Hi, I have just joined the forum and I would like to make a bit of an introduction and also share my story.
I am 30 years old and have been gambling since I was 18. Originally I am from Poland but I have been living in London for the last 6 years. Before coming to the UK I wasn't gambling that much - at least if you compare it to what I am doing now. I have always played slots, don't know why but that is the only form of gambling that I "enjoy". When I started gambling I used to go to the casinos but after about 2 years I started playing online and since then it is the only form of gambling that I practice. Whenever I lose in an online casino I permanently exclude myself from it but somehow I always manage to find some new casino that I still can access (usually some new casino that doesn't belong to the group of the casinos that I have previously excluded myself from - which is very difficult at the moment and takes about 30-40 minutes to find). Whenever I manage to register I promise myself that I will play for a maximum of £100 but I end up losing absolutely everything that I have on my account.
At the moment I have about £15k of unsecured debts in the UK (credit cards and loans), for some people, it might seem like not much, for me, it is quite a lot since I lose everything I earn. I started an IVA some time ago and it will take me 5 years before I will be debt free. Over the years I have borrowed a lot of money from my parents under falls pretenses which I won't be able to pay back anytime soon. I was actually considering moving to another country to avoid paying the debts and get a fresh start but I don't want to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life.
A few days ago I got a £2k tax return and yesterday I lost every single penny of it together with the money for my rent. I thought I have it under control - nothing further from the truth. I am feeling very lonely, don't have many friends here and my whole family (which is not big) is back in Poland. I have no idea what to do now, the business is a bit slow now (my job is seasonal), I have no money to pay the rent and pretty soon I will run out of the money for food. Most of the people I grew up with are already married with children, paying off their mortgages and here I am sitting alone in my room which I can't even afford with tears in my eyes thinking how I am going to survive next week. Running away from the country is starting to look like a good option again...
I am very close with my parents but they don't know about the whole situation, over the years I have become a very good liar so I just kept on feeding them on some stories that would explain my lack of money, girlfriend, and hobbies. Many times I wanted to confess and come clean but I am afraid of how disappointed they might be. They always believed in me, gave me a lot of opportunities but I feel like I have failed them. They are both going to be 61 this year and I feel like their time is running out and I haven't done anything to make them proud of me.
With every loss, I am getting more and more depressed and I am afraid that one day I might do something really stupid. I really want to stop gambling but I have no idea how to. I have already contacted National Problem Gambling Clinic but it is a very long process before I get to the top of the list and have a session with a professional. I would appreciate any advice on what to do - I am really running out of options here.
Welcome k
Firstly let me mention that Gamcare for 10 free counselling sessions. So give them a call as soon as
There's also groups set up around the country by the name of gamblers anonymous find your nearest and get yourself down there.
Top of this page is a reference to blocking software use it you will need it.
You say that you haven't made your parent's proud?
You moved to a whole different country and tried to build yourself a life. I'm sure they would be very proud.
The debt should be top of your to do list because it's not going anywhere give stepchange a call and talk through your options
I know you said you job is seasonal but have you thought about maybe doing some agency work in between?
I'll leave it there for now
All the best
Hi there....as a mum, if my boys were in trouble, I would want them to come to me. They may be men now, but they are still my children. I would probably tell them they were idiots, but I would be there to support them in their efforts to sort out their problems. Yes, I would probably cry, I would worry for them, I would be proud of them for facing their troubles, and being determined to overcome them. I think my sons know that my love is unconditional. I have made mistakes in my life, I cannot expect them not to do so. You are an adult, they are adults, your relationship now is one of mutual support. 61 and time running out....I hope not!!! You sound to be a compulsive gambler, you cannot limit your spending to £100....maybe it is time to kick this habit into touch. Best wishes.
Evening k4z3k
First of all well done for coming on here and being so open and honest in your first post, I did the same few weeks back and its the best thing I have done.
I had to comment because I can relate so much to what you said about online slots and spending near an hour searching through pages to find a site that is not part of a group I was self excluded from. Thinking on that, if we could show that same patience and dedication to not gambling then I think we will do quite well.
I can only let you know what I am doing as I am very early on my journey of being gambling free.
1. Discuss your options in regards to counselling and extra support with the GamCare phoneline.
2. Get some blocks in place on your computer and devices, I use K9 blocking software.
3. Start a recovery diary, this has helped me massively. It means you have to hold yourself accountable and is a great place to write down exactly how your feeling and recieve impartial support from the rest of the guys on here.
Wish you all the best mate and I hope you start a diary as I will look forward to reading your progress.
Thank you guys for all the responses and advice, it feels great when you think that nobody cares and suddenly strangers on the internet offer you help.
@Dean0 I am planning to give them a call on Saturday to talk to someone about the whole situation, during the week I work physically and when I come back home I really don't feel like many any calls, I am just too tired.
Regarding the groups - I browsed through that section but I couldn't figure out how it works so I decided to do make a post on the forum to introduce myself and see where it gets me.
Regarding the debts - at the moment I am on IVA so you can say that my debts are sorted out, I will be debt free in about 5 years, although my credit score will be screwed up long after the IVA ends.
