of posting here.

You are 38, you have a great deal of time on your side to move forward and put this behind you.

Ask yourself how you will feel at 48, with ten more years and more destruction/debt behind you? How much will regret will you be able to live with if this keeps carrying on?

The size of the bets never matter, even playing pennies in a penny arcade is too much for you. Not because of the amount, because of where it will lead to. Gambling in any capacity is poison to you, it is something your mind cannot process in the same that other people do; accept it, live with it and plan a different way forward my friend.

The best way to handle the temptations is "ride the storm"; those urges won't always be there and, the more you work towards keeping your mind/bopy healthy and your time occupied constructively, those urges will lessen. That doesn't come quickly or easily, so the best thing is to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if needs be.

Shaun, you seem like a decent, caring person. You can put this right; alter your mindset; I learnt to fear winning more than losing because all winning would do is make me want to gamble more than ever at higher stakes, leading to losing and borrowing money I didn't have. At least with losing, you might stop at some point but winning will always just give you "stake", invisible money that you can never spend on anything other than gambling that leads to losing.

You are better than this. Explore other options to fill your time, ask yourself what you want to do with your life when your debts are cleared and you have free time. Think positively and "ride the storm" as I said if the urges occur.

Thanks Ryan, you have raised an excellent point regarding the fear of winning. If I did win I would certainly leave at least part of my winnings as "stake" money for further bets, you and Charlie are both right this is a very dangerous road for me.

I think closing every potential gambling avenue is the only option for me. The risks of me continuing to have only one bet a week far outweigh any benefits, if in fact there really are any true benefits at all.

It has now been over 3 days since I last gambled so I am not turning back now and am going to remain fully committed to this bet free and in time debt free path. 

Thank you so much for your advice 🙂

Well it's only my second day on here but I have now completed day 4 of my gamble free life.

I just wanted to thank everyone on this site for the all journals/ diaries you write, the great advice on the numerous user topics, the fantastic advice on my thread here and the live chat conversations.

There's no doubt in my mind that had it not been for this site and the lovely people on here that I would have bet on both last night's and tonight's football matches. You have all helped to point me in the right direction and to change my mindset towards gambling completely.

I now realise that the word "gambling" never ever existed for me as "gambling" implied that I had a chance of winning. If the last 20 years should have taught me anything it is that 1) when my bet loses, I lose and 2) when my bet wins, it just provides more stake money for me to lose eventually.

I feel so happy to have finally realised that I am incapable of ever "winning" from gambling and feel at last I have control of my life again.

It's still only day 4 and I know this road will have a few bumps and scary turns along the way but at least now I have finally found the right direction to head in.

Thanks once again everyone 🙂

Alright Shaun, this is a tricky one and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. 

You have come to the forum to say that gambling has taken away your twenties and your thirties. That you feel ashamed and alone about what you have done. But in the very next post you say that you want to bet £10 a week, £40 a month, £520 a year. You said yourself that you gambled £1,000 only this Saturday, which is double what you intend to gamble in an entire year. You have asked for advice on how to overcome these temptations, but have already fallen at the first hurdle by saying you are going to gamble each week.

If you are able to stick to £10 a week then I take my hat off to you. But what happens when somebody scores a penalty in the last 5 minutes again? You say that you have one final account, which leads me to believe that you haven’t signed up to Gamstop. With a daily limit of £10, why not a weekly limit of £10? So if the Saturday bet loses, what’s to say you won’t put another £10 bet on Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday, considering the fact that football is on every single day. If you haven’t signed up to Gamstop, what’s to say you won’t reverse any self-exclusions from any previous accounts? What’s to say that you won’t bet in a bookies, or on scratch cards, or the lottery. 

You have also mentioned that if it wasn’t for the forum, you would have gambled on last nights and tonight’s football. What’s to stop you doing that in a week, a month, or two months time? When the shame of losing a £1,000 has been forgotten. You’ve left yourself too many avenues to be able to bet, and it will be hard for you to break this addiction unless you actually try to tackle it properly. This addiction has been twenty years in the making. You think that a £10 bet at the weekend is a bit of banter with your cousin, but is it really? When you have to send screen shots of your betting history etc, it’s all fun and games until you’re £33k in the hole. 

Honestly, just give this gambling thing a rest. You say that you have control over your life again, after 4 days of admitting that you have a problem. Do yourself a favour and sign up to GamStop for the maximum amount of years (5). Stop gambling, cut off any avenue of being able to gamble. Pay off your debts and enjoy your 40s gamble free. Gambling has only ever brought you shame and heartache. Nip it in the bud now before it ruins anymore of your life.

Hi Jez, thanks for your reply.

