Don't know if I'm new to this site or not because it recognized my email address,
Basically I'm writing this from a psychiatric ward which is where I'm currently based I'm an alcoholic with a huge gambling problem. The gambling started with what a lot of you guys are referring to as FOBT I just know them as the roulette machines I've been playing them since 2002 lost God knows how much to them,leading me to beg borrow etc and then steal to fund my alcoholism to numb that feeling I can't describe when that last penny has gone (YET AGAIN).
As I've said above I'm in a psychiatric ward so no access to the bookies but found my self gambling on my phone blackjack mainly my last bet was a f##k it all or nothing on one hand of blackjack and I still have my self thinking if only the player to the left of me had not taken a card the dealer would of bust and I could of walked away, which I know is not the case.
Just reading other posts has helped me in that I'm not alone though it feels like that a lot.
I recognized a lot from this site in people's posts in my own behaviour which has given me the courage to post.
Cheers
Oh after posting I can see I'm not new to this site.
The roulette pushed me to the edge many many times.
The missed numbers , landing next door , brushing your number then bouncing away and then tht empty feeling when you have blown all your money , all the money in the bank and literally left with nothing.
Upset drove me to the roulette on many many occasions , sometimes I could control it and walk away with a few hundred in my pocket , but the majority of time especially with the ones in the shop I would be left with nothing , driving home in a daze crying , angry and frustrated that I had let it all slip again.
I hit my lowest point at Christmas and if it wasnt for the bookie blocking my account because id gambled so much I would have lost the lot , that night I was at my lowest ever point in my life and it was then I started my recovery , still early days but I have to do this for my own sanity.
The roulette does terrible things to the mind and will literally turn you fully mental if you let it , believe me I consider myself quite well educated but I understand these machines are evil.
How long have you been in recovery ?
Hi Eren,
Welcome back!
I'm glad that you find reading this Forum helpful. You are getting help for yourself. Can you talk to someone about being able to gamble on your phone? Maybe you can come to an agreement about this.
Keep reading the Forum, Eren. You are not alone in this!
Kind wishes
Gabriele
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
