Morning everyone,
I’m a 41 year old woman, married with 1 grown up daughter  from a previous relationship.
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Today I joined GamCare and this is my story of how I got here. About 15 years ago, I got a really good job and as a single parent I found myself in a position I’d never been in before... having spare cash with a lot of free time on my hands. That’s where it started, on a bingo website - only playing small amounts of money, that I could afford to lose. I had control..  or so I thought. Anyway, one day I got bored of the bingo so tried their online scratch cards... a won the jackpot and that was it, I was hooked. For me I think the problem started when I won that big amount, easy money, surely it could happen again right? Well for the last 15 years I’ve been juggling a gambling addiction with my everyday life. How it’s not got worse than it is I’ll never know. Reading other people’s posts I can see I’m not alone with gambling my wages (not my bill money but anything that was ‘spare’) - always being skint. It seems the more money I have the worse it gets.
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I am lucky, I have a good job and a decent life and I just don’t understand why I do it to myself? Yesterday was payday, the first thing I did was pick up my phone and start playing slots online, I gambled away so much money  I started to panic, how I was going to get through to next payday having to lie about where my money had gone. Then 10 mins before my husband got home from work I ‘won’ everything back pretty much that I’d lost. I was so relieved.....................so why on earth when my husband fell asleep in front of the TV last night did I pick my phone up and gamble half of it away again? I only managed half as one of the sites I gambled on takes a few days to refund... thank goodness!! It’s greed... the win wasn’t enough, I wanted/needed to be ‘up’ , so so stupid!
So this morning I have woken up, feeling low and stupid and physically hitting myself in the head I’m so stupid. I know my situation isn’t as bad as a lot of people but I’m fed up of never having any money and working so hard to fund this stupid lifestyle, gambling and winning it back, gambling and winning it back.
Today i’m meant to be taking the cat to the vets but I don’t have the money in my account to pay for it so I’m going to have to come up with a lie about why we didn’t go. I can’t tell my husband at the minute because literally tonight we are moving to stay with my in-laws as one of them is having major surgery in the coming days and we’re caring for them, we’ll be there until after Christmas, it’s going to be tough as it is without my issues on top.
 I’ve decided to try and help myself, I’ve self excluded for 5 years from all the sites I use and also done GAMSTOP. The weird thing is, my husband and I always have a very small football bet every weekend - it never bothers me, I don’t have the urge to compulsive sports bet, mine is online slots/online bingo/online scratch cards. Whenever I get free time that’s what I’ll be doing-gambling! The worse thing is, my 23 year old daughter seems to like these sites too now and I suspect she’s developing an issue too, I feel like it’s all my fault!!
I’m still laying in bed trying to talk myself into getting up. I’m just so humiliated by my own actions.
Gambling is awful, it’s when you have that first win and you think ‘easy money’ ............wish I’d never started - I know now this is something I’m going be dealing with forever, I just want to be ‘normal’ again!!
thanks for reading x
Hi and thanks for your post! I’m also new, as I joined today. I also struggle with slots and nothing else - and I can relate to the feelings you have. Let’s make it our day one for a new life - it will be a long run but we can do it 🙂 I have a post here too just next to yours, feel free to read it if you’d like.Â
best of luck to you!Â
Hi Millymoo,
Your story is very similar to mine (won a massive jackpot etc). So many people on this site will be able to relate to your comments.
Good move signing up with Gamstop. I appreciate you cannot tell your husband right now but I think you’ll have to eventually if you really want to stop for good. This addiction thrives off of secrecy. You will need support. My partner helped me by controlling my money for 6 months at least. I didn’t go without money but it needed to happen.
I’m 9 ½ months GF and can safely say life is so much better without the stress of gambling on my shoulders. You can get there too ?
All the best.
Hi... I am also addicted to the slots and I have been for many years. Its literally dominated my whole adult life up until this point. Am now as poor as a church mouse, unable to get credit, written out of my families will, living a hand to mouth existence and earning a low wage. Psychologically its even worse. I consider myself mentally ill as a result. But even I can start to get better if I really want to.
I have read your story and my first thought is well done for signing up to GAMSTOP... cos it does stop online gambling in its tracks. The only sites that you need to sign up to individually are lottery sites, that seem not to be covered by GAMSTOP. My online gambling stopped as soon as the Gamstop started.
You can forgive yourself. Every thing about gambling is designed to be addictive. Think about it... how excited to you get about the thought of gambling?? When gambling how excited do you get about the next spin, the next spin, the next spin, the next spin, the next spin.... steady drip of adrenaline, could this be the big one, just around the corner.... keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going....
But then imagine your a fly on the wall watching yourself.... looking at you sitting looking at your device, motionless, just sitting watching, transfixed, minute after minute and then hour after hour. Think about the rollercoaster of emotions... ecstatic one minute and then just a few minutes later feeling desparate and panicked because what you have just won is now gone again...
.... and then what happens to real life when your sitting in your addictive bubble?? It passes on by that's what happens. When I am gambling I have no thought for ill relatives, elderly parents, christmas presents, a walk in the park... god forbid an ordinary life. Its all irrelevant because the next feature is just around the corner... isn't it??... keep spinning, keep spinning, keep spinning, keep spinning.
Don't end up like me... stay stopped as i endeavour to do the same.
Hello.. I started gambling with disposable income. Casino slots. Not online. Approx 7 years back. Began as funÂ
Overdrawn once but paid it back. Never bankrupt.Â
My day would consist of waking. Longing for the casino to open. Getting there 10ish. Get my machine.sit there statue like. For about 3 hours
Wicked waste of time and money.. I haven't enough years in front of me now to save an immense amount. I could have saved that money..
Juggling with all these negatives is vile. But I won't go back. Would rather be poor in pocket but rich mentally and physically.Â
I wish you wellÂ
I diary and chat.. It helps meÂ
Take care.. Boo RadleyÂ
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