After reading some more journals on here yesterday and previous comments on this thread from Charlie and Ryan I reversed my decision to place one bet a week. I have decided that even one bet is too much of a risk.

Everything you have said in your reply is spot on and with the help of this forum yesterday I reached the same conclusion.

I have now closed all my online betting accounts and also emailed my bank today to ask them if they can put a block on any gambling transactions.

Thanks once again for all your great advice 🙂

Hi Shaun!

well done mate. 

i reckon we’re exactly the same when it comes to betting and in particular football bets. I would go up to £400 on a team to win sometimes! And if it did, great ! More money to Gamble. And then when it loses. Boy did that hurt. So I repeat the same old process. 

then I would give it a rest and just stick to a £20 bet on a Saturday - as Saturdays without a bet just seemed unimaginable. I could stick to that maybe 2 months max before eventually betting big again and the spiral continues. 

I’ve done a month gamble free. The best decision was using Gamstop. If only I did this earlier in my life. 

and Saturdays without a bet so far ? Not as bad as I thought. I still find it just as interesting and it’s nice I don’t feel so committed about HAVING to watch soccer Saturday and the results. I can spend more time with my family and not have to be anxious and all over the place. 

ive found peace. I hope you do too. Gambling is not worth wasting more of our lives. 

Hi Mark,

Yes, you are right we are exactly the same. I could behave a lot of weekends but it was always just a matter of time before my next big blow out.

The only way forward for me was to remove the temptation completely and cut off every potential avenue for me to place a bet.

I won't lie I am worried about how my first Saturday without a football bet will feel but am very reassured that you didn't find it as bad as you feared.

To be on the safe side though I phoned my parents tonight and asked if I could go round to their house on Saturday for my tea and stay the night too. I am in their bubble as I live alone and they said it was no problem. My parents don't know about my gambling problem but being around them will be good fun and a lot more beneficial than sitting in my flat alone.

I think there is a long way to go before I can find peace but at least I have now started the journey and am nearly 5 days down the road. I do however feel happier and less anxious than I did at the start of the week as I feel more in control of my finances now that gambling is no longer an option to me.

Thanks for your reply as I find it really comforting to know the massive and positive difference that not gambling has made to your life, especially as our gambling habits seem so similar. Well done!! 🙂

nice one Shaun

i recommended giving Allen Carr quit gambling book. i've just finished it, really good.

Alright Shaun,

That’s quality and the best decision you could have made. For peace of mind, I as others have also suggested, would sign up to GamStop for 5 years, as it will be extremely beneficial. I guess it’s a psychological thing but knowing I can’t sign up to other websites, means that I don’t try to. Which in itself is quite calming in a way, it means I don’t have to think about trying to find ways to gamble and that is just the way it is now. I can’t gamble, so there’s is literally no point in thinking about it.

Mark offers a great insight about trying to have a weekly bet and the problems it ends up causing and I’m glad you have listened. Keep that tenner in your pocket and use it for something more worthwhile. It will be difficult for the first few weeks that you are not having a weekly bet, but hopefully your mind changes and just accepts that is the way it is now. That gambling doesn’t bring out the best in you, that you can lose a hell of a lot of money and it just isn’t worth it. I hope you can stick to it and not have to live that life again, where you are taking out loans, getting into debt, constantly feeling anxious and so forth. That sacrificing your weekly bet allows for a safer future and a more peaceful and happier you.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and try to put all of the losses, wasted time and so on, behind you. Start again as a new Shaun, a Shaun who doesn’t gamble, who doesn’t let gambling ruin your life, put you in debt, makes you unwell and so on. Be the man that has an addiction, but fights it, who is making a better life for yourself. There is no shame in admitting that you have a problem, you will gain a lot of respect by showing that you are doing your best to beat it.

Hi Mark and Jez,

I do already feel so much better knowing that I have made the right choice to eliminate gambling from my life completely. In hindsight I think even when I suggested keeping my once a week Saturday bet going I knew deep down it was a terrible idea. Thank you once again for your advice which helped me to decide to close all my accounts and block gambling transactions with my bank. I am not made for gambling, I cannot control it and have proven that time and time again, it's time for a clean break this time.

As suggested above I have also ordered a copy of the Allen Carr book which not only will give me great information but will also help fill some of the time left by not gambling anymore, especially evenings when I usually get bored and my mind starts to wander dangerously.

I haven't signed up for Gamstop yet but there are so many people on here that swear by it so I would be a fool not to sign up for the maximum 5 year period. I will get this sorted over the weekend.

Take care both of you, thank you so much for the great advice/ support and best of luck with your own personal journeys on this site. If I can ever be of any help to either of you just get in touch as we are all in this together 🙂