Hi all. 32 years old and I've been having serious issues with gambling since my late teens on and off.
I will explain my whole gambling story if anyone is interested. Started gambling seriously at 17/18 i remember when I was 17 I made an account in my dad's name on i think b*****r. From early on it was clearly becoming an issue, I'd regularly lose 50-100 a week on accumulators.
I remember being a member on these forums around 2017 I'd have been around 24 then, I'd lost my entire paycheck multiple occasions and also took out bank loans of around 5000 and credit cards, got into a lot of debt and felt incredibly depressed. I ended up going with stepchange and entering a dro i had messed things up so bad. It actually brings me to tears tbh to think back to those times, my mum helping me to organise all the necessary paperwork to set up the debt relief order.
I think around this time is when I obviously realised I had a serious gambling problem and needed to take actual action, I signed upto gamstop which did help a lot, however unfortunately I had always been a user of cryptocurreny and as many will know these crytpo casinos started popping up everywhere, impossible to self exclude from and obviously not stopped with gamstop.
I'm not sure how long I went without gambling but I don't think it was long before I started gambling again on these crypto casinos, I can say without doubt they have caused me the most harm. Talking from ages 25-32 now I honestly dread to think how much I've lost, I am not well off at all, work a very average income job and from a working class back ground and it makes me sick to my stomach the money I've thrown away. During these 5-6 years I'd regularly lose 50% or more often than not all of my monthly wages on crypto casinos playing table games. Begging and borrowing scraping my way through the month time and time again. The times i told myself never and others never again are endless yet it just continued.
It's only been very recent March 2024 where I'd really had enough, absolutely ridiculous that it took me that long i know, there was obviously many more times before that id had enough but i just kept finding myself back here. I changed from iphone to android and installed gamban, I did occasionally lose money in bookies or casinos but 90% of my gambling was done on crypto casinos on my phone so the gamban being installed on my phone really did help put a stop to it.
Everything the last year had been going well, apart from a few very small relapses on football in the bookies I'd hardly thought about gambling, I was finally saving some money for the first time in a decade...all until the past 2 weeks I have relapsed worse than I thought ever possible. The huge mistake I made is i had kept an old phone that didn't have blocks on (absolutely ridiculous i know now I'm even thinking about it) and I recently found it out and started buying into crypto occasionally..you can guess what happens next, I don't know how i could be so arrogant to even consider it but I had the idea of opening an account with one of the crypto casinos to place a few harmless sports bets (haha). I really don't know why this happened, it hadn't entered my head the previous almost year to find this phone, I was more than happy not gambling and seeing my savings increase. All i will say I've been struggling with mental health lately the past month or so in particular and have been feeling not great in general despite my life actually looking a lot better than it did a year ago. Could this has been the trigger, quite possibly.
Anyway this is already a long post but I'll get to the point over the past 2 weeks What started as a couple of small bets, I've lost nearly 20k all of my savings I am devastated as you can imagine, I'm struggling to get out of bed, to shower, to put one foot in front of the other right now tbh. The fact i was arrogant/stupid enough to have that other phone still accessible knowing how severe this addiction is blows my mind, I'm furious and beating myself up everyday.Â
I lost my last few k today and smashed the phone to pieces and broke down if I'm honest. I feel like an absolute idiot, the most savings I've had in over a decade all gone because I kept the door slightly ajar and thought I knew best again.
This is the lowest moment I've experienced gambling and I thought I'd had many rock bottoms. I feel like I'm having a panic attack everytime i wake up, the loss is so huge to me and has happened so out of the blue that I'm struggling to comprehend it's actually happened. I know the moneys gone and you have to accept that fact but it's on my mind 24 removed link
I know this is a long post so thanks to anyone who took the time to read it. I'm going to be browsing the forum and hoping for support and ways to get through this.
Sorry to read what has happened wishing you the best mate and hope you feel better soon
Sorry to read what has happened wishing you the best mate and hope you feel better soon
Another post I can totally relate to. I am of a similar age and been struggling since about 17 too. At first it was not too bad but it got progressively worse (as it does) to now where im a shell of the person i once was. I am on day 1 of recovery and yesterday was one of the hardest iv ever experienced as i gained access to savings (i was previously restricted from) and lost close to £12,000.Â
The mental torment is unbearable and all we ever want is peace of mind. I too used gamstop which worked very well until i also found those online crypto casinos!!! Although i couldnt use the well known UK sites I still found a way to lose all of my money from paycheck to paycheck. The amount of times I excluded myself from the crypto casinos only for them to let me reopen my account is ridiculous. They knew i had a huge problem, yet they still took every penny i had.Â
My mental health has deteriorated quite badly over the past 5 or so years and the gambling is the number 1 culprit. I plan on now building myself back up slowly, day by day and hopefully 5 years into the future I am someone i can be proud of. I hope you can also do the same, and i am sorry to read your story I know the pain you must be feeling now too.Â
We cannot change the past but we can each take small steps each day/week/month to better ourselves, gain some self-respect back and defeat this disease once and for all. The urges will come but its how we deal with the urges is what truly matters. Lets finally win by not trying to win. Good luck.Â
@jvh96mrnb0 a very similar story by the sound of it mate. Thanks for the reply appreciate it. Like you say it is genuine mental torture, i dont think many people at all in general can understand just how mentally destroying a gambling problem is, and having to try and pick yourself up and go about your day as normal is horrendous tbh. I know I'm going to be struggling with this for a long time on my head, how could it not be.
Crypto casinos are the absolute worst of all forms of gambling imo and that's saying something. Have destroyed the past 5-6 years of my life in a lot of ways. I hear you about it effecting self esteem etc, I feel like an failure especially comparing myself to others around my age who seem to atleast have there s**t together. It's extremely hard to take sometimes especially after a huge loss like this. You just repeatedly ask yourself why, and for it to have not happened but the reality is it has.
We can only look forward, money does come and go as the saying goes, it's truly brutal to repeatedly lose your hard earned money. Such a terrible waste of money and also time.
Wish you luck mate, I think you know all the things you have to do, as I do to recover and not be back here again. It's terrible having to start again but what other option do we have.
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