So I haven't written on here in a while, I thought that after having some treatment that I would of put a stop too the Gambling by now. Ive realized that this isn't as simple as I wanted it too be. I wake up everyday and its the first thing on my mind what can i bet on today. Its also something I've been keeping a secret from my parents, and everyday im putting on a act that everything is okay when inside I couldn't be further from okay. I know i need too put blocks on but im trying too find my strength for that, I feel so weak, im starting too think maybe this isn't a problem i can just solve on my own. Maybe I should be telling my parents about it for more support. I just feel so guilty and scared there going see me in a different light. Im just wondering how others have gone about telling there family or partners, how did you tell them? what did you say? Maybe its time for me too consider telling them the truth of what's been going on with me.
Because this is killing me, And I badly want too stop, but something is stopping me and i can't work out what. It sounds so simple too just put blocks on but the feelings around it and actually acting is more complicated then just doing it for me, well anyway thats how it feels in my head. Maybe im just not strong enough too put them in place. It makes me feel sick. I feel like im on auto pilot just betting and not even registering what im even doing and the amount im throwing away. Its not so much urges its more something i need too do, i need to win back the money. I just can't stop, I want and need too, but the gambling part in my brain says otherwise.
@walks15 Hello again. Could you tell me what treatment have had or are having?
If you had children and they came to you because they needed help, what would your response be? To be fair it's easier to answer if you do have children but the hypothetical question remains the same.
Your answer is what your parents will be, and I hope you said supportive.
Not having to pretend, no more acting, no more lies. The weight off of your mind is liberating.
Very few people can beat this on their own so please just take a deep breath and tell them.
It can get better.
Chris.
The way I told my fiancé was I just sort of blurted It out. I said “I need some help, I’ve really messed up and I think I have a gambling addiction”. I was scared to say it but the relief was amazing. It’s true what they say that a problem shared is a problem halved. The blocks I think would really really help you xx
Thanks debsy really appreciate you sharing that with me xx
It was just talking about it to be honest, and thanks chris
I can relate to so much of what you posted through my own experiences. I have also really struggled to put the blocks in place for a very long time but have finally started to do that after a gambling spree on Saturday.
Just like you I desperately wanted to stop but something was also preventing me from doing this. I think looking back I was reluctant to put the blocks in place because I was still trying to convince myself that I could win my money back and putting the blocks in place would prevent me from doing this. In reality not putting the blocks in place could only ever end up in disaster and sure enough on Saturday it did.
I also think that part of the reason I avoided putting the blocks in place was that this would leave me no option but to look at the reality of the situation I had put myself in. It was far too easier for me to disappear back into my gambling world where one big win would solve all my problems than to confront my reality. Again this approach could only end up in disaster.
I have still not told any of my family about my gambling addiction as I am too a shamed. I have however told my parents about other life changing mistakes that I have made in the past. Telling your parents will be hard and the conversation will probably be a shock for them but you will be surprised at how relieved you will feel to finally get the truth out in the open. I'm sure that once your parents get over the initial shock that they will support you as much as is possible as they will love you no matter what mistakes you may make in life. You may also be surprised that your parents may share similar experiences of past mistakes or addictions they have had as nobody in life is perfect and we all have our weaknesses.
I'm not sure if any of my feelings or experiences will be relevant to yours but good luck with whatever you decide to do and feel free to get in touch anytime 🙂
After reading your post, I can tell you that I was in a similar position to yourself 32 days ago. I hit rock bottom, had lost everything, felt sick, weak and worthless. This was what my gambling addiction had to done to me and it has done to so many others. I realized on that day that I had to change for myself and all the people that it had affected around me. I called my family together and opened up about the position I was in, the way I felt and that I needed help. It was emotional I struggled to get my words out and cried alot, for a 30 year old man I have never felt something so powerful. I apologised for what I had put them through and promised the changes that I would make, and I talked straight away about my plans for the future. All I can say to you is the way you are feeling right now is because of your gambling addiction. The way to make those feelings go away is to change and kick the addiction. It wont be easy but give yourself every chance with the help on here and the people around you when you open up.
I'm on Day 31 GambleFree and can safely say at this early stage, it is like a different world. My mind is free and I feel such a better person. I know the future is going to be a great place for me GambleFree.
I hope you take this advise and open up to your loved ones and seek the help you need.
All the best
RGC
Hi Walks.
You have defined addiction. It creates its own comfort zone which is totally destroying you and you haven't got the fight to see it off yet.