And finally when it comes to my job - by saying it's seasonal I meant that during the season (March-September) I can earn quite a lot, and during the remaining 5 months it is enough to survive, the thing is, that when there is a lot of work I should be saving some money for the slower months but instead I gamble it all away, so it is not my earnings that are the problem but what I do with the money when I actually have some spare. I rarely gamble when I have just enough to survive, it usually starts when I have few hundred pounds extra which I can afford to lose and after that, I just keep playing until I lose everything including money for rent, food and transportation - then I have to borrow it or tell my landlord that I will pay next month, I earn again, I pay back my debts (not to the banks though, I stopped paying those about a year ago - hence the IVA) and if there is some spare the whole thing starts again. I usually get paid in cash so I can control how much of the money I earn goes into my account and that makes it easier for me to manipulate the financial institutions.
@Rhoda Every time I re-read your post I have tears in my eyes. I know that it will hurt my mother greatly when I tell her what is going on and that is what scares me the most. I am not even worried about my father being P****d off, I know he will get through this but I know that my mom will cry and lose sleep when she finds out the truth. Now I know that I am a compulsive gambler, there is no doubt about that, but I haven't realized it until about a year ago (or maybe I was just lying to myself pretending that it doesn't affect my life that much). Anyway, I decided that I will try to stop gambling and get my life back without telling them for the last time (I really don't want to hurt them). Hopefully, this forum is going to help, if I fail once again I will have to tell them the truth and seek their help.
@JMan123 My thoughts exactly - so much dedication goes to finding a new casino it is ridiculous if you think about it. There should be some kind of a global self-exclusion from all the casinos that are available in the UK.
I have installed K9, blocked gambling websites, then I have put few random letters and numbers into Notepad, copied them and have set it as my new password for K9 so I am not able to change the settings because I don't even know the password. (although if I wanted I would probably find a way to bypass the protection but at the moment doing it + finding a new casino seems like too much time so thanks for the app, seems like a good one).
Regarding the diary - some time ago I have started a blog on which I wrote about my addiction, but after I started gambling again I just deleted it thinking that it doesn't help me at all. I was the only one who knew the address so it was just for myself and it wasn't much of a support since nobody was reading and commenting on it. On the weekend I will start my diary on the forum. I am also thinking of starting a new blog but this time I am not only going to write my stories/thougths about gambling but I would also include some of the content from the forum (other people's stories, advice for people seeking help) together with my diary from here. I will think about it during the week. When I started the blog before I thought that if I manage to stay away from gambling for at least a year I will send the address to the people that I have neglected over the years so they could understand me better and hopefully forgive me my "cutting off", I managed not to gamble for about a month after I started it so no success there.
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I too enjoyed playing slots only this kind of gambling made me feel ‘excited’. The problem is just like myself we set a budget but end up losing everything in the account, that’s when we realise what we have done and regret the whole thing. This is the cycle of addiction.
15K is roughly the same amount as me, I would recommend giving Stepchange a call, a debt management charity. They work out what you can afford to pay every month.
You need to come clean, it’s the only way forward. Yes, they may feel disappoint but they will help you.
Contact local charities that help tackle gambling addiction.
I feel your pain.
Betfilter is also a really good tool to use.
Hiya K4z3k, I feel a little uneasy about your idea of including other people's stories in your blog. This forum is members only, and I think most of us think of our diaries as a safe and confidential place. I don't know, I can't explain what I am feeling, but I know it unsettles me.
Hi k4z3k and welcome to the GamCare forum.
We hope you find it helpful to keep posting here, and to echo what Deano said, we're available on the Helpline for support 8am to midnight every day. I hope you manage to find some time to call us this weekend.
A diary on here may well help you to focus on your recovery and learn from your experiences and feelings as you go. A blog also sounds great but we echo Rhoda's discomfort with your idea of copying content from this forum. We would request that you do not copy other people's content onto your blog - you can always link to any pages on this forum which you think are particularly relevant.
This is actually a good opportunity to remind all forum users that this forum is publicly accessible. You don't need to be a registered member in order to read what is posted here (though you do need to be a member to post content of your own). We've designed it that way so that people can read and learn from the forum and can see that it is a welcoming place so they're encouraged to join and get support when they are ready. Forum users should consider this when posting - don't write anything you're not comfortable sharing publicly, and you may also want to consider how much personal information you give about yourself in your username and profile.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
@Akpatel94 - I am glad I'm not alone in this madness, the funny thing is that is has been only a week and I am already thinking about depositing "only 20", luckily whenever I come to this forum I am reminded why I wanted to stop.
@Rhoda & @Forum Admin - first of all, the content is available for everyone so it's not like I am revealing any secrets, anyone, even not registered people can read it. The other thing is that the content would be translated into to my native language (there is a lot of people who would find this forum useful but they simply don't speak the language) and I will obviously include the link to the source.
Hi k4z3k
If you're concerned there is no support for gamblers in your native language, you could try https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/pl/forum which provides information and an online forum in Polish.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Fighting the urges is the hardest bit mate you have to want to quit.
I think it's safe to say that most of us ex gamblers have sat in a room with no money no mates and for most no family, the feeling of being lonely and the bookies /casino taking everything off you. Doesn't care if your English polish or what ever! So don't feel alone with it.
If it was me I'd move back to Poland and not worry bout debts lol, but in that case your still be a gambler and it will make you get in debt where ever you go!
If you think of gamberling as a addiction the same way a heroine addict wants one more bag, the same as your head wants one more bet, your realise it's a disease mate and only you can stop it. No operation no drugs no nothing will stop you gamberling
If you really want to man up quit gamberling and make a life for yourself you will.
If you don't then you won't bud
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