Frustrated with myself

Bro I understand what you are saying it’s sad man I just wished I never started gambling in the first place now I am left with nothing other than chasing losses everyday 

I heard a good expression recently. We are not a drop in the ocean we are an ocean within a drop.So is it a metaphor for human potential and depth? Just as an ocean is vast, deep, and filled with countless forms of life and natural phenomena, so too are human beings filled with thoughts, emotions, experiences, potential, and mysteries. By saying "we are an ocean within a drop," it's suggesting that, though we may appear small and insignificant on the outside (like a drop), we have an immense depth and potential within us, just like an ocean.

So in short you need to find your answers from within. They are there and they will change you with time. Do not wait for your triggers and think about this after the damage is done, start digging deep today so you know why you do what you do. Most of impulses are done without giving any thought at all. The less we think the happier we are but no the less we think the more we are driven by impuls and that is not good. Mindfullness seems to be a dirty word in this forum but call being aware instead. If you can enhance your awareness you can also beat your addiction and manage life better than now.

I wish you well.

I'm new to gambling but am well aware of addiction and for me what I think I'm finding out is that it's not as much about the money as it is riding that high. When I hit big on a slot it's like I'm on top of the world.

The rules I made to gamble responsibly go right out the window because all that euphoria boosts my confidence and I completely forget what losing felt like.

I become so convinced that I will continue to win and grow my bankroll, even as I suffer loss after loss it just doesn't seem to register until I'm down to my last few dollars then it hits me and I realize "f%$# I just did it again!"

Then the cycle begins; anger and frustration, guilt and shame, depression, abstinence, craving, tempting thoughts, giving in and gambling again thinking this time somehow it will turn out differently but it hasn't yet.

It's a challenging feeling that often arises when we fall short of our own expectations, but it can also serve as a motivator for personal growth and self-improvement. 

Posted by: @bc2715sp4o

I’ve been struggling with online slots for some time now. I get to the week before payday and I have no money from chasing losses. The frustrating thing is if I had just banked the money I’d won this last month and walked away I would have been better off. Instead I just had to push for that little bit more and it’s all gone. I put GamBan on my phone and a block on my bank account. On Thursday I had a rough day so found a way around by going on my laptop with a different account. I won my losses back a few times and couldn’t walk away. Instead of going to bed happy and chilled I’m now stressed, weepy, angry and can feel the blood rushing through my ears. I know it’s going to be a long slog til next payday and my kid will miss out on some half term stuff due to the cost. It’s so frustrating that it could have all been so different. The good thing is this could be it for me. My eyes are open and I hate this feeling. I don’t want to feel like this again. I need to cry but I don’t want my family to know what’s upset me.

You have gone about this all wrong mate. Putting a block on your mobile and nothing else is pointess (as you have discovered), you need to self-exclude. That means you won't be able to gamble on-line on any device - give Gamcare a ring and they will tell you how to go about it.

I've self-excluded online just like you and tried many times to get around it but I haven't been able to - thank goodness!! You need to do the same and remember that you can't do it yourself, so get some help and ring Gamcare and they will explain what to do. They are good people who won't judge you, they will just help explain how you can help yourself.

Good luck - Be under no illusion mate, if you don't sort this out you have a lifetime of misery infront of you and you will eventually lose your wife and family because of it. Be strong and get help.

Mick

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice. 

I relapsed again on my day 1 but have made it so it's physically impossible for me to gamble online until I get stronger mentally and can stop myself. Yesterday was a much better day.

I have an appointment with a therapist on Thursday. There's lots to talk about which has probably got me to this point. I can see that the out of control gambling is the reaction to a a few difficult years where I've not looked after myself properly. 

Also, I am the wife. I'm 43 years old. A wife and mother with a VERY respectable job. That somehow makes it seem more shameful to me. Just shows it can happen to anyone I guess. 

Sending you all the very best.