Urges are perhaps the wrong word. Its in your bones. Its something that you just want to do just like a smoker reaches for the next cigarette. Its a craving...doesnt mean you are frothing at the mouth to do it...it can seem a casual but very strong control to do it again
Think of this as a drug addiction and it makes more sense. Yes its hard and yes you should be telling your parents.
It takes a born again moment when following our advice just seems so perfectly right
Whats talking through you is your addiction...can you fathom that? You are being controlled by chemicals and thoughts to give it another go.
ITS NOT A GET IT BACK LATER SCHEME...ITS A SCAM AND A MUGS GAME !
Its taken your self respect, your dignity and it is actually destroying you.
You cant do it alone...Please tell people and reach out for help. You are currently ill and delusional. There is no shame in admitting that and facing it
You need the reality checks of telling people your losses and trying to explain what you have been up to. You know why its a secret....because you are not the slightest bit proud of this vice and your behaviour.
You can stop...you just need to be fully ready...make this your rock bottom moment because I can assure you it gets far worse if you continue to gamble
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I thought of an analogy about chasing losses. Imagine a circle of 100 boxes. 99 of those boxes contain fire. 1 doesn’t. You decide to take the risk and throw 100 pounds into a box in the hope of doubling your money. The money burns. Then you are offered the chance again. Would you do it? I thought this about my gambling and this was effectively what I was doing. Day after day. I would honestly say the best thing I did was confess and put blocks on. Yea it was hard but it has freed me
Hi Walks, I know how you are feeling. I was exactly the same and just couldn’t bring myself to put blocks in place. Then thought of living without being able to gamble on my phone was just too daunting. I kept coming here, leaving a comment but I was still gambling. 5 weeks ago I lost all my disposable money for the month and I just couldn’t take it any more, I forced myself onto gamstop and signed up. The first week was hell I’m not going to lie, time went so slowly.
I’ve done 31 days gamble free, the longest in at least 12 years for me. It actually now feels crazy as to why I didn’t go this sooner, I’ve taken away that constant temptation. You just need to find the courage, I know how hard that feels. I’m having some down days still but trying to keep busy and positive. You need to push the button to stop it all and take it day by day. Regarding telling your parents, it’s really difficult. I’ve opened up to my wife but I still haven’t told her the full history of my problem. Opening up to family I think has to happen but personally I think it’s one step at a time when you feel ready. Take the first step, place some blocks and work on yourself if you can as a starting point. Learn to hate this addiction!!
Hey! As your finding out this really isn’t an easy process every day is a struggle and anything can trigger that urge to gamble. You need as much support as you can get as possible because doing alone is going to make things harder. When I told my mom she said she kinda already knew but was waiting till I was ready to tell her. Don’t be afraid to tell anyone you will be surprised the support you will get and most of they will be proud that you’ve plucked up the courage to speak to them about what’s going. Lastly please put those blocks in place they are a big game changer and really will help you loads! I wish you all the best with your parents and with your recovery
Jade x
Because this is killing me, And I badly want too stop, but something is stopping me and i can't work out what. It sounds so simple too just put blocks on but the feelings around it and actually acting is more complicated then just doing it for me, well anyway thats how it feels in my head. Maybe im just not strong enough too put them in place.
i suggest you have a good re read of this paragraph , you have to understand that you are at war with yourself , nobody can fix that for you
gambling addiction is usually the escape of some deep routed phycological issue although it can in some cases be exacerbated by simply poor lifestyle choices
passing the burden onto your parents may provide some temporary relief but long term theres not much they can do
you have to understand why you are gambling and then you have to stop
@Walks15, you are worried about telling your parents, but what is worse? Telling them now or having to tell them when things are far, far worse?
I can tell you what is stopping you putting blocks in place, it's pride and the fact that there is still something inside you that wants to believe that you can handle this. Your big problem my friend is that you haven't coe to terms with the fact that winning money is poison to you; you should fear it, it should disgust you because it is poison to you mentally. If you win, all it will do is make you want more of the same at higher stakes until it is gone and then you will spend money you don't have. If you lose, you face soul-wrenching heartache to try and regain what you have lost but at least you might stop at some point.
Accept it, move on with your life and plan a positive way forward. Fear winning, keep that close to your heart and prevent it in any way possible
Yeah that's a good point, I guess there will never be a good time too tell them this. Im just scared because even though i know i have a gambling addiction it still feels telling my family makes it more real and im worried about there opinion on me changing. I guess so I am some one who likes too deal with things on my own and have always thought i could sort it out on my own, but like i know that isn't the case but still hard too fully admit that
Thank you so much for your response really,helps too know im not alone in this
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