ugh on my o. Hi . I just quit yesterday . I had a mental break after gambling for 2 days straight at a Casino . The casino always gives me free rooms and food . I brought my 16 yr old daughter along so that we could spend time during the day . Except we really didn't do anything but go to the movies because I didn't want to " waste Money " then I lost a lot of money and actually brought my child into the casino and encouraged her to gamble for " luck " that night I went back won back my money and lost it several times emptied out my bank account ... and finally broke down when on the way home my daughter asked me what we were doing for Easter , and I realized I had no money , had spent my car note , my insurance , everything . I cried and told my baby I think I have a problem and went home and told my husband . I tried to tell him a year ago but he told me I didn't have a gambling problem I had a needing money problem . But he didn't understand that we had money problems mostly because of my increasing gambling over the last 3 years . 2 evictions , I had a car accident a few months back and took a total loss on a brand new vehicle because I didn't pay the insurance . I told him I lied about going to work several times and instead went to the casino . I even told him how once I took a plane to a casino we used to live by for 100 free play money , all the while he thought i was working . I work as a nurse overnight and he works the day so it is too easy for me to get away . Right this very minute with no money i am dreaming up a plan to borrrow more . I lost a good friend when several thousand for rent and actually gambled it away . Still haven't paid her and told her I had cancer when she confronted me , which is a lie . I have a problem yet I feel like these machines will solve all my money problems or at least give me a respite from thinking about them . I even spend money on fake casino games when I'm broke so I deleted them too . Now I've been eating all day I seriously spend most of my free time on casino games either there or on my phone , now what ? A huge hole in my life on my heart and yet I told my baby girl so now I feel responsible to do something , I don't want to let her down , she is struggling with her own demons ... OH GOD , are you listening . If my daughter hadn't of been with me on that 4 hr drive from the casino yesterday , I may have taken my own life , I seriously contemplated it . I wa to jump in the hotel lobby or balcony , or run into the back of a car towing a motor boat I could picture that motor going through the windshield killing me . Yet my daughter ... I have 3 grown sons in their 20's I have lied and borrowed owe money to them as well ... I feel like the lowest person on earth . Yet I'll go to work and take care of others and think of what a disgusting mess I've made of my life z. How long will my husband remain blissfully ignorant , I still don't think he gets it . If I tried to convince him to come with me that I wouldn't spend so much on my own I'm nearly certain he would . I feel like I have no support . I'm thinking I'll tell my sons and mother next ... I don't want them to hate me for deceiving them and still owing money ;(
Dear Unluckylucky
Welcome to the GamCare forum. We're sorry that you're having such severe problems with gambling addiction. We know it can take a lot to share your problems online and ask for help so well done for taking that step. It also sounds like you've tried to tell your husband but he hasn't grasped the severity of your problem.
I am not sure where in the world you're based. You mentioned driving long distances to visit a casino, which suggests you may not live in the UK. Would you be able to share the country where you live? Then we can suggest appropriate sources of help for you. I'm also going to email you in case you would rather not post that on this forum.
It's also very worrying that you are fantasising about killing yourself. Wherever you are in the world, you can find a Samaritans helpline service who you can contact if you're feeling down or in despair. https://www.befrienders.org/ There may also be a mental health crisis service you can contact. If you've already taken action to harm yourself or feel you may do so imminently, please contact the emergency services where you live.
We hope you keep posting, and continue to receive support from others here who have been where you are.
Take care,
Deirdre
Forum Admin.
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